how to help my husband

i don't know where to begin. i'm using my husband's member password because he signed up back in august and has yet to visit this site. i just don't know what to do. sure i've been there for him, listened and supported him. but he hasn't gone to see anyone...doesn't talk to anyone...he just has a big hole in his heart. i'm crying for him....i just don't know what to do. i pray for him. i don't even think time will help. he lost one brother about 26 years ago (in his 20s)...his father died a year ago of cancer...and his other brother was murdered 2 years ago. all i hear is "i should've done this" or "i could've done this"...he makes me think that he believes he's a superhero and of course, i do understand...no i don't know what it's like...but i love him and empathize and it breaks my heart to see so much pain. when i tell him "but you did do this" and 'you did do that" and you were a great brother and son...he doesn't want to hear it and snips at me. i don't know how he will ever find happiness again. i'm crying right now. i just don't see it...i really don't. he's lost way too much. i feel the wall he has put up and am really worried about our marriage. i just don't know anymore. it's so unfair. anyway, i hope it's ok that i posted. i'm not the greatest writer or speaker and sometimes my thoughts get lost when i do try to write or speak.   

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Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on October 28, 2011 at 2:04pm
Tuck,  I hope that what I am about to say will help you and your husband.  I am so happy that you are being so supportive of him.  He really needs that.  I lost my dad to cancer in Oct. 2009, then my mom was brutally murdered 10 months later.  It has been the most difficult thing in the world.  Somedays, I just don't think that I can take another second of this pain and regret.  I struggle every single day just to feel somewhat "normal".  It is very hard to do when my mom's murder was all over news, newspapers, internet, etc... Everybody knows.  I can't just fade away.  It is my identity now, sadly.  I did seek professional help and only felt ok for a very brief time.  For me, it helps to know that I'm not crazy and I am not the only person in the world who is going through this, even though, it feels that way.  This site really does help.  If you could get him to use it he would meet others who are feeling the same way.  I don't know why but that, alone, is comforting to me, sadly.  He can use this site to say WHATEVER he wants, good, bad, or ugly.  People here will listen and understand.  He may even be able to help someone else.  Again, I would like to say how nice it is that you are concerned and trying to help him.  I wish I had someone like that to help me through this nightmare.     Kandi
Permalink Reply by tuck on October 29, 2011 at 12:27pm

Kandi,

Thanks for responding. You're a good soul to have gone through so much and yet still try to help someone and her husband who you don't even know. I appreciate your time and courage and feel sad for your loss and pain. I showed my husband what we wrote and he may start getting on this site so thank you for helping him. You said "i wish i had someone to help me" to be honest, i don't feel like i've been helping. He's been in a shell and i've been waiting for him to come out for 2 years. He has changed so much...he's irritable etc...rightfully so. recently i have been a nag because i miss him. anyway, thanks again kandi...i'll pray for you.

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