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Comment by Kathy Saylor on April 12, 2011 at 9:18pm

In the past three years I have lost my brother to sudden heart attack, my dad to congestive heart failure, my mom and aunt to heart attack, and my love of 22 years to brain cancer.   My brother and dad passed within 2 months, 3 years ago, my aunt was last November, my mom Feb 28, and my love, Mel, Mar. 30.  I was in mourning for my aunt when I learned my life with Mel was limited.  I was so preoccupied  that I haven't felt my mom's passing.   I feel overwhelmed.

Comment by Crystal M on March 30, 2011 at 6:44pm

Hello Stephanie,

I wanted to reply to your message, because it brought tears to my eyes. I know what it is like to lose multiple people close to me, and I understand the guilt that you feel. I don't understand what it is like to lose my mother, and I couldn't imagine that pain. When I was eleven, I lost my Aunt, who I was very close to. I watched her battle cancer for two years, and stayed in the hospital with her when she had her chemo treatments. She passed away in her bed at home, and I felt like if I was there, then I could have done something to keep her from passing. I let go of that guilt as I got older, because I realized that she had a disease that no one could control. When I was 17, I lost my great grandma, who was like a second mom to me. She had a stroke, and never woke up. That was hard, because it was Mothers Day, and I left only an hour before she passed only to take a shower and change. I wish that I could have reassured her that I was there before she passed. My cousin killed himself over three years ago, and also killed his ex. I felt if I would have talked to him more after I found out that he was depressed, then maybe he wouldn't have done something so horrible. The worse thing that I have ever experienced though, is the loss of my niece. She passed just a few months after my cousin. She was only two when she died of cardiorespiratory arrest due to seizure activity in her sleep. I am very close to my nieces and nephews, and I used to always watch them when my sister and brother-in-law worked nights. The night before Issy (my niece) passed away, I watched her. My sister was concerned when she brought her over, because she had a fever. Issy was prone to having seizures when she had a fever, so I made sure that I gave her medicine like my sister instructed. She was fine the whole night. She played with my daughter and I, and she acted the same as always. I remember that whole night, and I cherish the fact that I got to cuddle with her, and play with her one more time before she passed. Even though it makes me happy that I got that time with her, I feel guilt. My sister has told me that she feels guilt for not waking up before it happened. I feel guilt, because I had her that entire night, and I didn't see any warning signs. I also feel that if I would have told them that I would keep her over night, then she would have probably slept with me and I would have woken up while it was happening. My sister has told me that I would have felt more guilt if she died in my home. That is probably true, but the guilt is still there. It has faded a bit, but I think that there will always be some sort of guilt. I love that little girl so much, and my heart still aches to hold her again. I have taken comfort in the fact that multiple doctors have reassured our family that she couldn't have felt any pain, and that she had no idea of what was happening to her. I think of her every day, and I still have those days where I break down. The thing that is most important to me is to remember that she is still a part of our lives. We talk about the happy times, and we include her in holidays, and still celebrate her birthday. Of course we do this at the cemetary, but we feel like she is with us. At first, it was hard to look at pictures and videos, but over time that got easier and it helps. I don't know what kind of faith you have, but I take comfort in the fact that one day, I will see her again. I don't think that anyone who loses someone close to them ever gets over the loss, but it does get more managable over time. Maybe one day, I will let go of the guilt, and I hope that your guilt will at least ease over time. The one thing that I am trying to understand is that Issy's death was something that no one could control. It was so unexpected, and no one could have predicted it. I am sure that your mother knew how much you love her, and she didn't expect anyone to know when it would happen. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can always contact me.  

Comment by Stephanie E. on March 29, 2011 at 8:58pm

This is my first time posting here.  My story isn't that much different than some here and not nearly as heart breaking as most. My first experience with death was my grandfather's (my mother's dad) in May of 2003, he went into the hospital and five days later passed away, never could figure out why. He moved in with my parents, brother, and me when I was 14, so he was like a third parent. We were very close, I named my son after him.  Several years later in Dec. of 2009 my grandmother (my father's mom) died. She also went into the hospital because she didn't feel good and passed away the night before she was suppose to be released, again we never found out why.  Then in Oct. of 2010 my husband's best friend died at the age of 31. He was like my brother-in-law and was a beloved member of my family, my kids called him uncle. His death was a complete shock and something I've never experience before. We know why he died, it's was a stupid and senseless mistake, and a devastating blow to his family. He left behind a fiancee, two step daughters, and was the only child his parents had.  I am the kind of person who takes on the feelings of those I love, so not only have I been greiving for my loss of a good family friend, I also feel my husbands loss, his fiancee's loss, his parents loss, and the girls loss. Then on Dec. 5th I get a call from my brother, he's crying and telling me that my mother isn't breathing and won't wake up. I live 3 hours away and I was home by myself with my children. I was so confused and scared. She never regained conciseness, she died in her sleep on the couch in the living room while my father was cooking dinner. She was battling psoriatic arthritis, it was eating every joint in her body. She was in terrible pain, so I can't be sad that she's no longer in pain. But I am sad that I'm 30 years old and I don't have my mom. I have such guilt over her death, I feel like I could have and should have done something more to help her. There is more to her story that I don't want to get into yet, but I'm looking for someone who has gone through losses like mine and can give me some advice on how to cope with the feelings of loss and guilt and sadness. I have to find a way to pull myself out of this funk, for my kids, for my husband, and for myself. I'm not use to feeling sad, I'm usually a very upbeat happy person. I miss myself, I just don't know how to get back to where I was. I'm scared I may never be able to get back. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Comment by Cheryl on January 30, 2011 at 1:03pm

Hello Friends ;-) I just feel like writing down my thoughts this morning.  I'm feeling like I'm in a "valley" and having a hard time climbing up.  But this morning I was listening to a Pastor on Christian TV and he said "when we are on the mountain top, there is no where else to go except down.  So we can only stay there for a time, and then we must come down from time to time.  Going through the valleys is where we learn to trust Him, grow, and then He can help change us, what we may be experiencing and going through."  So, for today, I accept that and I'll take it one day at a time. I am choosing for today, to trust God.

Comment by Cheryl on January 30, 2011 at 12:50pm

Comment by Carol on December 26, 2010 at 4:28pm

I am 49 and have dealt with death from the age of 18 on a yearly basis averaging two deaths a year of either family members or friends however December 15th was the death of my beloved and devoted Mom. Mom was 85. It is not a tragedy. Mom had lived a long good life and she was ready to go. Mom had dementia which she was diagnosed with 3 years ago and slowly we had watched and cared for my Mom with this dehabilitating illness and it squeeze all of the life out of her. From a fiercely independant woman, a bussiness woman, a lady who had devoted her life to me and my youngsters, in helping me bring them up, it was henious watching this illness take her. In the end it was a blessing for Mom however it is me left here with the pain and I am totally lost. I know it is early days however as an only child who was and is a Mommy gal I am just lost. The day Mom took her last breath I screamed the place down. I am mourning and dealing one day at a time. I know I am blessed as I am surrounded by two fellowships full of love and support, one being my church and the other the 12 step fellowship I am a long term member of and I know time is suposed to heal and all the words people give me and the theory is great however I just don't know how I will look back to life and smile. A day at a time, a moment at a time right now. Just glad to beable to write how I feel with people around feelings the same loss and pain. Just glad to beable to write and share it with people in the same situation. I know there is no overnight cure. I just know life will never be the same again. The day my Mom took her last breath the only way I can discribe it as I stood in the room with Mom was that the umbilical cord had been cut again and the finality of that feeling

Comment by Victoria friend on December 6, 2010 at 4:39am

So...5 years ago I lost my 30 year old brother very suddenly, on march 20, 2010 I lost my 31 year old sister without warning. On august 29,2010 my dad died suddeningly, and tho she was sick I never expected my whole family to leave me but on oct 22 7 days before my 30th bday my mother passed away. All I can think is how everyone that needed to love me unconditionally is gone now. I don't honestly want to celebrate cmas and if I didn't have my daughter I probably wouldnt. Just way too much way too fast.

Comment by DINESE DAM on November 17, 2010 at 10:13am

I am 55 years old, and feel like I have lost my whole family. 5 years ago I lost my grandparents 6 months apart. Then I lost my dad. On march of 2010, I lost my best friend, and a week later I lost my mom. I knew in time that my mom was gonna die, cause she was sick with copd, and was oxygen. Yet I was not ready for her to die when she did. If that wasn't bad enough, on July 16 I lost my sister. Now I took care of her for 4 years. Now that she's gone, I am lost cause I have my life back. I just don't know what to do. I sit at home and don't even get dressed until late in the day, The holidays are coming and all of a sudden we celebrate without our parents and sister. On Thanksgiving, my sisters and I are celebrating in my parents home for the last time. I am not looking forward to this, for I am actually scared. Why is that? I don't understand. When my mother died, I said from the beginning, we are adult orphans. So many times I want to call my mom and tell her something but can';t. I get so angry that I can't go to one of my parents. I am also missing my sister so much. I will be glad when the holidays are over with,.

Comment by Joann Nappari on September 21, 2010 at 12:04am

Well 2010 has been a really painful year for me. On jan 13th my husband passed way due to a heart attack caused by congestive heart failure. He just turned 31 when died, On june 16th my 7 year old daughter was on her way to kings dominion amusement park with her friends and thier parents. When they was in an head on collision. An off duty cop was in a hury and cut someone off and caused the collision. she was in a coma until june 22 when she passed away. In febuary My uncle went into the hospital several times and was sent home with them saying nothing was wrong and finally he went back in and he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which spread to his brain and he died like three months later. Now his brother my other uncle was just diagnosed with lung cancer. And is going to pass. In 2001 i had a baby girl named brooke. She was born with a birth defect (with her intestines on the outside of her body) She caught an infection which spread to her brain and passed away 15 days after she was born. In 1999 i was engaged to my high school sweet heart/ first boyfriend ... He was killed in an accident he was only 20. Not to long after that i lost my grand parents. I have had alot of losses and i dont know what im gonna do. I cant stop this pain. I cry 24/7. My parents tell me not to "dwell" on it cause it will hurt more. I am only 29. How much more can one person take. How can i not dwell. Its easy said than done

Comment by Carmen on August 20, 2010 at 9:06pm

Last thursday i had lost my grandma 2 yrs ago today i lost my dad a yr ago....how am i to deal with all the pain of losing them :(

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