Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cheryl on December 20, 2011 at 10:34pm

Hi Jennifer.  I was sitting here replying to your post and all the sudden it went poof! I have no idea where it ended up!  Oh well.  I'll try again ;-)  I just wanted to say how sorry I am for everything you have gone through, for all of your losses and for your pain.  I don't have a lot of fancy words of wisdom for you, I'm just an everyday woman whose common thread with you is my own losses.  I feel blessed to have a dear, good husband and grown son who I remain close with.  But I miss my parents and 3 of my brothers who are all gone now.  The one who is still alive is addicted to drugs and has a mental problem (oh, and he hates me).  I love Jesus and He has helped me through so much.  But it wasn't always that way. I tried for so long to do it on my own. I finally gave up and trusted God and I can't tell you how much better my life is because of Him.  I'm not trying to preach at you, so please don't think that.  I just wanted to share what has helped me.  If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you.  Just send me a message.  In the meantime, I'll be thinking of  you and praying for you and your kids.  They need you.  You are here for a reason and God has a plan.  Trust Him.

Hugs,

Cheryl

Permalink Reply by G. on January 27, 2012 at 8:57am

You have to do things in your own time and no one should be touching your inherited things and things of those you've lost..it's your business and with the losses you've had I can see why you'd want to hang onto stuff. I totally understand when you say how everyone expects you to get over it. I've had a sibling tell me it's been long enough...it hasn't even been two months! I think based on what you've said that you really need to take care of yourself physically and perhaps go to a doctor about some of the grief stuff maybe they could give you something to help. You sound like you need a major vacation. I hope it gets easier for you. Thx for sharing your story.

Permalink Reply by Nora den Hoed on February 1, 2012 at 12:23pm

Hi Jennifer.  I'm new here too and am going through the same things you are.  I lost my Mom, Aunt and Cousin in a three month time frame...now going on 4 months.  I just don't know what to do with myself...I feel like I am losing myself as well on top of all the loss lately.  I'd love to have someone to talk to...

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Colvin on February 1, 2012 at 12:43pm

Hello and thank you for the replies, you are the only people I can talk to.  My kids have had so much loss, they won't talk about any of it and I have no family left except distant relatives in different states.  I'm sorry to hear about your losses too, but I'm glad there is a place that we can find others who know what we are dealing with.  I have been doing better, managed to get through the holidays without ending up in a padded room, spent a few days crying all day, but not as many as I thought was going to happen.  Then last week all on one day, I found out another aunt, uncle and cousin died (all different days, but I found out about all of them within a couple of hours.)  And of course it was two days before my mom's birthday and three days before my sister's death one year anniversary.  I get complaints that I remember these dates, but how can I not?  It was either a time that we'd normally get together and celebrate or it was a time that was deeply sad.  So now I'm back to the bad dreams, feeling alone, missing my siblings, mom and others who have died.  I think the only way I am getting through this is keeping very busy working full time, dealing with my teenagers and all their activites, taking classes and trying to get some things done around the house.  I'm trying not to think about it as much as possible, but it is hard with all the "stuff" I still have around that I need to make decisions on.  Last night I pulled a table out of storage hoping it would fit in my living room now that I rearranged.  It won't and I have no where for it to go.  I feel sick today because it was my great aunt's who was a Zigfield Follies girl and then was passed to my mom and I ended up with it.  I literally have no place to put this except storage, along with hundreds of items, yet I'm still at tears thinking about selling it.  I just wish this wasn't so hard.

Permalink Reply by Nora den Hoed on February 1, 2012 at 1:36pm

I wish I had more to say to you to make you feel better, unfortunately, I am in the beginning stages of it all myself and can offer no wisdom; however, take peace in knowing I share many of the same feelings.  I have lost a great deal of family members over the years (Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and another cousin), but none have affected me more than the ones I was closest too as of late including my Mother.  And to make matters worse, one of my sisters has been diagnosed with Stage lll breast cancer in December.  None of my family live here, nor do I have any friends here (excluding the elk, eagles, wolves, mountain lions, deer and bear...oh and my 3 little Lhasa Apsos...none of which talk back!) - Family is all back in Minnesota, friends there as well as scattered about the US...all of whom I usually converse with them via Facebook or email...my husband is the only one who seems to know how to pick up a phone and call....*ugh*  So essentially, you could say I have virtually no support system.  I don't work anymore, and I wish I did - just so I'd at least have something to preoccupy my mind with.  Then again, I don't know how useful I'd be since I am in such a deep and heavy fog lately.  I barely made it through the holidays, my house has gone to pot, I barely sleep (and when I do, it isn't good sleep at all).  I do *nothing*...and it's shameful; I know this, yet I have nothing to keep me going or even the oomph to do so.  This isn't me.  Once an avid reader, I can't even seem to do that anymore as I can't concentrate on what I'm reading. 

As far as your furniture goes, don't let it go.  Maybe put it back in storage for now until you have an idea for a better use for it.  Until you mentioned the furniture, I remembered the end tables and coffee table my Mother had given to me that her and my Dad bought when they first were married.  I grew up with them, and she ended up giving them to me 15 years ago.  The had been in storage and never used, and I finally donated them last year before we had moved to Colorado...now I wish I hadn't.  I know I had no place to put them, and our boys didn't want them (like I had hoped) and wish I would have found a museum to donate them to instead of Goodwill...at least I could have seen them at the museum.  I was so stupid!

As you can tell, my thoughts are random and scattered all over the place.  I don't know if I am coming or going and have no idea how to get a grip and start coping.  I'm 47 years old, and I feel like I'm 90...