Comment

Comment by tracie parker on September 25, 2009 at 11:00pm

Even though you feel the presence of her absence, Do you also feel her presence at times. I know yall probably think I am crazy, but...at times I often can feel my daughters presence.

Comment by Stephanie on September 25, 2009 at 3:29pm

that's the truth of it, the presence of her absence is everywhere. thank you for sharing

Comment by Stephanie on September 25, 2009 at 3:21pm

karen, i know. i know. me too. tight hugs

Comment by Stephanie on September 25, 2009 at 3:19pm

and thanx gail for the word about the herbal stuff. hows funny is this.... yesterday i went to the pharmacy, and got some "stay awake" tablets - pure caffeine concentrate. it knocked me out flat for 4 hours!! ha ha! i spoke to my doc. he said because i have a thyroid issue, underactive, caffeine will have the opposite effect on me. great!

Comment by Stephanie on September 25, 2009 at 3:16pm

hi gail, thank you for the most beautiful words. you are a very special person, and very strong and brave. definately your Mishael lives on in the world of our angels, and we will definately re-unite with them. before jessy died i used to just "believe" in this, but now i KNOW there's an afterlife. i cannot begin to tell you how much ENERGY jessy "was", she was just so vibrant and alive, that energy is still there.
as for fostering a daughter, wow, that is amazing, really amazing, and i have such admiration for you.
are you still in contact with your ex? how did he take to mishael's passing?
and i didnt ask you, WHEN did mishael pass on? how long has it been?

Comment by Jacob Michael scott McLeod-Steinmetz on September 23, 2009 at 10:40pm

In life there are moments
when you miss someone
so much, That you wish you
could grab them out of your
dreams and hold them tight

Missing My Jake
"Leukaemia Sux!" www.caringbridge.org/me/jacob

Comment by Laura Villarreal on September 23, 2009 at 4:34pm

Gail, as I read through your posting it brought to mind what several friends/family members have told me:

When I try to imagine what you are going through I just can't...losing a child is simply unimaginable!


They don't pretend to know...they just say that when they try to imagine losing their child through death their mind will not allow them to go there! It's just not part of the natural process of life...

Every word written in your posting is absolutely true but only a grieving parent can confirm this...those who have not lost a child just cannot imagine this pain and sorrow that changes us forever.

Thanks so much for sharing...
Laura

Comment by Gail Richardson on September 23, 2009 at 4:14pm

I got this email this morning from a friend of mine - she said that it was something she had been trying to put into words for the last seven years, not sure who the author is, but boy have they got it right..........

I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world, that your beloved child died.. Let me explain to you the reality…try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing her laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. never hearing them say “I love you”…nothing - just silence, emptiness. Now imagine never seeing your child’s smile, never seeing her upset or happy, never watching her sleep…missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at her pictures and can only cry - what happened, why!?.. You have never felt longing like this in your life! longing to hear her voice, to see her face again,…and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix it. Now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. every thing you loved now hurts like hell…
For example: music, I used to love music, it gave me pleasure, i didn’t realize how much music was a part of my life and how it is everywhere, now I cannot listen to it, it sears me like a red hot knife with the pain of losing my child, it cuts me wide open.. like the old song, The Day the Music Died, that’s me... and believe it or not, almost every song reminds me of the void in my life without my child, I am not unique in that pain - if you lost a child you would know.That is just one little example of how your life is affected by the loss of your child. Just ONE example! you feel the loss with every thought, every emotion, The loss bleeds into every aspect of your life. even with your other children, you still love your other children just as much as always, but as hard as it is, even they hurt you now, because when you see them you feel the LOSS, the loss of the child that died not being with their siblings. it doesn't’ fit, there is a piece missing, your whole life doesn't’t fit anymore. everything that felt right, now feels wrong. and of course there is always the missing, the horrible gut wrenching, out of your control missing…
As good parents we were always able to fix things or make things better for our children.. this we cannot fix, cannot make it better. so on top of everything else you are feeling, you also feel helpless..out of control and hopeless…and this is universal, every parent that truly loves their child will feel this. are you starting to imagine now how it feels? and you are doing this exercise for 10 minutes, imagine, really imagine, feeling this way 24/7 -
Day after day, month after month, and no matter what you are doing or who you are talking to, a tape of your child plays over and over in your mind. your child when she was a baby, a laughing happy little girl, a cute young teen, a wonderful young man or women and it always plays in your head and you do not want to forget even a single second of your beautiful child’s life…but that is a fear you have, that as time passes you will start to forget…so now, please add FEAR to the list of emotions. this is what it really feels like. a part of you has died, don’t just read the words, FEEL them - died, gone forever… a real, beautiful, living part of you has died… and you are still living, left behind to try to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and not having a clue where to even begin. No wonder a high percentage of marriages break up, parents have breakdowns, turn to alcohol, drugs or a destructive way of life. NO WONDER!!!!!
A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as hell.. that is why they say the loss of a child is like no other loss.. you cannot compare it to another loss, with other losses you grieve and you are of course sad, but when your child dies, a part of you ceases to exist, gone just like that, gone no warning, just gone.
And the life that you knew, the things you always felt, the things in your life that made sense, that you held on to, that makes up who you are - are Gone!!!That is why when parents who have lost children hear “I want the old you back”, “it’s been a year (a month, 6 month-whatever), don’t you feel better yet?” “You are doing this to yourself, you’re making it harder on yourself”, “grief can become a selfish thing you know”, we can only shake our heads and feel sadness and hopelessness, because there is no way our lives will ever be like it was when our child was alive.
No wonder bereaved parents isolate themselves, we are just trying to hold on. So were you able to imagine for 10 minutes what it must feel like? even 2 minutes is too long to imagine the unimaginable, to feel the pain, i would not wish it any anyone, but did you get a sense of how Life changing it is?
Imagine you feel this 24/7, not even getting a moments relief from it! now go on and put on your favorite CD to listen to, enjoy the music..go home and hug your child, listen to them laugh, watch her smile, smell the scent that you know is them and please do not tell me how I should feel or that i am holding onto this, or that my friends/family must be tired of watching me go through this, because if you haven’t lost a beloved child of yours, you haven’t got a clue.
Now when you hear these words “the presence of her absence is everywhere”, will you finally understand

Comment by Kar on September 23, 2009 at 12:23am

I use to welcome a new day - Now I welcome the end.
I use to smile and laugh the day away - Now I just want to disappear.
I use to be able to touch your sweet face - now I mourn you.
I use to have alot of faith - now I question it all.
I use to enjoy life - now I pretend to live.

Comment by Katherine Ellis on September 22, 2009 at 5:11pm

I've found I needed to be on an antidepressant and it has helped me a lot. I was having trouble with just the thought of being here and my daughter wasn't. Knew I needed help and I found some.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 740
• 741
• 742
• 743
• 744
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page