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Comment by Pastor Jenine Marie Mason on May 17, 2010 at 8:37pm

This is the hardest month of the year for me. First it has Mother's Day, then my son's birthday and then we have Memorial Day weekend and he was a military death. The hard thing is that no one really knows what to say and I dont know how to really make it easier for them. I dont even know how to make it easier for me. Love does not die, so I dont expect that things will change all that much until we are all face to face with my son again.

Comment by Holly Hurlbert on May 9, 2010 at 8:33pm

Hi everyone- I always find mothers day to be a joyous occasion and then a sad one. I think about my daughters and miss them so much. I remember my first mothers day. It was awful I had a baby but I could not hold her because she died. I saw other people celebrating and I jut wanted to hide in my room. My other mothers days have been okay. I have my son and he makes everything worth it. I am so glad my little oops is here!!

Comment by Gail Richardson on May 9, 2010 at 5:32am

Honoring Mothers in Grief on Mother's Day
Written by Clara Hinton | May 04, 2003

Mother's Day originated as a way of bringing honor and recognition to all mothers. Over the years, Mother's Day has evolved into one of the most cherished and most celebrated days of the year. For the mother who has experienced the loss of a child, though, Mother's Day is often a day of many tears and feelings of deep heartache. Friends and family members are left wondering how to help a grieving mother face Mother's Day without her child.

Because Mother's Day has turned into a time of traditions such as mother/daughter banquets, the wearing of flower corsages, and eating a special meal out following a special Mother's Day church service, it is difficult for family members and friends to know how to include a grieving mother in the special traditions of the day. Sadly, because people don't know what to do or say to a mother whose child has died, they often do what is easiest-they say and do nothing.

There is no greater heartbreak known to a mother than for Mother's Day to arrive without recognition and validation of being a mother to the deceased child. To be overlooked on Mother's Day is to add a burden of extra grief to an already broken heart.

Every mother longs to have her child validated. Every mother longs to hear the sweetest name on this earth-the name of her child who has died. Every mother has the need to feel that she is included among those who are honored by wearing the most coveted name among women-"mother. "

Recognition does not need to be elaborate or expensive. Often, just a card with the sincere words, "I'm thinking of you on this Mother's Day" can help lift a mother's broken heart and dry some of her tears of grief and sorrow.

What can you do to help? Deliver a flower in memory of the deceased child. Prepare a small gift basket and fill it with a writing journal, a book of hopeful thoughts, some special perfume, and a candle to be used for burning in memory of the child. Insert a card that says, "To a Heavenly Mother," or use words from your heart that express special meaning. This is a warm, sincere way of saying, "You are a very special mother, and I want to honor you as such."

Send a floral arrangement with a helium balloon. The balloon can be used on Mother's Day as a "letting go" of some of the grief. Often, something as simplistic as a small angel pin placed inside a card that says, "I'm thinking of you today" is enough to give a grieving mother the strength to get through this most difficult day.

Mother's Day is a most difficult day for any mother to face without her child. More than anything she needs listening ears. Allow the grieving mother to talk as much as she wants about her child. Ask her if she wants to talk. Spend some time with her and lend her your listening ears. Mothers love to share experiences and feelings about their children, even when a child is no longer alive. A friend or family member who listens is truly a treasure.

Help lighten the load of grief by helping a mother who has lost a child feel special on Mother's Day. Find your unique way of communicating to a mother in grief that she still deserves honor and special recognition on Mother's Day. She is, after all, a mother to be honored.

(c) Clara Hinton
Author - Silent Grief

Comment by fred upton on April 25, 2010 at 5:45pm

my daughters killer was given 2 life sentences. we are in fla for trial. going to watch him go to prison were my brothers are. im not sure but he killed their neice. hmmm wonder how his day will be going!

Comment by Kar on April 21, 2010 at 11:47am

Thinking of all of you & Sending you all LOVE & HUGS -
Forgive me for not writing too often - I am in a really bad place & don't see me being helpful.

Comment by Laura Villarreal on April 16, 2010 at 5:06pm

Allan, thank you for your prayers and beautiful thoughts. While the pain we feel is indescribable your posting made me cry...a happy cry. When I first found this website I read postings that many times put my feelings into words. It allowed me to realize my grief was absolutely normal and more importantly, that I was not alone. It made my heart feel good to know I was able to help you put what you are feeling into words.
Like you, I would do/give anything to turn back the clock. If you have not read the book titled "The Shack" by William Paul Young please consider doing so. I truly believe my healing process began when I finished this book.
I will say a prayer for Callie.

Take care,
Laura

Comment by Allan on April 15, 2010 at 10:51pm

Laura,
THANK YOU, THANK YOU for continuing to write on this site! I come and go with checking in and have not made an entry in months now. Still the feelings are so much a part of my days; so when I read your entry from yesterday it stopped me in my tracks. YES, every day is May 25th! Dear God, how powerful that statement is! For me every day is February 2nd. I have felt that so many times but did not have the words to express it - until now. Thank you. Let me also say that when my February 2nd came I needed this site and the input from this group...and you were there. You and Gail. I hope that you know that people are thinking about you and praying for you during this difficult time.
Today is the 15th, and this is "crunch time" for you. You will be in my thoughts during these next several days.

It was just one month before my daughter Callie died that my wife and I went to visit her and her new baby in Colorado Springs. Her husband was in Iraq and we wanted to see her after the Christmas holidays. We had such a good time. It was as though life was more in focus than ever. Callie was doing better than she had in years - she had direction and purpose. It was the most special 4 days in our life by far. If I could only go back to that time I would give anything.

So that is my painful time, and I know that you are going into your painful time right now. But dont stop writing. And dont stop checking this site. We need you.
Blessings, Allan Conkling

Comment by Laura Villarreal on April 15, 2010 at 7:07am

The anniversary date of my daughter's death is May 25th. At my most recent visit with my psychiatrist he asked how I would "handle" the upcoming anniversary. I thought for a moment and replied "everyday is May 25th for me..."
Most painful for me is April 15-19. She lived in Alaska, I in Texas. We met in Las Vegas for some "girl" time. We had so much fun! We shared a room and were together the whole time. Dining, gambling, shopping...I treated her to the Ray Romano show and she laughed the entire show. I remember looking at her most of the time thinking "this is my child, God I love her". I remember our last morning together at the airport. Her flight left before mine. I hugged her twice, inhaling the scent of her freshly washed hair. I kissed her on the cheek and whispered in her ear "love you, kiddo" and she whispered in mine "love you too, mom".

Comment by Gail Richardson on April 4, 2010 at 4:00am

Comment by Ann Edmondson on April 3, 2010 at 9:20pm

Racer Girl~ as a grandparent you have a legal right to see your grandchildren. I know it can be expensive because you will need to hire a lawyer in the state you live as well as the one where your grandchildren live. But you can bring a grievement before the courts asking them to mandate a visitation right for you and your grandchildren. You can even make in mandatory that it be your son who makes sure that the children are available for you to pick up. (Thus killing two birds -- you get to see your son and your grandchildren) I know a great number of people do not like to bring law decrees before their children but sometimes it is necessary to make them wake up and smell the coffee. It is at least worthwhile to check out. Also if you have visitation rights you can also petition the courts to mandate you be able to contact the children's school to verify their acedemic structures. This would give you another avenue in which to stay in contact with them. I hope this helps. You have my prayers. ~Ann

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