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Comment by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 9, 2010 at 7:46pm

Karen,
I understand what you are feeling right now. Don't think that I don't have my days of doubt as well. That is expected. I just wanted to tell my story as to why I refer to God so much and to also let anyone know that if I am in any way giving words that are unwelcome, by all means let me know. I have no problem with that.
That is why I started the other group where people could go to get that atmosphere if they needed it and wasn't getting it.
I hope that you understand and I wasn't offended or hurt by any of it. I just felt that it would be good to have both groups. I enjoy talking to everyone. It has seemed to help me tremendously, inside, to know that I am not the only one feeling the things that I feel inside.
Thanks for helping me to see both sides. Gyla

Comment by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 9, 2010 at 7:40pm

Dee,
I think that your son was truly Blessed with such a wonderful life. Even though most of us would think of his illness as a debilitating illness, he made it past that. He became a servant to God and obviously touched many people's lives. What can be more Blessed than that. Just know that even though he is not here anymore, his work is still in motion. That is a very powerful thing that most of us (who are healthy) never accomplish in our lifetime.
I am glad that you are writing a book about his life, I think it can be very empowering and encouraging to everyone, and God meant for you to communicate this to the world.
I feel very Blessed to get to write to someone who has the faith in her hands like you do. Trust me there are times when my faith weakens, because I still don't quite understand why my daughter had to leave this earth so early. Like I said before, it is not always for us to understand or to question. The thing is God didn't take my child's life, it came from the mistake of man. A lot of times the reason is easier to see than other times, like in the instance of your son. He had a reaction to a medicine, it was not from the cause of someone else. So that would be harder I think for me to understand, but in my heart I would feel that God felt he had done what he needed for this world and it was time for your son to have complete healing and rest. He had earned it, and had done a great deed by spreading God's Word.
Many Blessings and prayers to you Dee, Gyla

Comment by Dee Davis on November 9, 2010 at 4:15pm

Sharon, Thank you and God bless you for youheart felt letter. There is a gospel song ( If You Only Knew ) It talks about how wonderful Heaven is , and that if we on earth really knew how it really is , that we would not cry so much for our lost ones. It is a great song, but IT makes me cry some, cause I, his mom and I still want him bk. Also I read thebook ( 90 minutes In Heaven ) About this pastor died in a bad wreack, went to heaven for 90 min. and seen for hisself how beautiful it was, Then because another Pastor had been praying for him, even tho the EMT told him he was dead , God brought him bk. It will touch your heart deep down. Hope you and anyone else out there can get it .It helped me. Nothing will take all our pain away. May God Give You All His Peace Dee

Comment by Sharon Reynolds on November 9, 2010 at 7:09am

Dee, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Gary two months ago at age 38. He had different demons than your Jamie, demons that he was never quite able to overcome. He was found dead on the side of a mountain and had been gone about two months when they found him. He was my only child and with him died whatever future I had. The only thing that allows me to put one foot in front of the other is knowing that Gary had a relationship with God and knew Jesus as his saviour. I know that I will see him again. For a while I questioned God as to why he saved me from cancer last year to let me go through this-still don't understand and guess I never will. Pastor tells me that there is a purpose that God has for me, that there is someone out there who will need my strength for whatever they are about to go through. I selfishly contend that I thought I already had a strong testimony having survived metastatic ovarian cancer, but God isn't done with me yet, I guess. I pray now for peace because I know understanding isn't mine to have. I would have liked to have know your son, he must have been a wonderful person. I know he must have had a wonderful example, in his mother. God can and will get us through this-the work has already been done, all we have to do is ask. When I feel the devil tugging at me and whispering in my ear, I recite the 23rd Psalm-it helps. I will pray for you to have peace and to be strong in your new testimony and your work with UCP and Easter Seals. Much love and hugs to you, Sharon

Comment by Dee Davis on November 8, 2010 at 6:01pm

Gyla,I am so glad for you opening a line to talk about God has helped me through losing my Jamie.I raised my chiildren in ch. when they were sm. My God helped bring Jamie through sever seizures, that dr. said he should have died fron. He was born with cerebral palsey and was not suppose to live past 15, but with My Gods help and lots of prayers he made it to 38. Drs. said that he wound not get through grade school let alone to ever graduate high school.But he did graduate high school plus 3 yrs. of Bible College and became an ordained minister, preached 4 different churches , and made a tape ministery. He had a badharsh cough and was suppose to preach a new ch that Sun, But Fri. night he took the cough syrup with codene and had a fatel reaction after he went to bed. When I went to wake him up Sat. morning,He was blue allover and he had already gone to be with Jesus.At that moment my world ended.Because I had made him my world.But his world was built in his love of God and he shared his life with everyone he met.There were over 250 people at his funeral, alot I didn't even know but they knew him. If it hadn't been for my belief in my God I would not be able to make it this far.I have started helping United Cerabral Palsey and Easterseals that helped him when he was little, to walk and talk.They had a Walk-A-Thon last week in his name and we raised over 30,000 dollars. I plan to write a book on his life about how he acheived SO much in his life, that he was not suppose to do , only with Gods Grace. I pray for people who know God . And I pray for you that he will give you his peace ..May God Bless you all.. n Dee

Comment by Kar on November 8, 2010 at 10:29am

Gyla,
This group welcomes all beliefs & the doubting as well, my note to the group was a reminder so that all feel welcome here. We are all hurting so deeply & want to help each other because we do not want anyone to feel as bad as we do. The note was so that we all just think about that before advising - That maybe some just want a place to vent, or really say how they feel without feeling like they have to put that strong mask of I am okay on as we are expected to do out in the world. To be understood by others who do understand because they are living it too. We get a big variety of emotion's as well as beliefs & just to be-careful so all feel welcome here.

It is wonderful your faith has helped you. Sharing your story about it is a great way to express yourself.
That is not what my "note to group meant" referred to But, a reminder to be careful in responses as it can push people away that may need help as well.

I have been a bit distant from the group lately because I do have doubts & wish so much I did not. I hurt with all of you so deeply but, I am in a place that is not good & I just feel I do not have much to offer. I created this group because I felt too preached at in another group (I knew they were only trying to help) but- for me the constant god god god made me pull farther from my beliefs and I doubted even more. I just dont want others to feel that way here.

Comment by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 7, 2010 at 3:25pm

Karen,
I am sorry if I have offended anyone with my belief that God has helped me through this very tough time. I understand if some people don't feel the same. I thought then that it would be good to start a group that would welcome a Christian atmosphere. Without God I would not have made it this far. While Brittainy was dieing I prayed healing scriptures over her, sure that God would heal her. When she died I didn't understand how He could do this when my belief was so strong. After I got her autopsy report I understood why. If she would have survived she would have been severely brain damaged, she would also have severe lung problems since they were so damaged. Thus she would have required round the clock care and would not have had a quality life. It would have been torture for her. I realized then that I was being selfish to want her to be here with me. In reality God did heal her, just not in the way that I had prayed for.

I hope that this story helps some of those who are having trouble with their belief in God right now in this troubled time. We don't always see the reason. A lot of times it is really beyond our comprehension and not really for us to understand, I guess that is what makes it faith. You are believing without really knowing or understanding, but you know there is a reason deep down in your heart.

I welcome any and all people to the group I started. It's called Loss of a child: In memory of my son or daughter. Any and everyone is welcome despite your beliefs.

I pray for everyone here to have peace in their life, and that God will Bless you and reveal to you what you need for that peace. May God Bless you and your families, Gyla

Comment by anne on November 4, 2010 at 6:04pm

Dear Denise. I too have other children and the best thing I could think of in terms of helping them was to remind them of how much I love them too and that they are and always will be as important to me as their brothers. A mothers love is unique and unmeasureable and losing their sibling never stops the love a mother feels for those left behind.

Comment by anne on November 4, 2010 at 5:53pm

Dear Karen you are so wise about the religious thing. Thank you for being brave enough to speak about itin this way. While reading your note to everyone I felt a connection with you. I woud like to be friends with you if you want to.

Comment by Sharon Reynolds on November 4, 2010 at 11:51am

Hi Denise-I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel about the upcoming holidays. Gary and I spent every spare moment together during this time of the year and, like you, I am feeling that same thought about how horrible this can be. I tried to start some Christmas shopping yesterday and I know people in JCPenney's were wondering about the crazy lady talking to herself and crying about nothing. I wish I had words of wisdom that could make this better for you but I don't. I just hope that it helps some to know that there are folks out there who care about what you are feeling and truly understand because they are there with you. My only child was found on August 23 and I understand what you mean about how you feel and hating it. I will keep you in my prayers that you may find some comfort and peace. Sharon

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