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Comment by Eva Van on June 21, 2016 at 12:03pm

Saturday is my daughter's Birthday...the third one without her

I kneel beside your gravesite
And begin to shake my head...
How does a mother cope with
The truth her child is dead ?

But there it is, plain as day
Deeply etched within the stone
My finger moves along the date
You left me here to mourn

A sigh escapes from deep within 
The anguish in my soul
Imploring God for more time with you
The angels from me stole

Yet I know it's all in vain
This wish to have you still
A part of me can't let you go
And probably never will...

I place a rose next to your name
Brush away the errant leaves
Wrap my arms around my legs
And cry into my sleeves

I sing you Happy Birthday
Trying to wipe away the tears
And swallow all my anger
Resenting the missing years

I long to hear your laughter
We would've shared upon this day
And the quiet moments together 
If only you had stayed...

I stand because it's time to leave
Life beckons me far from you
But for me, I don't want to go
I don't want to face the truth...

That you are never coming home
And begin shaking my head
Because I cannot cope with
The fact that you are....

Eva

Comment by Teresa D. on June 17, 2016 at 5:50am

Jeannette, I'm so sorry you lost so much in such a short time.

Patty thank you for sharing that because it lets me know I'm okay.

I wish everyone a moment of peace.

Comment by Jeannette Cox on June 16, 2016 at 10:40pm

It'sbeen 4 months since I lost my son and 2 1/2 months since my grandson passed away.  These deaths occurred without warning and have left me with a somewhat broken mind to go along my broken heart. Just this week I started group grief counseling and no it is going to help. I am also going for one-on-one counseling. But my greatest source of comfort has been my faith. I know that I am getting through each day by the grace of God. My life will never be the same and I will  will never be the same  butt since I'm still here I am going to get whatever help I need to go on. Eventually I will have joy in my life though it will take some time.

Comment by Patty on June 16, 2016 at 12:42pm

Teresa, August will be 6 years for me.  I also cry everyday.  My daughter is our only child and when a drunk driver took her life I was suicidal.  I still have those thoughts.  I can't seem to move past this point.  I have learned to put on my fake face so I think people think I am doing better than I am.  I'm fortunate that my 2 best friends have stuck with me and have never tried to tell me how to handle my grief.  But I am so different than I was before.  I hardly recognize myself as the same person.  People say "You are so strong."  If they only knew how fake I'm being.  

Comment by Teresa D. on June 16, 2016 at 7:12am

Eva September will be 4 years my Michael is gone and yet I still cry for him everyday. This is a long process one I'm not sure I will ever recover from.  I too have lost 2 life long friends over my grief.  They wanted to tell me what it should be like and when it should end. Now mind you they both have their sons. 

There came a point that I had to start accepting things will never be the same as they were and I will never be the same.  Part of me left with Michael. 

It took me 3 years to have what I called my "reality moment" when it hit me this is very real. No one could understand when I tried to tell them about that moment instead they looked at me like I was crazy.

I'm in a place now I don't care.  My kids were always priority and my Michael will continue to be my priority.  For now on those who can't support me the way I need it have to get out of my way. 

I have to do what I need to do to live with this.  Others might not understand the new me but again I don't care. 

I remember in the beginning others would say you will learn to "manage" it and you will learn to wear the "fake face".  In the beginning I couldn't wrap my brain around those thoughts but now I'm learning how to do both. But trust me it doesn't mean the pain has lessened, it just means I'm learning to hide it more.

I don't have no answers.....there's no book on how to do this. 

Comment by Jill E on June 15, 2016 at 7:17am

Totally agree Teresa.

Comment by Teresa D. on June 15, 2016 at 6:56am

For the past few days my heart has been crying for every single family affected by the Orlando tragedy.  I can't help but think about what it's like to get that call.  It has been putting me back to that moment.

Usually I don't talk politics but I really wish for the families TRUMP would shut his mouth and let them process this without him using it as a tool for himself.  

We all know when we're in those first few moments words can cut us deeper than any knife can. 

Comment by Jill E on June 12, 2016 at 8:31pm

Thank you Karen. i don't know what I would do without this group.

Comment by Kar on June 12, 2016 at 7:33pm

Sending love to all ...  Yes, I started this group -  I am so glad that many find comfort here.    I am sorry I do not come here very often the last several years... but, your all in my heart...  This journey we are on together is the absolute worstttttt -   I still struggle with every breathe I take...  (((hugs to you all))) 

Comment by Jill E on June 11, 2016 at 9:21pm

Thank you all for sharing. I find comfort and understanding here, where I don't feel so all alone. I love you my Joshie WYWH

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