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Comment by Teresa D. on September 26, 2016 at 8:53am

Things are bitter sweet.  Michael use to treat his cousin Georgie like he was his little brother.  All through life he would give Georgie these bear hugs.  Even after they grew up Michael would drop his tools in the middle of a job to give Georgie a bear hug, embarrassing him.

For the past 4 years my nephew has said much of nothing to me about Michael.  I knew losing Michael hurt him but his silence hurt me. 

Well just recently in August at my BBQ Georgie said something to me for the first time.  He told me that Michael leaving affected him harder than I think. He's getting married in November and told me he's not having a best man cause he's in heaven.  After that his fiancé told me they are going to name their first boy after Michael.  I was so happy and so sad at the same time. Knowing my nephew is suffering is hard.

This weekend there was a party for the couple since it's an away wedding and again Georgie opened up. He told me Michael leaving has taken life out of him.  He said, "Aunt Teresa you have no idea how much life Michael took out of me. I don't know if I'll ever be over it." 

Here I am trying to figure out how to handle his wedding emotionally and here he is the poor kid trying to figure out the same thing.  During his party I had this picture in my purse and will again at the wedding. 

Michael was about 15, we were at the Chesapeake Bay Bridge.

Comment by Rita on September 22, 2016 at 10:43pm

I've been going to The Compassionate Friends group and feel it has been good for me. Unfortunately they only meet once a month so I have located another chapter that I can go to, so my visits are every other week. The people that are there REALLY understand what it is like to lose a child. They truly are Compassionate Friends. I feel like the friends I had don't really understand. Their life goes on as normal and I can't go on with mine because it isn't normal anymore. I don't feel a connection to them anymore and with TCF there is a connection, an understanding that life isn't normal. They understand that it might be a while before it gets to something close to normal and it may never get there. I highly recommend The Compassionate Friends. Look online for a chapter near you. It can only help!

Comment by Jill E on September 18, 2016 at 8:33pm

Thinking about you all.
Sending everyone hugs and understanding.
There is nothing more painful.
Thank you all for being here.

Comment by Teresa D. on September 6, 2016 at 8:30am

Rita and Bruce I am so sorry that you have to join us.  Sometimes I just don't know what to say.  Sept 14th will be 4 years that my Michael is gone.  I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I know from my own experience there are no perfect words to make this easier. 

The only thing I can tell you for sure is there are people here that will help you through this.  For me just hearing others experiencing the same thing made me feel okay. 

Comment by Sharnice on September 6, 2016 at 7:24am

I am so sorry Rita & Bruce about your loss,I am praying for you and all the members on this site since our strenght and hope reliase with God.

Comment by Dolly on September 4, 2016 at 11:15am

so sorry Rita... we did view our son before he was cremated but it was so obvious that our son wasn't really 'there' anymore... not that that helped... nothing helps at that point.. of maybe ever really... its just a horrible fact we have to live with.. people act like we should 'get over' it but they just have no clue... we will NEVER 'get over' it... just maybe learn how to put the pain in a place where it isn't always ALL we can feel anymore... grab on to the assurances we get from heaven.. the 'signs' or the 'feelings' that tell us that they still LIVE and will be with us again one day... without that hope I don't know how I could even get out of bed on any day of my life from that point on... hugs to you and your family... we know about your pain first hand and will NEVER downplay it or criticize whatever you say or must do to cope... been there done that pretty much I think...

Comment by Jill E on September 4, 2016 at 12:58am

Rita my heart aches for you. I do know how you feel and wish that there was someway, anyway to lesson our pain.

Comment by Rita on September 4, 2016 at 12:18am

It's hard to believe that my Son is really gone. I imagine his face all the time...I got the ME's report today and it just felt like it was happening all over again. As I read it I cried. I didn't see my Son before he was cremated, I couldn't look at my baby boy's lifeless body. My 2 Daughters wanted to see him one last time but I couldn't...After reading the report then I imagined all the damage that was done and could see it in my mind. I wished I hadn't read it!  

Comment by Lynn Williams on September 3, 2016 at 9:45am

I am so sorry Bruce and Rita on the loss of your children. We are all here trying to cope with our devastating loss of a child.  Three years ago today, we had a memorial service for our daughter Kyra who died in a car accident in Montana. I still cry a little most days but the unrelenting pain does ease so we can go on living. In the beginning the shock and grief are 24/7 and its so hard to imagine you will still be alive in a year. Just be kind to yourselves and get through minute by minute. Love and hugs to all here 

Comment by Dolly on August 31, 2016 at 9:21pm

it is hard to believe when your heart is ripped out.... but its the only hope there is... so I have decided I'd rather take the chance that God IS who He says He is and that His promises that we will be together again are TRUE... because the alternative is NO hope and i just can't bear that... but I have my moments and my days ... when I tell God how I don't get it and it hurts so much and how can this be His will for me and my loved ones... but then I realize I just have to trust.. because its my ONLY option that gives me any hope at all... that's how I see it at the moment anyway... who knows what I'll be thinking next week or next year... or tomorrow??

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