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Comment by Connie K on October 3, 2016 at 11:55am

I am the newsletter editor (actually do the whole thing) for out local TCF chapter. I used that C.S. Lewis quote in the last newsletter. So so painfully true.

Comment by Patty on October 2, 2016 at 6:24pm

It's so hard every single day.  After 6 years I feel no better than the day it happened.  Like Connie, the sight of happy families makes me want to cry.  I can't foresee a day when I will wake up and look forward to the future.  I feel like I'm dead and my body hasn't gotten the message yet.  Even when I sleep my dreams are sad.  C.S. Lewis said regarding his wife's passing "Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything."  That is exactly how I feel.

Comment by Jill E on October 2, 2016 at 3:57pm

I can't stand silence. It gives my brain too much time to think. TV on all the time. I turn on the radio up loud in the car then a song comes on that reminds me of Josh and I can't stop crying. I am a mess behind this heavy mask I wear everyday. I can only really open up to you all here. No one really understands. Thank you all for being here.

Comment by Connie K on October 2, 2016 at 3:39pm

I know Jill. How I long to just feel good again one day. To wake up and say it's such a beautiful day and feel full of gratitude and happy anticipation for the future. Just feel normal. For a moment. Just have my son back and have our lives back. Because as you all know, when they left so did part of us. I tried to go to the farmers market today. It is a gorgeous day. I feel guilty that the sight of happy families makes me feel sad and long for mine again.  I couldn't even make it through without feeling like I was going to burst out crying right there in the middle of all the happy people. It's just so hard all the time.

Comment by Jill E on October 2, 2016 at 11:39am

I go along everyday...and then I get hit, blasted by this wave of uncontrollable grief. How could my Josh begone? I hear his voice, his laugh in my head. Why? It doesn't make sense. He left me, he left his brother, he left his dogs he rescued (his babies). He was kind, gentle, loving, opinionated, stubborn I love him with every ounce of my being. How can he be gone? I am done with this nightmare! I need to wake up. He needs to be sitting on the couch yelling for his Cowboys! WYWH my Joshie. I miss you so much. You would never have hurt me on purpose. I would give my life to have you back for your brother.

Comment by Teresa D. on September 27, 2016 at 6:27am

Sometimes I think the "silence" is because they are struggling.  I also think it is hard for some to face the grieving mom.

His friends never say much of anything to me but on facebook I see they have posts about Michael and they post pictures.  I leave it alone so they can have their own memories without the grieving mom.

I will be secretly praying the couple gets pregnant quickly and then I'll pray harder that it's a boy.  So one day I can tell him all about the cousin he was named after.

HUGS to EVERYONE!  THANK YOU!

Comment by Lynn Williams on September 26, 2016 at 7:41pm

Such a wonderful picture Teresa, what an honor to your son a baby will be named after him. Sending love to all here.

Comment by Connie K on September 26, 2016 at 3:20pm

Teresa

 Maybe your nephew could have something of Michaels sewn inside his wedding suit jacket or maybe a piece of jewelry or something he could wear of Michaels' - might be a very healing gift for both of you

Comment by Connie K on September 26, 2016 at 3:17pm

Teresa what an adorable picture/ I am glad your nephew was able to express his feelings to you. I think it really is more difficult for others , especially young men to express themselves. Daniel's best friends still come by and make facebook posts about how much he affected their lives. Once in a while one of them will text me and tell me how much he misses him. It really helps even though it is sad that he's passed and that others are suffering. It IS sad and will forever be. But to know he is so alive in others hearts takes me outside of myself for a moment and I can see what a beautiful gift he was to this whole world and everyone he touched. But I know....it just makes you miss them more...hugs

Comment by Jill E on September 26, 2016 at 9:14am

That is a wonderful picture. My heart goes out to you.
I understand as Derek doesn't talk to me about how much he misses his brother. I know he does but knowing him he doesn't want to make me sad. I worry about him so much and I know he worries about me so we just don't talk about Josh. I know that it is not good but it is so painful. If we lived closer then I think we could talk easier because I would be assured he was ok. My poor Derek, they loved each other so much. They were best friends.

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