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Comment by David Blanco on May 13, 2017 at 3:26pm

Mother's Day will be hard for us, especially my wife. I got a card and a gift for her from Carli. I did that before for Carli, and she would sign the card. I will have to fill in for her. I'm sure it is what Carli would want me to do for her Mom.

Comment by Ammy on May 13, 2017 at 12:55pm

David, you are so right.  Most people don't understand because they haven't lived it.  It just isn't possible to know the extent of the loss of a child.  I understand that because I didn't understand it either until I had to experience it.
Most people don't mean to say the wrong thing, but down the road you might find some that can't or won't understand your grief lasting so long and think you should be over it.  You need to ignore those comments if they should ever come.
This is your child; a part of you.  A connection like no other.  You will always grieve your loss of her, but the intensity will lighten up gradually.  
For now you need to take it slow.  One minute at a time if necessary.  Remember to breathe deeply and to take care of yourself.  

Comment by David Blanco on May 13, 2017 at 10:35am

Thank you to all that answered my post. This pain is so horrible, but I have found it helps to talk about it with people who understand. Seems like the people closest to you, family and friends, say the wrong things. It's not to be mean or callous but because they aren't experiencing this feeling. I hope they never do...

Comment by Teresa D. on May 13, 2017 at 10:33am

Tomorrow's Mother's Day. I usually spend it depressed and I don't expect tomorrow to be much different.  I can't pull myself to say, HAPPY MOTHER's DAY, knowing all of us will feel our own sadness for the one that is missing.  But you know what? We're all still Moms and we will never stop being Moms..  So today I want to give RECOGNITION to all the MOMS!!!!!! No matter the circumstance that will always be your child just as MICHAEL will ALWAYS be my SON!!!!!!!!!! 

Comment by Teresa D. on May 13, 2017 at 10:19am

David, I'm sorry you have to join us. My heart is with you and Carli today.

I agree with Ammy, right now allow yourself to grieve but know your wife and daughter need you too. 

We all know that feeling of wanting to die because it feels the pain is so great we just can't live with it, but we can survive it because we survive it together. 

When your ready share what you need to and we will support you. 

Comment by Ammy on May 12, 2017 at 5:22pm

David, I also wish you never had to find this site.  I am so sorry for the loss of your Carli.  What you are going through is to be expected.  Your loss is so recent and there is no comfort or understanding right now.  Only pain, sadness, and lots of tears.  I wish there was a way around it, but there isn't.  Feel your grief, but don't give up.  Breathe.  You may consider seeing your doctor and explaining your feelings.  Maybe he or she can give you something to help you cope a little better.  We all know how you feel and know your pain.  We are all living through it and you can too.  Please don't do anything to harm yourself.  Give yourself some time.  Come here and let it all out if you can't do it around others.  We understand.

Comment by David Blanco on May 12, 2017 at 8:45am

I am new here, and I wish to have never been here. I lost my Carli on 4 April just 5 weeks ago. She was only 14 and had so much to live for. She was my beloved daughter and my close partner in adventure. We did so many things together and shared so many interests. I miss her so much it hurts, intensely. Even now I sob trying to write this. I was home when she did it. I found her and tried to shoot myself too just like her. I wanted to go with her and have this be another thing we would do together. Just as the gun went off a police officer pulled my hand and the bullet only grazed my head. I sometimes wish it didn't, this pain is do unbearable. I try to fight this feeling of giving up life. I consider my wife and other daughter, but it remains a struggle. I cry in her room everyday, it is so surreal. I think it is just a bad dream and I'll wake up, but reality hits me in the face. Oh Carli I miss you so much. I love you and can't wait to be with you again my beautiful girl...

Comment by Rita on May 10, 2017 at 11:33pm

I am so sorry for all of us that are here....

Teresa you certainly didn't offend me... Clergy don't always know how to handle a situation such as ours.. Some are often unsympathetic and thoughtless... Frankly besides the memorial for my Son I don't want a preacher around me right now!! They haven't made me feel any better..

Teresa enjoy your visit with your friend! Laugh, cry and act crazy! You can't do it with everybody!!

It might be nice to have a change of scenery!!

And B. for you I feel like it is a stab in your heart everywhere you go. I'm with you, it is hurtful when people can't even pronounce your child's name right.. It upsets me when people misspell my Son's name... I think "don't they know the difference in a boy Jesse and a girl Jessie!!!" That's the way I learned it in school a hundred years ago... But to those people it's just another name....

Comment by Teresa D. on May 10, 2017 at 12:13pm

I don't mean to offend anyone but I thought clergy would be able to offer me something but nope nothing.  The only people that can offer me anything in this, is another parent going through it. 

I'm going to see one of our members this summer. This is the first thing I have been able to look forward to since Michael left.  As crazy as it sounds I'm looking forward to it.  We will be able to have any emotion we want and neither of us will tell the other one to STOP!

My sister is wrong I have made a lot of progress. When I think back to that first day, week, month and year I know I progressed. 

I'm not okay but I'm okay!

Comment by B.Windsor on May 10, 2017 at 10:11am

Well, we went to the 'mass' Monday evening and Shelby's name was mentioned, as were a couple other individuals.  It was extremely annoying, though, since the announcer did not even get the first letter of her last name correct, even though it was plainly written on the card!!!!  *sigh  (i find it odd that it took the church this long to even be able to mention her???  That was all they did, btw--mention her name, and ask for prayers for the lost ones' souls.  Why would you need to schedule it?--i'll never understand.)  

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