Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on July 14, 2011 at 2:58pm

Sandra, you have to be kidding me.......at least you have your pets!!!!!!!!!!! Someone people are worse than others, he/she is definitely in the top 3! How could you not know better?

Permalink Reply by Connie on September 25, 2011 at 9:05am

Three days after my son died, my step-daughter and I were talking.  She proceeded to tell what a "jerk" and an "asshole" my son was for taking his life.  I politely told her that he was my "jerk" and my "asshole" and that I needed to end the conversation.  I get that everyone deals with a tramatic event differently.  It doesn't mean you have to say everything out loud especially to the mother.   My sister on the other hand, called me screaming at me about 5 days after his death stating I wouldn't give her 5 minutes of my time to her as she was hurting too.  Not to minimize her pain, she only met my son once when he was 8 months old and talked to him once on the phone and didn't talk to him for 31 years.  Pardon the hell out of me, for not giving her 5 minutes.  I was planning a funeral, barely coping, making flight arrangements, purchasing a burial plot basically living in a nightmare fog, so forgive me if I couldn't be there for you, dear sis.  After 2 weeks I had to tell her to leave me alone, let me greive in my own way, in my own time at my own pace.  If and when I was really I will reach out.  I may never but for now this is my choice not to reach out in order to cope.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on September 25, 2011 at 11:43am

So sorry for your pain, the pain I know all too well. I went through and still do have periods when I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I didn't even want to be "mommy" to rest of my children. It's too bad that people take our grief personally when it is not intended that way.

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on September 25, 2011 at 4:22pm

Karen, I agree. I am just past the 5 months mark and no one calls anymore. They got aggravated that they can't "fix" me by taking me bowling or out to eat. They don't understand how hard it is to do those things without Kasey. I got tired of being told that I need to do this or I have to do that so I stopped answering and they stopped calling. It's so hard to do this alone but I don't want to be around anyone either.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on September 25, 2011 at 9:32pm

Sandra, I totally understand, at least we all have each other here. I had it out with one of my daughters today, she just point blank told me to "stop" all us this! She said that I like feeling this way! She said that all of us on this site encourage each other to be sad and miserable, I was so angry and offended......she has no clue! She said I act like no one else is grieving for her brother and I have to move on. She told me that I "like" feeling like this..........who the hell would like this sh!t?  She wanted to know what can anybody do to help me at this point.....almost 2yrs, my response was......make it so that this NEVER happened and get me my son back! She did not like that. I do understand her concern for my well being but she's only pushing me away, I feel like I can not share my true feelings with her and that hurts me more. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have all of you guys. She doesnt understand how much it means to have your feelings and thoughts validated and not judged. She doesnt understand that there are NO rules for grief and mourning.

Thanks as always to everyone for listening, it really means a lot.

Permalink Reply by Charlotte Riker on September 17, 2012 at 11:19pm

I don't think people realize how invasive and cruel they are being during a tragic time...especially when you loose a child.  Jeremy will be gone three years this Thanksgiving.  My sister told me that my son wouldn't like where i was burying him or the town I was having his funeral in...I was and still am so mad and hurt at her....what gall but I have gotten past it somehow....time I guess!!!  

I agree Connie....people should keep their comments to themselves and deal with grief in their own way.  I have tried to be around upbeat friends and family who just let me have my good and bad days.  

Permalink Reply by Robin Jone on November 12, 2011 at 9:45pm

I know people mean well but there have been quite a few...

God must have needed him more than you did - REALLY um no I was Zach's Mom for 23 years I still needed him for many more years to come thank you very much!

God doesn't give us more than we can handle - I'm sorry, I have already lost my Mom, Dad, Brother, Nephew, and many other close relatives. Losing my son now too - more than I can handle!

I'm sure there are more, those are just a few that really got to me.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on November 13, 2011 at 10:52pm

Hey Robin and everyone. I know what you mean......"needed him more than I did"?!....you have to be kidding me! My son was only 21yrs old, he didn't even begin to LIVE yet. None of this will ever be "OK". The yearning for our children will NEVER just simply go away. We want and need them to be with us here....now. We were not "done" with them yet! 

Robin I am so sorry for your multiple, tremendous losses. Unless someone has walked in your shoes, they will never understand., thanks for sharing.

Permalink Reply by Robin Jone on December 8, 2011 at 7:10pm

Karen, I know the woman who said that to me really did mean well. I think when people say things like that they honestly think it is going to make you feel better. I wanted Zach to be around to get married, have kids, grandkids to turn 24 on the 16th. The other day I had to go get a small gift for the children in my preschool class for Christmas, and picked up a couple of things for my granddaughters stocking. On the way home, the old sledge hammer  hit me in the chest again, thinking about Zach not being there for his stocking this year. What have other people done their first year, anyone have any advice? I have heard some people say they asked everyone to write down a special memory and  put it in his stocking. I am dreading Christmas morning, but I guess I am forgetting to take it one day at a time. I just miss him so much.

Permalink Reply by Lisa Adams on December 8, 2011 at 12:20pm

Ok here's a good one for you. One of my BOSSES just made this statement regarding the lack of Christmas decorations in my office "There's always a humbug in every bunch!" Really???  It's all I can do now to sit here and countinue my work. How effing thoughtless!!

Permalink Reply by Kar on December 8, 2011 at 12:29pm

Sorry Lisa...   there are so many people who are too self involved to even have a grain of empathy.  

 This person is an absolute ASS -  I wish them reindeer shit in their stocking... 

Permalink Reply by Lisa Adams on December 8, 2011 at 12:38pm

hahaha!! - Thanks Karen.  Want to hear the best part about this? I work for The Salvation Army and this person is supposed to be a minister!

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 6
• 7
• 8
• 9
• 10
• …
• 14
• Next ›
• Page