Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michele Hayes on December 17, 2012 at 3:34pm

Oh- I have to laugh- I had a friend on facebook post that she knows exactly what it feels like to lose a child.... because her dog died at a young age! Really, am I missing something- did she carry the dog for nine months? Did she nurse it? Oh- and did she really expect the dog to live longer than her? Anyone else I would have been really offended, but she is super lonely.

Permalink Reply by Irene on February 13, 2013 at 6:12pm

I got a card today from an old friend. It refered to the loss of my husband as a "bump in the road I would need to get through." Grrrr. We have been married/together half of my life.

 

Ok, she was divorced  twice. Grrrr....I guess that is what her two divorces were like. Sorry, not the same.

Permalink Reply by Sharon Stow on March 6, 2013 at 11:56pm

After my son died, a coworker told me he knew exactly how I felt because he was going through a divorce...his third in five years.  This marriage actually lasted 3 whole months.

Another coworker's roommate's dog died and she had the nerve to tell me I just didn't understand the excruciating pain she was in.

My boss told me I needed to get over it, I needed to be more upbeat because I was being a downer in the office.  He was also in pain from loss because his 97 year old great aunt had recently died and he had actually met her twice.

Another coworker thought I had too many photos of my son on my desk and it wasn't healthy.

Permalink Reply by Jessica Berninzon on March 7, 2013 at 3:00am

My daughter has been gone one year one month and 7 days , and for months now i have not had to deal with stupid thing s many people or most will say because they one stopped talking to me or me them the last one was a message from someone saying so jessica you are about to celebrate your 50th birthday in march , are you going to let this pass without any response to anyone ?? this was on Facebook and i responded with when amber died everything changed especially me i celebrate nothing especially not my fing birthday , i don't mean to be rude or not sociable but if it was up to me i would have ended my life and am surprised daily when i wake up and make it yet another day so with that said the last thing im thinking about is my birthday  or obliging others with responses ....i am sorry it is what it is ...he said sorry i bothered you ??? im like wow and thought to my self of course typical your  offended and i don't give a shit  i did not bother to reply to him ...eventually people stop saying stupid thing s or we stop listening to them ...i have .

Permalink Reply by Katherina Conley on March 8, 2013 at 2:22pm

I work in retail and have regular customers that come in weekly and often times daily and yesterday I had one of my frequent customer come in and ask what was wrong I was not the happy person I was a few months ago. Well earlier that day I had to call a credit card company about my sons debt and deal with that so my response to him was " Just dealing with some of my sons stuff" I guess he did not know my son was killed in a car accident on thanksgiving when he said "It's not over till the casket is 6 feet under" My jaw dropped and then explained to him that .... "that was the problem." it amazes me that people speak without thinking at all. I am done with treating people with kit gloves when they say things that just do not make any sense. I will politely ask them... how would they feel in my shoes... then quickly add ... oh wait you may not want to wear my shoes ....

yes I know I am ranting but just a bit more offended by some of things people say .. my grieving for my son will last a lifetime ... no amount of time will heal my broken heart .. I am sure I will learn to cope and move forward with my life. but my first child my first true love will always me gone and nothing will replace that

Permalink Reply by Connie K on March 21, 2013 at 5:56pm

I couldn't believe it when the mother of one of my deceased son's friends came by to ask my husband and I for help with a problem her son had gotten into. He had lost his wallet so he drove home from work at his dinner break to look for it and in his haste forgot to turn on his headlights. A police officer stopped him and of course, he had no license because his wallet was gone. The officer also found a small amount of marijuana in his car (I think less than 1gram). He evidently has a MM license but it is supposed to be in the medical container with a label and stored in your trunk which this wasn't SO he was arrested and received a misdemeanor charge for possession. Now granted, this is a big drag and a problem he will have to go through but she actually said to me that she feels that she is the same as me now because she has lost her son too - to Marijuana and he now has no future and she has no hope. I feel bad for her but I just don't think people understand the depth of the pain and loss we have to carry every second for the rest of our lives. I would give anything to have to go with my son to court and help him through his trials and tribulations. I would give anything to have him back. As long as there is life, there is hope. I tried to instill a little in my friend for Daniel's sake. God I miss him so much today. Love to all.

Permalink Reply by Dolly on June 17, 2013 at 7:39am

Glad I found this page..FIRST let me warn you...I'm hoping some of what I'm going to say now may make at least one person at least smile a LITTLE bit...not ALL of what I say...but the first part at least....

so far nobody has really said anything stupid to me about my son Brandon's death...but maybe that's because so few people have said ANYTHING to me at all...but that's not new..most people don't seem to even know who I am, or that they SHOULD recognize me unless I'm with my husband...they recognize HIM..and figure I'm his wife I guess...that's probably because I rarely left the house for the last few years...except with my husband..and then usually just to the store  and mostly in the next town where almost nobody knows either of us anyway. 

As for my sons, Brandon included, so many stupid things have been said to me about them over the years I guess it's only a matter of time before they say stupid things about his death. 

I've been asked if my two adopted sons are brothers...well YEAH they are in MY family...but one is black and one is Mexican American ...BUT they both were in wheelchairs...ONCE I was asked if they were TWINS even...I said, 'Noooo...but their WHEELCHAIRS are"...

Once we were in a fast food restaurant with my still living son before we adopted Brandon and a woman kept walking back and forth by us supposedly to get ketchup or salt or napkins or something I guess, but each time she would STARE at my son being fed by his dad...I mean stare all the way by each way, turning her head 360 as she passed....we didn't say anything until she stopped and asked my husband "What's he GOT?"...my adorably brilliant husband calmly replied "A Cheeseburger"...and my son and my daughter and I all burst out laughing....the lady just got red, said "Oh" and walked on....we were doubled over spitting out food in hysterics....how rude could we BE...but I guess she got the message...

I know someone will probably soon tell me that not only is Brandon "better off" now, but that I am too because now I don't have to spend all my days and nights taking care of him since I'm getting old and all....but maybe they won't DARE if they can remember all the times I have come out swinging [figuratively speaking] in his defense or behalf....and short as I am, I can be a FORCE when I need to be...or at least I USED to be...now I'm not sure I would have the starch left....I probably would just fold under and melt in tears or turn around and leave in a big rush...or something RUDE and not POLITICALLY CORRECT ....gahhhhhh.....but at least MOST of the stupid things people have said about my kids so far have just been dumb....the next one tho....boggles the mind....

SO.... the WORST STUPID THINGS anyone EVER said so far about my sons was last fall at the beach...two 'tourists' from some country or other stopped my husband and asked him to take their picture...as he was obliging them, they noticed my two sons laying in their pink rafts and waiting for us to take them back out into the waves...they asked my husband first "Are they ALIVE?"...he said "of COURSE they're alive!" and THEN they asked him "Are they HUMAN?".......its just fortunate for them that they didn't ask those questions within my hearing....I just don't know if I could have kept myself from drowning [literally even] at least ONE of that idiotic crude pair....what is WRONG with people???

I hope I didn't offend anyone...I KNOW this site isn't supposed to be remotely FUNNY...but when I started thinking about the stupidity that comes out of people's mouths sometimes I just felt like sharing this stuff with you..please don't think for a SECOND I minimalize any of your pain...I share it and I HATE it..i DO know what you are going through...at least MY nightmare version of what you're going through...I hope maybe we can find some comfort in knowing that SOMEBODY out there has a CLUE at least....

Permalink Reply by Dolly on June 17, 2013 at 10:52am

I forgot to mention...my sons were born in two different states, seven years apart...and YET....do people not even SEE my kids?

Permalink Reply by Ammy on June 17, 2013 at 12:15pm

Mar

Permalink Reply by anna l. on June 17, 2013 at 2:01pm

Oh hun, do not apologize for having a laugh or two.  We all need that once in awhile.  I admit, I did laugh at the "cheeseburger".  Your husband is a fast thinker. 

My son had a hard last 10  years of his life but when someone finds it necessary to tell me how much better off he is now I could just smack them!  Yes, I do not wish he had had one more day in pain but that does not mean he is in a better place.  His better place was here with all his family that loved him and accepted him for him. 

I hope talking about your son here helps you.  I find it does for me.  Yep, someone here has a clue.  Here is a hug of understanding (( ))

Permalink Reply by Ammy on June 17, 2013 at 2:15pm

I don't know what happened to my post from before, but I just wanted to say that you are an amazing woman, Marilyn.  I loved reading your story and I did smile.  God bless you!

Sending hugs {{{{{Marilyn}}}}}

Permalink Reply by Kar on June 22, 2014 at 5:46pm

Dolly-  Thanks for sharing... you did make me smile... the cheeseburger comment was classic! 

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