Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kar on September 13, 2009 at 6:33pm

We lost our 16 yr old son Brad - 0ct. 19th 2007- In a auto accident. Due to a foreign substance on the roadway, the 3rd accident that day in the same spot, yet no warning. Brad was a passenger with my husband & older son. Actually I came very close to loosing all 3.
After 10 days - My 14 yr old daughter and I couldnt wait for my husband, and 18yr old son- And we had to have our dear Brads funeral on our own. My husband still wasnt breathing on his own & not aware we lost Brad at that point. And our older son with a head injury calling me a chair & other odd names.
In the months that followed My husband and other son have healed physically.

Personally - I feel destroyed - & I really struggle with life ... I sort feel like I used all of myself in those first several weeks to be strong & do what I needed to do & now ---
Hummm- trying to find a way to discribe it- almost like my bones are gone & I am a lump of useless flesh laying in a pile. With a bleeding heart- well what is left of it. I still can't except He's gone.

Permalink Reply by Dee Dee on September 22, 2009 at 11:37pm

I lost my 27 year old son on 1/16/09 I also don't believe it is true. I don't want to believe it. I felt like I couldn't go on for three months after he passed. I slept all the time and did nothing else. I have another son who is 33 he told me he needed me. Those were the words I needed to go on.
I still feel like I failed my son I feel like every other mother in the world is better than me. I am just a loser and stupid ugly person who failed to save my son. I loved him so much but failed him. I wish so much that I had another chance with him. No one should loose their child. It is just unbearable the worse thing that can happen.

Permalink Reply by Charlotte on January 1, 2010 at 5:17pm

I lost my son to drugs on Thanksgiving Day and I tried everything to save him from this terrible lifestyle which took his life at 35. Please take care of yourself and stay busy and look for enjoyable things to do. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Charlotte

Permalink Reply by Lisa November on January 27, 2016 at 5:12pm

Hi Charlotte, I lost my son to an accidental overdose after he had been clean for 6 months. He was almost 25 years old and died on July 22, 2014.  I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I feel like other people who lost their children to disease or a car accident or something like that don't understand my loss. I tried to save my son too - he did not learn about taking illegal drugs at home and we tried many, many programs and approaches to help him stop.  I thought he was finally on the right path and would stay clean. Then I got the call from a social worker that he was found dead in his room.  Although I don't feel the sadness and grief in such a constant way now - when it does hit me - I am so, so sad. Like a deeper sadness than I felt at the start of this.  Do you ever have this?  

Permalink Reply by Dee Davis on July 5, 2010 at 9:26pm

Dee Dee, My on went to Jesus Sept. 5 09,from taking too much cough syrup with codene,for a bad cold. He said he felt weak but didn"t want me to call rescue sqd. Said he would just go to bed and sleep it off, but instead he woke up with Jesus. The next morning I felt my life ended when I couldn"t wake him up.My life has not been the same since./ He was born with cerabral palsey and drs. said he would die befor he was 15, and would never finish school, and never be able to work . But I told them that God was just starting with him. He graduated high school, and 3yrs. of Bible College, became an ordained minister, preached 4 churches. Made a tape ministry, worked 5 different jobs, and in 05 moved in with me to help when I had to quit work. And LOTS more. He was my life. I have 2 other adult children, who live on their own. We never plan for our children to go befor us, and especially our baby . H was 38, and 27th this mo. would be 39. Today is 10mo. since he"s been gone,and it still seems like a bad dream, and I want to wake up and see him here again..What helps me is knowing when my time is up, I Will see him again.. I also plan to write a book on his life this yr. to let other parents with babies with CP not to believe drs. when they say their babies won"t be nothing.I never let Jamie give up on hisself, cause I never did. But I know he has a new body now free from all defects. My prayers are with you. Please reply to me if possible.Diane

Permalink Reply by Ken Ciolek on July 9, 2010 at 7:55pm

Hi Diane and Kathy

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and tragedy, I too lost my daughter this past December, it was very unexpected, she was only 18 and pretty much destroyed our lives, my wife is having such a hard tine dealing as me but her more and finding it very hard to help her and hoping to find that help. I would like to chat more with both of you...kciolek@optonline.net...thank you

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on July 10, 2010 at 8:36am

There is a group called Compassionate Friends. They are USA wide and usually there is one in every city. They helped me tremendously when I lost my son. Please check the internet for the one closes to you.

Permalink Reply by Katie Pace on February 24, 2011 at 4:30am

I am so sorry everyone! This is my first time on this and I read all of your stories and all I can do is cry. I can't even believe any of this is real! I miss Ryan ( my son, my only child) so bad! I'm not sure I can do this because I just want to help you all but I don't know what to do to help! I will be praying for all of you!

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on March 30, 2011 at 8:13pm

Greetings Norma......so sorry to hear the loss of your daughter. I still find it amazing that some how I get through the day but the joke is on me,  because when I awake........I still can NOT accept what has happened to my son. I still hope that this is all a nightmare. My anger is very consuming at times. Our children are NOT "memories" to us........they are our child, our baby and they will always be. They had a life. They come from our wombs or through the loving arms of an adoptive parent. I keep trying to think of a way to "fix" this. This is a pain that no parent should ever want to know.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on March 31, 2011 at 7:14pm

Hello Norma and all other members, this is all so sad, I cant imagine living without my son.... .counting months, then counting years! This is crazy. The mere thought of saying in the future that my son passed away 2,3,4 ,5, or 10 years ago, inferiorates me. I feel like something went wrong and I just need to figure out how to make the time go back to when I was happy and enjoying ALL of my children. I would sure love to yell at him now for playing his music too loud. Oh how I took for granted that ALL of my children would ALWAYS be around. These kind of losses always happen to someone else...........wow, we are all the "someone else"! For now, for me, "moving on" means accepting what happened to my son, and I could NEVER accept this, NEVER.  I say it over and over and over again...I want my son back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I do not choose to feel this way.....I just do, I don't know what can help me.  

Permalink Reply by Kar on March 31, 2011 at 7:41pm

I feel exactly the same Karen R -    only I have hit 3yrs 5mo 12da  -   I find myself angry & lost.  Which is why I seldom say much on here - wish I had something encouraging to share -  I am just broken.   sending out hugs to all of you who understand.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on March 31, 2011 at 8:55pm

Greetings Karen and all others. I have hit about 2 weeks shy of 18 months since I lost my son. You hit the nail on the the head..........BROKEN, that's exactly how I describe myself, if one of my children would have read your comment, they would have sworn that was me that wrote that.....I say it so much. Sometimes I avoid counting the time that has passed because it fuels my anger. I too always apologize to everyone for not having any encouraging or comforting thoughts, I just simply don't, I speak from my broken heart. It gets me upset when someone suggests that I have CHOSEN to be like this......who in their right mind would choose this?!!! I would also like to send you a hug and all others enduring this pain. Once again, thanks to all for listening and caring, it really means a lot.

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