Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 3, 2010 at 7:32pm

Melissa,
I am glad for you that you feel comfortable with death. But, do remember that you do have your son to take care of, and he really needs you right now. What I am saying is don't get too comfortable about death.

I understand your fear of your son dieing. After my Brittainy died on our way to the car I told my oldest daughter, Havala, "please don't ever leave me".

What is a balloon lift? I think it is great that you do something special for her birthday. For Halloween I carved a pumpkin and put it on her grave with a light in it. She loved the fall and Halloween. I have already been dreading the holidays coming up. I have thought about not putting the Christmas tree up, but it was her favorite thing to do at the holidays. She loved to decorate for all the holidays. So I feel like I would be cheating her if I didn't. The bad thing is all the decorations are in a closet in her bedroom, and I haven't gone in her room since she died. I guess it will be a big decision I have to make.
Many Blessings to you and your family, Gyla

Permalink Reply by Sharon Reynolds on November 3, 2010 at 8:43pm

I'm with you ladies-the upcoming holidays are going to be a real struggle for me as well. Gary and I spent a lot of time together from today (which is my 57th birthday!!) until New years eve. I went out today to try to do some Christmas shopping and everytime I saw something that my son would have liked the memory came storming back taking my breath away. IF you hear of a crazy lady crying for no apparent reason in JC Penneys, it was me! My plan is to go through with the holidays and acknowledge that Gary is not here in the flesh. I also intend to acknowledge that he is with me in spirit. I talk to him every day and I know he would be upset with me if I didn't uphold our traditions-it may kill me, but I am going to do this for my family and for my son. Pray for me to find the strength to follow my resolve. Much love and hugs to both of you-sharon

Permalink Reply by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 5, 2010 at 8:42pm

Sharon,
We will all make it through this together. I know that it is hard to go anywhere without seeing something that reminds you of Gary, or that you think that he would like. This is going to be the toughest Holiday, but it will subside with time. It will never completely go away, but it will get a little easier. In the end you will find little ways to honor him and to include him in the Holiday even though he is not here. I talk to Brittainy all the time too, and I talk to God a lot more now than I ever did. Keep crying, it is a good release, even though it feels painful at the time, it will help in the long run. Take care, and Many Blessings and love to you, Gyla

Permalink Reply by melissa whaley on November 4, 2010 at 5:03pm

What i did last year was make helium balloons all of Fawnas friends and our family got together. We wrote messages on index cards tied them to our balloons and sent them up. It helps everyone feel like they can say personal things and get out how they feel. It helps keep me from crying all day when i have something to plan and get to see all her friends. I was not sure if her friends would continue to come but they were asking me about it this year. I also have family in other parts of the country let balloons go and take pics. I put all these pics on Fawnas web sight. You can see this websight if you go to In loving memory of Fawna Sky Whaley.

Permalink Reply by Sharon Reynolds on November 5, 2010 at 8:43am

Melissa, what a beautiful way to honor your daughter! I have written letters/notes to Gary and burnrd them so that the smoke carries the message to him. I am also glad to hear that Fawna's friends are keeping in touch. I think that means soooo much. Take care-try to enjoy this beautiful autumn weather! Many hugs to you, Sharon

Permalink Reply by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 5, 2010 at 8:44pm

Melissa,
I love the ideas that you come up with to honor Fawna. They are truly special and make a statement of how much you still love her and keep her around in spirit. I am going to use this idea myself if its OK with you to steal your idea. Love and many Blessings to you and your family. Gyla

Permalink Reply by cheryl lynn buechlein on November 4, 2010 at 7:39pm

This is my first time on this site, i have been thinking about joining for awhile, so here i am. I lost my only child in a car accident July 10, 2008 she was only 23 years old, single with no children. I am really having a hard time as time goes on, somehow i thought it would get a little easier not worse as time goes on.

Permalink Reply by melissa whaley on November 5, 2010 at 6:59am

ive been going through this since june 2009 and i agree it seems to be getting worse. The initial hysteria has worn off but i feel exhausted with always being in pain and grief. I feel like i am pretending to live going through the motions. It is just tiering and i miss my daughter more and more. I know it seems like the rest of my life is a looooong time to wait to see her again. The only thing is i do have my son with out him i am sure it would seem unbearable. I am hope there is someone in your life that makes living worth while. I wish you the best just wanted to let you know i know how you feel.

Permalink Reply by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 5, 2010 at 8:59pm

Melissa,
Now you have me worried.....I already feel at times that I just can't take it anymore. Then I have a couple of weeks that go really good. I was like that for a couple of weeks, then I am right back to the way I was before only it seemed a little worse. I am scared that I will never get over this and that the pain and guilt that I feel will completely interfere with my life. I know that Brittainy would never want me to be like this. Whenever I was upset SHE was always the one out of all of my children that would console me and tell me everything would be alright. She was so very kind and sweet and loving. So this is not how she would want to see me.

Permalink Reply by melissa whaley on November 5, 2010 at 9:10pm

no she would not she would want you to live your life happy. Its everything to know you have hope and that its not forever and you will see her again. The important thing is to figure out what our jobs are here on this earth. Who are we supposed to help. I think as long as i concentrate on doing things for others i feel better. thats the only thing that helps. i Did not mean to worry you just wanted to let you know it is normal and you are not alone.

Permalink Reply by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 5, 2010 at 8:53pm

Cheryl,
Welcome and I hope that this site helps you. I have been a member for about a week, and I seem to use this everynight and it seems to be helping me some. I just lost my daughter in July, so I am still new to the whole thing. I will keep you in my prayers and pray for peace in your life, heart, and mind. Just pray as much as possible, when things start feeling to much pick up your Bible and read, and then pray. Many Blessings to you, Gyla

Permalink Reply by melissa whaley on November 5, 2010 at 9:04pm

you are welcome to use the idea i really got it from the compassionate friends group i joined they do one yearly and have a christmas candle light service to that is really nice. There are local chapters everywere. You may want to find one near you they are monthly meetings. everyone there have lost children. it helps to be with others that know how you feel. they also have online chats. there are also many memorial websights you can buils online very simply so your family and friends can share. I hope these things help you to at least feel busy during the tough times. I find busy is good.

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