Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Melissa Szuch on July 22, 2011 at 1:38pm

Dear Patti, I am so sorry for the loss of your son.  You are the first person that has given me hope that some day I will accept the loss of my daughter Sarah that passed away June 14th 2011. My daughter Laura says that I have to learn to dance in the rain and she will be right there with me.  Even now when we talk about Sarah she says mom we have to remeber all the good in Sarah.  The love that she showered us with all the good times and know that she wouldnt want us to be sad. At times that seems a lot to ask I am still in the early stages of grief and am just sad.

Just a thought why not have a celebration of his life with all his favorite things to eat, music, etc. I dont know just a thought, What would Matt want you to do?

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers

Permalink Reply by Patti Meadows on July 22, 2011 at 7:14pm

Hi Melissa, Thank You so much for your reply.....Let me say that I am so impressed with the fact that you are able to post so soon.....I feel like so many others are able to recover so much quicker than me......I am trying to find a way to celebrate his life instead of focusing on his death....thank again...Patti Meadows

Permalink Reply by Melissa Szuch on July 22, 2011 at 9:22pm

your welcome Patti If you ever want to talk I am here.  There will be a way, time and place when you are ready.  I think to many people feel that we should be over it and there is no time frame for any one of us to stop missing/loving our childrens lives.  We carried them inside of us and loved them all there days on earth, good and bad.

I have to talk to someone that is why I am on here, it is such a great comfort that I know that I am not crazy this is the WORST thing I have ever endured and I dont know that it will ever end. I just hope that some day it gets a little better!

As I said before you and your family are in my prayers, have a great day

Permalink Reply by Patti Meadows on July 22, 2011 at 9:28pm

Thank you so much for responding.....Talk to me anytime you want....Tell me more about Your child...I would love to hear...We need to bond to feel strong....There is a quote that says:  That which does ot kill us makes us stronger...I did not want to be a strong person,,,but I will do whatever I feel God wants me to to help others.....

Permalink Reply by Bobbi Durbin on July 23, 2011 at 5:41pm

Patti, I so sorry you lost your son.  Mine too was taken very quickly and I am also grateful for that.  He didn't know he was about to die and that is a great comfort.  Derrick has a blood clot go to his lungs.  He felt dizzy, passed out and it was over. This was on June 7th of this year.   Although I'm writing it, it still can't be true.   My head knows it is true.  I seen him there, very still. But my heart says NO, not my son.  Just can't be true.   I hope that one day I will be able to accept it too.  But, for now, it's all just a horrible nightmare. 

 

I would like to hear about your son.   What kind of music did he play?  How is his wife holding up?

 

 

Permalink Reply by Patti Meadows on July 23, 2011 at 5:46pm

Thanks for your reply.  I find myself anxiously waiting for people to post...it just seems to make me feel better. The name of Matt's band was "Downstream" he did music sort of like Nirvana and that era...They were very good, they even made a cd.  As for his wife, she has moved on, as I know that she should.  She has remarried and even had a child, but I cannot be her support system, it is just too painful.  Thankfully she has moved out of state.  I really do wish her well, it's just painful.  How old was your son Bobbi?  tell me about him.  thanks again, Patti

Permalink Reply by Bobbi Durbin on July 23, 2011 at 6:09pm

Patti, thats pretty cool that you have the cd.  You can hear his voice....for real, not just in your head.  You know, thats one way you can celebrate his life.  Make copies of the cd and pass them out.  Give them to everyone that you can..  Share his talent.  I'd love to have one!  You are so right about how you can't be her support system.  I'm kind of in that same situation with Derricks girlfriend.  They lived together for 4 years and I know it's tearing her up.  But I can hardly take care of me.  I just can't do it.  I try and we do talk but it's just sooo hard.  And you know, it seems that other people just go on with life without a care in the world.  I just keep wondering if maybe they didn't hear about Derrick or maybe they forgot.  Even my husband will ask me whats wrong.  Finally I said "what do you think COULD be wrong".   UGGGG!!  Why does everything have to be so difficult...  Derrick is my oldest of two boys.  He will forever be 28.  He was 6'6 and 245lbs.  But he was a big teddy bear.  He loved to laugh and found humor in just about everything.  He was so very sweet.  Not afraid to hold my hand.  He was to walk to stage for his graduation from Pharmacy Tech school 10 days after he died.  He was so proud of finishing that and anxious to get started on his new career.  He was planning on going on to  Pharmacist school.  On June 1st  he went to the family clinic due to pain in his leg.  The nurse practitioner looked at him, gave him an rx for anti-biotics and pain meds.  On the 6th he promised me he would go to the ER because his leg was still hurting and red and hot.  He promised me.  But on the morning of the 7th he died.   So unbelievable.    Are your other boys doing ok??

Bobbi

Permalink Reply by Patti Meadows on July 23, 2011 at 6:15pm

I am so sorry for your loss....I just think in this world today everyone expects everything to be "instant"  it is a slow process, and we will never be the same.  What kind of Mother would we be if we COULD get over it?  I just want to be an example to my other two boys.  They are doing ok, they are both married and they have that support, thank God, but I try to make a point of talking to them about him.  On the first anniversary of his "going home" we had a birthday party for him & released helium balloons with a message to Matt on them.  Now we always all get together for dinner and have a toast to Matt and tell funny stories we remember.  I just don't want the family to forget him.  Yours has been so soon, let me tell you those horrible painful feelings you have when you think of him will greately improve to a loving memory of him.  Love to you Patti

Permalink Reply by Bobbi Durbin on July 23, 2011 at 6:31pm

Sounds like you have a wonderful family.  I don't think they'll ever forget him.  We've been telling stories about Derrick and laughing.  Then we cry and laugh...  I know that all helps us deal with this.  I'm happy to know that the pain will improve some.  Guess the shock has to( wear off first.

((hugs)) Bobbi

 

Permalink Reply by Patti Meadows on July 23, 2011 at 6:37pm

You are so right Bobbi, it sounds like you have a good support system too.  I don't know if I could have made it without my precious husband.  He has been my rock, and I know he is hurting too.  But guys grieve differently that we do, you know?  I have been seeing a grief therapist for about 3 months, and it is helping.  She is doing a therapy called emdr/(IADC), don't know if you have ever heard of it, you can look it up online.  It's kind of neat, although I haven't had a breatkthrough yet.  I am so glad we found each other on this site.  You have brightened my day, just by chatting with me.  Thanks, Patti

Permalink Reply by Bobbi Durbin on July 23, 2011 at 7:07pm

Thank you too Patti.  Yes I too have a wonderful family.  One call and they are all pouring through my door.  They all just drop everything and get in their cars and here they are.  Amazing.  We are all planning on going to a grief support but the one here was full.  I think we are supposed to go next Tuesday.  My sister keeps up with those appointments for us.  I do think it will help.  I haven't heard of that kind of therapy you are doing.  I'll look it up as you suggested.  I've learned so much just by reading what others have been through or are struggling with now.  It's just unreal that someone else has the exact same questions and feel the exact same way I am.  Just knowing that you all are there to talk to is a tremendous help.  I know I'll find someone that understands what I'm going through and will help me get thru it.

Than you for listening Patti.  You too have brightened my day and given me hope for a better future.  And  now that I've had my melt down for the day and cried my eyes out, I'm ready to make dinner. 

Talk to you soon,

Bobbi