Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on March 30, 2012 at 9:37am

My friend Mercy,

I so wish I lived close to you.  I just want to give you a hug not just a cyber (((hug))).  It is so confusing as you read the numerous philosophies spoken of by different ones on this website.  Do you believe that the Bible is God's word and is trustworthy?  I believe it is and we can depend on what it says.

Human philosophies are so conflicting and they change.  God never changes and he wants us to understand what the truth is.  That is why I am a longtime student of the Bible.  Please allow me to help you - I CARE - so does God.  Please contact me at support@grief-and-comfort.com so we can have a confidential discussion.  Have you maybe thought that God is answering your prayers to understand by our finding each other on this website?  Is it possible that the comfort you need is within the pages of the Bible as Dennis Cole suggested a week ago?

Please don't give up,

Brenda

support@grief-and-comfort.com

www.grief-and-comfort.com

Permalink Reply by cindy parrott on March 17, 2012 at 9:49am

I'm still struggling with my faith, i understand that God didn't take my son that everyone has a time on this earth. I don't feel anything when I pray, no comfort no release from my grief. I've prayed and asked for help, but haven't found any. I mostly feel alone. I guess most time I feel like I'm just talking to myself when I pray. No one answers. I go through the motions of living. I even tried going to a christian counselor hoping that he could help me, I found it to be a waste of time.
I have always suffered from depression but could usually pull myself out, now I just can't.I know of someone who lost her young daughter to a tragic accident and saw how her faith has pulled her though it. I have prayed to be able to be like her and have the same faith but it has never come to me.

Permalink Reply by Lazondral Nelson (Nicole) on July 9, 2012 at 5:41pm

My faith, though greatly shaken was never lost. I was numb, angry and hurt all at the same time. I knew that she would be healed. I am getting through life because of God. Not in spite of God. Kashmir died 15 months ago. She lived for almost 17 weeks after her diagnosis of ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia). God loved her first. I was blessed to have her for 20 years. No one will ever replace her. He spared her physically and emotionally. She suffered horrendous things that I would not wish on my enemy, yet still proclaimed the goodness of the Lord. I miss her and love her. She is part of my "tapestry of life". I am so thankful to God for his mercy and grace. It makes all the difference in the world.

Permalink Reply by Ammy on August 11, 2012 at 10:41am

I love your positive outlook in your relationship with God.  I feel almost the same way.  PTL always.

Permalink Reply by Ammy on August 11, 2012 at 10:39am

Hi Pat, I wish I had the magic solution to all your emotions, but there is no answer, and they are all valid emotions.  You have to go through these things.  There is a saying that goes something like this:  "You don't get over grief, you get through it".  Day by day we get through it.  You need to allow yourself to feel all these emotions.  It is part of the grieving process.  I think back to those early months and I understand you.  As hard as it still is, I would not want to be back in those early months.  So, take it minute by minute if you have to and be kind to yourself by knowing you are allowed to feel whatever you are feeling, and allow yourself to feel it.  

As for your husband, I think we all grieve in our own way, and men are usually quieter about it.  Maybe they think it is a sign of weakness - I don't know, but my husband and I hardly talked the first year.  We have just passed our second year and are now starting to be able to talk about our son.  Remember, there are no rules in this.

The rest of the family and friends are going to move on.  It doesn't mean they don't or didn't care, it's just not them living it.  Life goes on for them.  No one understands this unless they live it.

Faith is so personal.  What I feel and believe may not be what you feel or believe, but I will admit that in the beginning I felt that God had really not been there for me as my son was a big part of my prayers.  He had a mental health problem and I prayed for him more than anyone else.  When he died I thought how can praying be of any good when God does not listen.  He does not answer our prayers.  Through much reading I have a different understanding now and I can accept what has happened.  I will never forget or get over it, but I can accept it.  I can only hope that you will also get to this place.  There is a comfort for me in having God to go to and believing that He truly understands what I feel as He also experienced the loss of His Son. Maybe it sounds weird, but I search for anything to make sense to me.

I hope you will find some comfort here in the group, and don't be afraid to voice what you are feeling.  You need to let your feelings out.  No one judges.  We understand.   ❤

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on October 16, 2012 at 12:13am

Dear Pat,

     What are your questions? If you do not want everyone reading your thoughts and questions, please go to www.grief-and-comfort.com  This site is email based and is therefore, completely private.

     “If a man die, shall he live again?” asked the man Job long ago. (Job 14:14, King James Version) Perhaps you, too, have wondered about this. How would you feel if you knew that a reunion with your loved ones was possible right here on earth under the best of conditions?
Well, the Bible makes the promise: “Your dead ones will live. . . . They will rise up.” And the Bible also says: “The righteous themselves will possess the earth, and they will reside forever upon it.”—Isaiah 26:19; Psalm 37:29.

Additional questions:

Why do people die?

Where are the dead?

How can we be sure they can live again?

Why do people die? Where are the dead?

How can we be sure they can live again?

Has God caused the suffering in the world?

What issue was raised in the garden of Eden?

How will God undo the effects of human suffering?

The answers to these questions have brought comfort to our family, and I hope you will find comfort also.

Brenda
mawmaw1591@gmail.com

Permalink Reply by cindy parrott on October 15, 2012 at 10:30am

I'm still struggling. Just passed the 2 year annivesary. I miss my son so much. I want to believe he is in a better place and his spirit lives on. The only the I know for sure is my love for him won't ever die until I take my last breath. I thought many times that I can't go on but I make myself. I have 2 other adult children. This has be devstating for them. I guess some people can live on faith and others lose it. I envy those who have the comfort of believing in something. I wish I could...

Permalink Reply by Kenny's mom on October 15, 2012 at 3:21pm

Cindy, I wish I could believe too... but struggle. I also envy those who can as it gives them such comfort. I try to believe that we are eternal beings...  with sort of the new age slant on things. Even that doesn't help. I am in the middle of the third year and I don't really feel any better... just different in a different way. My 25 yr old son died of a prescription drug overdose 3/30/10.  I have no other children... and no grandchildren.  DJ

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on October 15, 2012 at 9:35pm

If there was a way to build your faith in God would you do it? would you want to gain faith?

If you want to talk about this where your words and feelings are completely private, go to www.grief-and-comfort.com - this sight is email based and nothing you say will ever be posted publicly.

Brenda

support@grief-and-comfort.com

Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on October 19, 2012 at 7:16am

What exactly is faith?

To some it is believing in God, and that he cares, and if it feels as if he hasn't listened, or hasn't cared, then that "faith" is shaken or lost.

But faith is not defined as just belief. Here is the best definition of faith we could ever get.

"Faith is the assured expectation of things hoped for, the evident demonstration of realities though not beheld"

If we just concentrate for a moment on the first part of that definition we see that "faith" is directly connected to our HOPE. So if our faith is shaken it is because we are struggling with, or have doubts about, or have completely lost, OUR HOPE.

so to build faith, or to regain our faith, we must find out what we should be hoping for. And who we need to hope in or trust so we can realize that hope.

Sadly, most people have been taught to blame God instead. Is that the way we should feel? Is it really Gods purpose, or are we misinformed?

If, as I believe, we have been taught untruths, then comfort will come as we learn the truth about what has happened in our lives, our losses, and our HOPES.

ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE IS THE KEY!!

Permalink Reply by Ammy on October 22, 2012 at 9:45am

Dennis, what you say makes sense to me, but I am a believer.  You didn't say what you believe.

I think that most of us feel that God let us down when we first lose our loved one(s).  For me it was to keep on trusting that brought my full confidence back to the Lord.  I know He didn't allow this to cause us pain, but we can't know what is ahead as He can.

Reading Bible scripture showed me how to believe and trust again.  That is my knowledge.  We can't find it without wanting it and looking for it.  Just as our relationships with people takes effort, so does a relationship with God.

Yes, faith is having trust in what we can't see or completely understand, but taking that step to trust and believe.

God's blessings to all.

Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on November 9, 2012 at 6:49am

Ammy

It is evident from your posts that you do read the Bible, and you do believe and have faith in God.

You stated "you didn't say what you believe."

I will say just a bit here.

I believe that God has NOTHING to do with death.
He does not predetermine it for us.
He does not cause it.
Death is NOT part of God's purpose.
We die for one simple reason.

Romans 5:12 That is why, just as through one man sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned

We die because we SIN. That doesn't mean that we all go out and intentionally do bad things. It means that we are all imperfect. We all fall short of God's righteous standards. Why? Not because of God. Because the first humans rebelled and sinned, and they caused this defect to be passed on to all of their progeny US. All of us. No matter what age, no matter what!

I won't continue at this point, but to say that this is not the end by any means. Where I believe that God is NOT part of the problem, I completely believe that he is the ONLY SOLUTION. And he has given us every answer we need in his Word, the Bible.

Why we die?
What happens to us when we die?
What hope does God give us for our dead loved ones?

It is all there, we just have to see it.

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