Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Charlotte Riker on July 14, 2012 at 10:21pm

I am so sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your young daughter Matt.   I know the terrible pain and anxiety that you are feeling.  I too lost my son, Jeremy to many years of heroin/morphine use during his sleep on Thanksgiving Day 2009 and he was 35.  There are no words that can ease the pain during this time but crying and long walks, etc help release this anxiety and grief.  Prayer and this grief site has helped me tremendously.  

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you walk this path.

Charlotte

Permalink Reply by Soleil's Momma on July 14, 2012 at 10:29pm

Matt, Continue to breathe, take it second by second, minute by minute...nothing more for now. Call your primary care physician/nurse practitioner get something to calm you for the next couple of weeks, you need to sleep and rest for the long journey ahead. You can do it, Amanda, in her right mind, would want you to. I will look for your future posts, we feel your pain, you're not alone.

 

Permalink Reply by Lazondral Nelson (Nicole) on July 14, 2012 at 10:59pm

I am so sorry for your family's loss. My prayers and condolences for you and your family. I pray that the Lord comforts you during this time. I know that it hurts. The pain is undescribable. I experienced this myself when I lost my daughter Kashmir to cancer. She was 20 also. I journaled, got counseling and relied heavily on my faith. My friends and church family were so good to me. They did not always know what to say. And thats okay. Be honest with yourself and those around you. Everyone is different. There is no magic formula. You do not want to keep your feelings bottled up. Release. Cry. Yell. Scream. Whatever works for you. There is no easy way to walk this journey.

Permalink Reply by lynne thompson on July 14, 2012 at 11:08pm

Hi Matt, My name is Lynne , I am so sorry about your daughter, there is nothing worse in life than losing a child.  I lost one child in 1994 and another son about 4 months ago....I know you feel pain, we all on here know what you are going through.  Keep talking about your daughter, and know the beginning is like having your heart taken out.   I am so sorry about your loss.   Sometimes I can look at pictures of my sons, other times I have to take them down......this is a rollarcoaster ride.......I am so terribly sorry.  Parents left behind are in so much pain and agony....I journal a lot about my feelings and sometimes that helps me.....please take care and I am once again so sorry for your loss.

 

Permalink Reply by Sophia on July 24, 2012 at 12:17pm

Sincerely sorry for your loss. I too lost my 22 yr old son to heroine November 13, 2011. Although I knew my son could die from an overdose at any time does not make dealing with his loss any 'easier'. Two of my sons close friends died from heroine overdoses & how many times had i found my son "sleeping" upon shooting this evil into his veins, hunched over, barely breathing. Too many times. People who die from a heroine overdose die very peacefully, in their sleep essentially. When my son died it helped me to know he died peacefully. I have been seeing a grief counselor who has helped me understand my varying emotions. I know I will always have an ache in my heart, the pain of losing a child runs so deep. I am so sorry for your loss. There is an epidemic of heroine use & death among our teens & 20-somethings. I've known 3 people in their early 20's who've died from heroine - now including my oldest child. My heart is broken! All i can think to do myself is to counsel others who are suffering from drug addiction. Drug addiction is a disease & it can be treated but never cured. If I can help one person I feel I'm honoring my son's memory. It is so, so hard to think of the remainder of my life without him!

Permalink Reply by matthew shelly on July 24, 2012 at 10:46pm

Thank you Sophia, for your words. As i was reading, I felt as if you were describing my exact situation with Amanda. 3 years of emergency room sleepless nights waiting for her to waken from another overdose, only to go through it all again weeks later. Finding her passed out, hunched over on the toilet. Throwing her out of my house...my ex-wife throwing her out of HER house...the guilt...the tears...the tough love...all of it. Awful memories. The worst part of it all is how senseless it all was. My daughter was beautiful, loving, full of life and energy, compassionate...and she was surrounded by good, kind, loving family her whole life. No bad childhood, big psyche problems...nothing. She just had a personality since the day she was born that made her very passionate and experimental in life. She did everything to excess. Wanted to experience everything she could, sometimes regardless of the consequences. Now she's gone. Her mom and I accept her early death as part of her destiny. We believe that we did everything we could to save her. Although that doesnt ever really ease the pain.

      I'm actually doing pretty well. I've accepted her death, and i celebrate her life. She would want that, i know. I can't see wallowing in grief my whole life...its just too painful for that. Besides, I have a 19 year old son ( Amanda's brother ), Ian, who needs me...and I need him. We have a strong bond that will never fail. Also a loving, wonderful wife and a great family. My daughter will always be right here in my heart with me wherever i go, and i will remember all the wonderful times that i spent with her all of my days.

   Thank you, Sophia, and God Bless You.

Permalink Reply by lynne thompson on July 24, 2012 at 1:38pm

I am so sorry Matt of your tragic loss, I know the feelings you are having I lost 2 sons one at 26 another just this year at 45.......We all have to find what works with us in this journey, I also like Charlotte, take long walks , cry and pray......for others they find comfort in other things.....Please take care of yourself during this time, for many people neglect themselves .    I am thinking and praying for you, another site, I like is Compassionate Friends, which I also attend in my area......that support group just helps me so much, please take care, Matt.  lynne