Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on December 12, 2010 at 4:04pm

Dear Maria, I am so sorry. You are a beautiful person to share your love with so many chidren, I am sorry that you have to experience such a loss,  I am sorry for all of us. There really are no comforting words, except, I truly understand.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on December 12, 2010 at 4:05pm

Hey Maria, did you read the poem I posted above?

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on December 12, 2010 at 6:03pm

Maria.....of course, please print it and share it. This site provides a way to vent without us being judged.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on December 12, 2010 at 7:22pm

I know. I have cried EVERY day for 14 months. I cant wear any makeup. I recently started going back to my hair salon, I had no interest. My daughter told me that my son would be very upset if I don't get my hair, he wouldn't like me looking so run down.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on February 18, 2011 at 8:11pm

Hello Maria and all other members. I didn't realize that our children were so close in age when they passed away.......my son was 21. It's funny how you mentioned self medicating with alcohol.  One of my son's best friends was tragically killed just a little over a year before my son and I remember how devastated my son was. Anyway, at his burial, I so vividly remember his mom carrying a bag with a bottle of Hennessey and as they started to lower her precious son....she put the bottle to her mouth and began to guzzle it! When her family members went to her side, she politely told them to leave her alone because that was her "baby" in there. My heart just ached for her.......who knew that in a little over a year's time, I too would be standing in that same cementary, totally in shock and despair that MY son was now there. If I had been a drinker, I probably would still be drunk! Luckily, for me, I was never a drinker, not even socially....I have never cared for the taste of any alcohol.....not even a wine cooler. I am glad you realized that drinking would only harm you.

 

You definately said it right........life is definately "different".

Permalink Reply by Joan Hardin on March 15, 2011 at 8:00pm

I would do anything to be able to change what happened to my daughter. I have often felt that I would rather it be me instead of her because I've lived and she had so much living ahead of her that was robbed from her.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on March 15, 2011 at 8:38pm

Hey Joan.........I would have traded places with my son in an instant.

Permalink Reply by Lisa Westgate on July 18, 2011 at 12:24am

But it's not all you have left. You have stories of the times you had 
 together. Your child had more to tend to. Even if you feel it's unfair
know that you are here to share their story and when you see the
 sun think of that smile of theirs no matter what anyone tells you...
 better always with someone you love. I was in a terrible motorcycle
accident and luckily I survived barely.I am sure it's hard to Believe
 but you are amazing and your child is smiling at you now.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on January 19, 2011 at 9:45pm

Greetings to all members of this site and group. just wanted to connect with everyone. I am still having a difficult time with the loss of my son. I am surprised that I still have any tears left. I am being physically and emotionally drained. My poor other children, they want me to "snap" out of it, they are really worried about me. I cant seem to make them understand I do NOT choose to be this way. I try to hide or wait until I am alone to let it all out when I can no longer contain it. I have literally cried everyday for the last 14 months.........everyday! My biggest escape is when I am in my car. Sometimes I drive by myself to my son's memorial site and I scream and curse  the whole 10 minute ride. The markings of where my son was laying is still on the street! And the markings of where they marked the front and rear end of the motorcycle he was on, are also still there. My anger also worsens when I visit my son's final resting place, that dreadful cementary. I still go very often and I talk to him freely. When the weather was warmer, I would go everyday and I would get pissed off if someone tried to discourage me. Sometimes I sit there for hours in a daze, sometimes when i am there, i feel like my insides are going to explode. My sister-in-law lost her 10 month old son 16yrs ago and she never has the desire to go to his resting place because she told me that it makes his death a reality to her and she has NEVER accepted it. Everyone is different. She also told me that she will NEVER have a memorial stone placed at his resting place. 

Sorry that I still have no encouraging words to offer but thanks to all that have listened.

Permalink Reply by Joan Hardin on March 15, 2011 at 8:06pm

I was recently told they still have the markings on the street where she landed and where her shoes landed, the impact blew her shoes off her feet. i haven't been able to go down that part of the street. I can't go by the intersection leading to that street or where she worked without melting into a puddle of tears. I don't drive due to epilepsy but am grateful that my family uses different routes even if it means a longer trip to avoid going by there.

Permalink Reply by cassie on March 9, 2011 at 10:41am

Hi everyone... I'm so sorry for all of our losses here. Time does hurt more at times than it helps!

I lost Jesse 7 years ago. At first, another mother told me that the grief would get worse after the first year. I was horrified!! But she was right... after that first year, the shock really did wear off and it was worse....

After 7 years, I still feel the pain, but I want to give you hope... I am doing better. I can cope now, and have days when I actually feel normal... or mostly normal.

I know the anger you are all talking about.... it ruled me for the longest time, and still does, but now it seems to come only with triggers. Every time I hear someone complain about their life... or how "rough" they have things...It seems my sympathy has vanished completely for anyone who has not dealt with grief.

Hugs to you all

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on March 9, 2011 at 9:24pm

Oh my goodness Cassie, I feel the same way about people complaining about things when they are not experiencing grief, especially if they haven't lost a child. Their complaints seem so trivial and I must admit that it gets on my last nerve. No parent would ever volunteerily sign up to have a funeral for their child, no matter how old they are.

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