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Comment by Jenny Renn on July 29, 2015 at 6:20pm

Sorry, I won't take up too much more of your time - Just to say, I hold onto silly things that my Mom had like a scrap of paper that she wrote her shopping list on.  To see her handwriting melts my heart.  You realize that you will never see a birthday or special occasion card from your parent again.  It's heartbreaking.  I do not mean for you prolong your daughter's pain but for me, a book of thoughts from my Mom would be wonderful. 

Anyway Pauline, I wish you much strength and many more years with your loved ones.  Take care x

Comment by Jenny Renn on July 29, 2015 at 6:16pm

Hi Pauline, I have been meaning to send you a message since I first read your note and I am sorry it has taken a while to write.  You message moved me so much.  First, I understand your pain about missing your Mom as mine passed on in January 2014, nearly 5 months after my Dad passed on.  My little boy was just 3 weeks old when he passed.  It has been a rollercoaster of emotions.  As a daughter, I had at the back of my head the fact that my parents were older than my friend's parents.  My Mom was 40 and my Dad 50 when I was born.  Considering all of their health issues they didn't do too badly but that doesn't take away the pain of missing them everyday and feeling the massive void that can never be filled.  I think that I will always feel as you have, that I will always have the urge to call my Mom when something good or bad happens, to ask if she wants me to get her anything from the shops.  My Dad was on dialysis for the last 5 years of his life so there was a lot of hospital and doctors visits, lots of calling consultants and doctors to check that things were in order.  My mother had chronic heart and kidney failure too and so it was the same with her.  I am glad that I was there though to be with them.  I am very fortunate, I am self employed with my husband and we moved to the same town as my parents so I got to see them daily and was able to go to the majority of appointments.  As I daughter, I would say that having her Mother or Father under the same roof is a blessing.  I know that a lot of people would not be able to do that and I understand that but if you are very blessed to be able to get on with your parent the majority of the time (and vice versa) then you have already made your daughter's future feeling of loss a little better as she will think, 'at least I had that time with Mom'.  That is what I would think anyway.  My husbands parents are actually moving in with us (we have moved into a new house and building works are underway) as they are elderly and need some assistance and they do not want to go into a nursing home.  We do not want them to either.  I know that at times it may be trying but it is a gift that my husband gets to spend this time with his parents.  I know that when the time comes, he will appreciate the time he had with them. 

I read once about Mindy Kaling, the actress/comedian, talk about the passing of her Mother.  From the moment she was diagnosed with breast cancer Mindy left the show she was working to be with her Mother.  She said that everyone thought that she would have a couple of years but unfortunately it was aggressive and she lived for another 8 months.  During that time Mindy would sit with her Mom with a notebook and pen and asked her Mom about every question she could possibly think of and wrote down her Mom's advise.  I thought that this was amazing.  My mother passed on quite rapidly and I wish I had asked her more things, written down her recipes for my favourite foods that she used to cook.  Asked her more about her past, her childhood etc.  I wonder, if you haven't done it already, if writing a journal or a book of Mom's memories, keepsakes and advice might be of comfort to her?  Since my parent's passing I have found a few photographs that I did not know existed.  One is of my Mom holding me in a car.  I don't know how old I was, where we were etc., but things like that are so great when you find them.  If you had photographs that you could include with notes about the day, about how you felt and any other memories that you can recollect would be so amazing.  Advice though, you can't beat your Mom's advice.  Even small things like how to budget your shopping properly (maybe a bad example) or anything really, even if it seems trivial.  continued..

Comment by Pauline Bailey-Dawes on July 23, 2015 at 10:59pm

There is nothing more devastating than the loss of your mother , especially for a woman.  I lost my amazing Mother 25 years ago--yes, 25 years ago--and I have never gotten over missing her.  Does it ruin my life or even effect me on a daily basis?  No.  But I still think "Oh, I need to call Mom!" when something good happens; or "Oh, geez--I really need to talk to Mom." when something bad happens.  And then that overwhelming sense of loss hits me and I have to choke back tears.  With time, I have learned to accept these emotions.  But now I am in fear for my daughter.  I have MS and my health is failing.  I am now crippled, with congestive heart failure, and in constant pain.  None of that really matters to me, as long as my daughter's life is good.  She and I are even closer than my Mother and I were, so I am afraid for her when I go.  We lost her Dad last year, and she was devastated;  she and I are closer than they were.  I now share a house with her and her family (husband and 2 precious kids) and we are all very happy together.  We have worked out the kinks and dealt with the little annoyances that can make life miserable; we are a family.  And I am there for my daughter 24/7 and that scares me for the future.  I am terrified that when she loses me, she will fall apart.  So I feel it is the last of my obligations to her as her Mother to find some way to make that future easier for her--and I just don't know how...Is there any way to do that?  Is it even possible?  What do I do? 

Comment by Jayne on July 9, 2015 at 10:13pm

everyday without my mom not physically here is heartbreaking. I try to enjoy everyday , it it so hard. keeping busy helps for a temporary fix so I try and keep as busy as I can.

Comment by Danny on March 3, 2015 at 9:07am

Its tough Tina and as the second year begins, it sort of gets a bit tougher as there is no history of the month in the previous year. Trying to function individually is how I am doing it too.  I stopped feeling bad about people not understanding as they are not grief specialists.

Comment by Tina on March 3, 2015 at 1:06am

Today is the one year anniversary of my mother's death. She died from  blood cancer that she was fighting for 3 years. This week has been particularly hard since it is the start of my second year without her. I am know aware of how much my family and I did have not talked about our grief. We just try to function and live our lives individually. My world still feels torn apart and I feel that no one understands the pain.  

Comment by Jennifer L Gebhardt on February 2, 2015 at 9:25am

There is a feeling that overwhelms you when you lose your mom. My mom moved in with me in 2010 after finding out she had breast cancer. Everything was fine until last year. She passed away October 16th after a great fight. Me, my home and my family will never be the same. Miss her every minute! My heart goes out to all of you!

Comment by pushpa on February 2, 2015 at 9:11am

My mom was assaulted by unknown assailants in her bedroom.

16^th January 2014 . . . . .An Act of brutality by unknown assailants in the face of a JUVENILE ,  completely changed our life . . .

 

Around 4 pm my father found my beloved MOTHER in a pool of blood in her bedroom. Mother, a religious lady, full of life and vigour, was hospitalized with severe head injury (multiple skull fracture) caused by some blunt object.

She remained unconscious for around 30 days . . . the most disturbing days of our life. She continued her battle for life with life support medical equipment. With her sheer willpower she came out of coma and gradually started speaking. Finally the day came when she was discharged (though paralyzed and completely bedridden) from hospital only to be mercilessly snatched away in next few days. The brave lady battled for life for long and departed for heavenly abode on 2^nd March 2014 

Comment by Jenny Renn on November 30, 2014 at 1:34pm

Hi Dana, I am sorry to hear about your Mum.  I know exactly how you feel.  I lost my Mum last January and my Dad September, 2013.  Recently though I have been thinking about my Mum more and I think it is, as you say, because it is Christmas time.  I was in our local store and saw the chocolates that my Mum would buy people for Christmas, it got me thinking of our routine that we would have when we would go into town to do the weekly shop.  I see my friends who still have a parent or parents and I am so envious but also glad for them too, they still have them and that is a real blessing.  Whenever I miss my parents though, I do think how they are not in any pain and that is a relief.  It doesn't stop me missing them loads though. I hope that you have family and/friends to comfort you as well as this site.  

Comment by Dana on November 29, 2014 at 9:57am

I lost my mom in Feb 2013 and for some reason it is hitting me really hard now.  She was 83 and was the kind of person that lit up a room.  I miss her all the time but lately it has been really difficult to deal with her being gone.  Maybe it's the holidays.

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