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Comment by BLUEBELL on May 8, 2018 at 11:35pm

One year later, I am still struggling. It has been become even harder because my sister's husband died suddenly April 9th 2018. I feel physically ill. I can not stand the emotional pain my sister is going through. I can not stand the emotional pain I am going through. I feel like nobody really understands how his death has intensified my grief over my Mom's death 1 year ago Feb. 14th. I really need some relief from these intense feelings of sadness, but nothing helps. I am trying to be strong and support my sister whom I love dearly, but it is hard, really hard.

Bluebell

Comment by Debbie Lynn Hallstrom on February 20, 2018 at 11:12pm

July 4, 2016.  

when life changed....

Good days, bad days but the one thing that exist is that I can't cope. I hide it all the time. I try to smile, I do smile but inside, I am terrible. My mom was my very best friend. She was my everything. I can't deal with the pain anymore.....

Comment by Jenni H on February 16, 2018 at 3:17am

My mom died on February 25, 2017. She had a stroke a year and half that rendered her paralyzed and she had aphasia. I was her caregiver. It was extremely impossible to stomach seeing my mother constantly in pain. My nerves and mental state was gone at that point. I watched her wither away for over a year. She lost her mind more and more every day. She constantly itched, she couldn't sit still. She cried non stop. Honestly when she died I felt some relief, but then started the guilt. I hate myself. I hate it that she left me on this earth alone. She was my only friend. I have no one except my father. I really have no one to talk to. My best friend of 40 years quit talking to me after my mom's death. I guess she had experienced too much grief her self and didn't want to deal with mine. Some friend. Anyway, I'm bitter depressed angry agoraphobic now. I know what people are after my mom's death. No one gave a crap about her while she was sick, no one came to see her. Most tried to take advantage of her sickness. It sickened me in every way imaginable. I can't stand being around people or talking to them anymore, I don't trust anyone but my father.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 27, 2017 at 2:22am

I have lost my purpose in life now that my Mom passed away Feb 14th 2017. I was her caregiver. I kept my own home, but pretty much moved into hers, only going to mine to take care of my dog and cats. I am having a hard time with eating right and sleeping. I miss her and I miss our routine. I do not know how to move on or even if I should expect myself to get back to having a life without her yet

Bluebell

Comment by sasha citino on December 16, 2016 at 6:25am

Thank you Jenny. I've done some grief counselling, it helped some, it probably would have helped more if I was able to talk about her more. I just couldn't most days, like stuck grief or something.

Comment by Jenny Renn on December 12, 2016 at 5:15pm

Hi Sasha

I am so sorry about your Mom passing.  My Mum passed on in January of 2013, it will be her 3 year anniversary soon.  I cannot believe how the time has flown by and that it has been 3 years since I last saw and spoke to her.  I am sorry to hear about your physical pain too.  I miss my Mum everyday but the emotional pain comes back every now and again and I think that will always be the case but if you can find another way of releasing your pain such as through bereavement counseling, it will help so much more than harming yourself.  You are right, no mother wants their child to hurt themselves.  It can be a quick fix but the problem is, is that it doesn't last that long and before you know it, you want to feel that release again.  Through counseling, you will be able to express and process your grief.  I know that I may sound generic in recommending bereavement counseling but talking about your Mom and your thoughts, fears and pain will provide you with more sustainable release from your pain than cutting.  I have a small insight as to how this must feel but I won't pretend to know exactly how you feel as we all grieve in our own way, everyone is different but we all need to process our grief and talking about our loved one(s) is part of helping to heal the immense pain and void that is left when they pass on.  If you every want to chat, I would be happy to listen.  Sending you a virtual hug

Comment by sasha citino on December 12, 2016 at 10:37am

It's been a year since I lost my Mom, I don't feel any better, I still miss her, I am still lost, still picking  up the phone first thing in the morning to call her, still wake up multiple times a night thinking I need to check on her to see if she's ok.  I have done a lot of cutting to release the pain this year...sometimes that scares me OR more often than not, I feel guilty because I know it would not be something she wanted for me ...again.  All I can offer, is empathy and a virtual hug. 

Comment by Erin on February 22, 2016 at 9:04pm

I have personally come to the conclusion that the pain never stops. To be honest l, truly cut myself open and let it all out, part of me hopes it doesn't. I never want to stop remembering my mother and all the love she gave the world.

Comment by Karen Cowe on January 27, 2016 at 8:03pm

Does anyone really get over the loss of there Mom?

Comment by Felicia on January 2, 2016 at 10:09pm

Wondering tonite if I will be counted worthy to see you again, Mom.

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