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Forget about the rest
I lost my husband of 18 years 6 weeks ago and I am struggling to come to grips with it. It was sudden in a fatal car crash that left us all shattered and wondering if it was a horrible dream that we would wake up from but haven't yet. I am almost afraid to write this because of how close and loved everyone here has spoken about their spouse that passed and before his death I would have said the same thing but since his death so much has come to light that I do not know what is real and what is truth. Several woman have come out and said they were having a relationship with my husband and I don't understand when these relationships would have taken place and he is not here to say yes or no and I don't understand why they would wait until now to say these things. Family and friends tell me that he spoke of me and out kids with love and that they know he loved us and I need to ignore all these other woman but how can I? I feel betrayed and I it is affecting my trust. Can I trust what they are telling me, "forget about the rest and know that I was loved." Or do I believe what these woman are saying?
What I am most confused about is why I am still hurting and wishing he was still here. With all that has come to light I still miss him and I still wish he was here with me. I don't know how to be single, I have never had to be we were together since jr high school. I feel like there is a hole in me and no one sees it. That the world is still moving and don't realize that I am at a standstill. That I have to take it one second, one minute, one hour at a time. I hate going to family events like theme parks because I look at complete families and hurt because my family will never be complete again. We use to do all kinds of family things together and now it feels strange to do them without him.
I haven't changed anything or gotten rid of any of his things. I washed up his dirty clothes and put them away like he was coming back to use them. I have not been able to sleep in our room since the date of the accident and I sometimes just go and sit hoping to feel his presence and I don't. Our house has a different feel to it, it is like the essence of it has left. There is a new, different quiet that we are having a hard time adjusting to.
I try to be strong for my little ones but not a day goes by that I don't cry several times. Usually it is at the times when he use to call or send me a text at work. Now my phone is silent and I find myself still checking for my text or call only to realize it will never happen again.
I am struggling and I need help.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sad and Depressed on
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Thanks Peggy, I am trying to stay focused and forget about everything else but survival. I cannot believe how lonely I am. I am lonely in a crowd and no one seems to notice. I spoke with my husband through out the day when I was at work and everyday on my to and from work. Now my phone is silent and it seems like I am all alone. How do you get over being lonely? How do you go on when it feels like a part of you is missing? I am struggling and I try not to burden my friends because they mean well but don't understand I feel like the third wheel to their family and it hurts to watch them because they are complete in a way me and my kids will never be again.
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Peggy, I am praying that I am able to get to your current state. The world has kept moving but I feel like I am an outsider looking in the window wishing I could be a part of what is going on inside the window. But instead I am stuck on the outside and people are just passing me by without recognizing I am there. One is definitely a lonely number. Praying for a better state for us all.
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Permalink Reply by Glennda Wright on
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I'm so sorry for your loss, I to lost my husband suddenly from a fatal car accident on Dec 27, 2015. It's a shock to your system, my whole world turned upside down. I couldn't sleep in our room for quite a while it was just to hard. I've started taking little steps to help me coup with not having him in my life anymore like change our bedroom and make it mine. Instead of a reminder of him not being here I changed things around and made it my sanctuary, a place to go when everything was just to much and I needed a break. I've made myself focus on the day I'm in and not look to far in the future, set little goals for myself.
As for those women who have said things to you, my best suggestions to you would be to let what they said go, there are no answers and all it will do is cause you more pain. Try to remember the good times with your husband and the knowledge you were loved very much by him. People will say the craziest things when someone dies, I had to deal with a fair share of drama myself after my husband died and sadly some people use things like this to get attention and cause more pain. My thoughts are with you and your family. -
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Hardest times to get through are the phone calls that came same time everyday that don't come.also the time when he came home from work.I still expect him to come home.it's only been 2 months but it feels like every day is a long day with sadness .
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I can relate to a lot of what you're feeling. I lost my partner of 8.5 years also six weeks ago, Feb 15th, 2016. Even though we weren't married, we were together almost everyday, and if we weren't, we talked or texted each other. But prior to his death, I was trying to overcome his infidelities, and we were trying to work things out. But the day he passed (I found him in his bed, he passed away in his sleep) my whole world changed and it didn't matter what he did in the past, I just wanted him back. I kept a few things of his just for keepsake and as reminders, but I had to put them away because I just hurt too much seeing them everyday. I have his picture on my mirror in my bedroom and I talk to him, tell him how much I love and miss him. I still can't go to certain places where we used to go, I can't listen to certain songs or watch certain TV programs or movies. It's too much of a reminder and It just makes me feel even worse! I'm hoping in time I will be able to enjoy all these things again. I hate to be a burden to family and friends so I keep much of what I'm feeling to myself. I've gone back to work the week after it happened, It helps some to keep my mind occupied and I try to keep as busy as possible. I agree with Peggy, you have to just ignore what your are hearing about these other women, people can be cruel and ignorant whether they know it or not. You know in you heart how he felt about you and the relationship the two of you had, and that's all you need to know right now. Flora.