My husband and I were on our way home from grocery shopping. It was a beautiful warm day in Florida. I never ever would've thought, that day was the last day I'd see my soulmate. I am 28 years old, I lost my ex Matthew of an overdose at 18 so I never thought it would happen to me again. I never thought I'd lose yet another man in my life...Then in the blink of an eye, it happened again. But this time, was far worse.
Scott was my heart and soul. We met in sept of 2006, but didn't start dating until April 1st 2007. We were inseparable. He saved my life. I was in a very bad spot in my life, addicted to narcotics and an alcoholic, he was addicted to cocaine, it was a mess!...5 months of being together, we decided to get sober, we've both been sober since 2007.
We wanted to start a family together but the doctors told both of us, we couldnt have kids. BULLSHIT! Our 1st son was born 5-30-08...Oh yeah, and our SECOND son 3-18-10. Legit doctors we saw huh?
Having kids never changed us. If anything, made us stronger. We always had so much fun together, and he understood me completely. I was diagnosed with PTSD after my 1st boyfriend died next to me...I also had severe anxiety disorder and panic disorder. He helped me through it. Scott was my EVERYTHING. He was never pushy, very respectful, very caring...Would do anything for anyone. He was raised in Florida, a country boy with a heart of gold. He loved being a daddy. He lived for his family. Hardest working man I ever met. He was my soul.
We lived in NH for 9 years together but in December 2015, his father passed away...His dad was sick for many years. Scott decided he wanted to go home, back to Florida, where his mother and other close family was.
I was hesitant because my family is in NH. But when I followed Scott anywhere.
Florida was hell. Couldn't get a decent job, we were broke...Living on me and my youngest son's disability check (he has ocular albinism and is legally blind) but we got through. It was tough but as long as we were together...It was good.
On Feb 2nd, that morning, I dropped the boys off at school and called Scott, telling him to get ready that we needed to go grocery shopping. We had sex (kinda personal but I'm so glad we did that morning...It was the last time I made love to my husband) got dressed and jumped in the truck. It was such a good day, he was in a great mood, as was I. We got in a small argument about a company that kept calling him about a rent to own housing list that I thought was a scam so I told him to hang up. We got to the grocery store, I don't remember the grocery store too well (thinking I have memory loss...I'll get into that more in a minute) I remember going to the RV place to get lightbulbs and Scott saying the bulbs were really expensive. I remember going to dunkin donuts to get him his coffee.
When we got into barberville...We stopped to get gas...Somewhere along the trip he asked me to drive, it might've been at Dunkin donuts, I remember him saying "you drive, I'm exhausted and I don't want to fuck up and get into an accident).
At the gas station, I remember him grabbing my butt cause he loved my butt. Lol. I remember us kissing and hugging and loving on eachother. Leaving the gas station...I don't remember. The next thing I remember was Scott saying "watch out for this guy" and seeing a tan Silverado sliding across the road and all of a sudden getting hit, very very hard and I watched the windshield break. I woke up to smoke filling up the truck and I remember it was very very hot but I couldn't get out because the airbags were covering the windows. Next I felt the excruciating pain in my face, chest, stomach and right foot. I yelled for Scott. He didn't respond. Looking over at him, he was hunched over, eyes wide open and drool and a little blood coming out of his mouth....I thought he was breathing...i grabbed his phone and automatically called his mom...Told her we were in an accident and we were trapped in the truck and it was hot. Finally, I got pulled out and put on the side of the road...I don't remember much...Just remember telling them to go to Scott and I remember a woman wouldn't let me get up to go to the truck.
I remember the paramedics putting a yellow sheet over Scott's side of the truck to cover it...I knew right then...I fucking knew it. The paramedics told me it was "because there was alot of blood"...They lied to me...For hours. I didn't find out until hours later that my husband, the father of our children, my best friend, my mentor, my everything was taken from me. I screamed as loud as I could when I found out...I remember wanting to run. But that was impossible...I had life threatening injuries...I wasn't going anywhere. I had a broken right foot, internal bleeding, sprained right ankle, broken nose, my arm was cut open to the bone...But the emotional injuries...Were far worse.
Scott's family came to see me and I was expecting them to attack me...But instead, they all hugged me. Insisted it wasn't my fault...But I'm sitting here today with "what ifs" circling my mind. What if we stayed at the gas station a little longer?...What if I told him to put on his seat belt?...Guilt is engulfing me.
They charging the fucking idiot that hit us with reckless driving and vehicular homicide...I'm happy for that. He was an illegal Mexican.That piece of illegal scum stole my life away..And I plan to lock his life away.
I found out a week ago he was DOS (dead on scene) I still don't know if he passed away immediately or if he stayed alive...I hope it was immediately atleast. I hope there was no pain. He passed from injuries to his chest...His chest was crushed, might've been from the airbags...Another thing I don't know yet...
I came home from the hospital and my boys ran to me and automatically asked "where's daddy?" I fucking died inside. Having to tell a 6 & 8 year old daddy's not coming home because he's in heaven was the worst thing I've ever had to do.
They're doing OK. Set them.up with grief counseling.
Me? I'm a mess. I contemplate suicide everyday. The only thing keeping me alive are our 2 boys. They can't lose me too.
This pain is excruciating...It's the worst pain I've ever had to deal with. So many memories. 10 years with the man of my dreams...Gone...In the blink of an eye.

(It took a long time to type this...I had to keep stopping to cry. My life is in shambles...I'm alone. It's just me and my boys now. But we'll make it. Scott would expect me to be strong)
Thanks for reading.

Rest easy my love. "Love you to the moon and back"
Scott Brian Burleigh 10/22/76 - 2/2/17