Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kathleen akin on August 11, 2016 at 5:21pm

I don't take everything, or maybe anything written in the bible literally. It's been translated into so many languages over time by men, who maybe had opinions that snuck into what they were "translated" I go by my own faith and beliefs. What makes sense to me.

I think God wants us to love ourselves all day long, as best we can, and each other, just as we love him.

It's hard to do though. I'm not sure I'm doing it. I feel it from some people sometimes though and I'm amazed.

I want to die and be with my husband even though I'm not totally sure I will be able to. Or if I believe in that anymore. I have kids and grandkids...why don't they make me want to live?

I'm sorry for your loss since I know how awful this is. To lose the one who means the most to us. Feels impossible.

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on August 12, 2016 at 3:20pm

Thanks for responding, my situation is so crazy. I have very high blood pressure and if it was not for our daughter needing me--I would do nothing about it and go and be with Kevin.  You know what I heard yesterday on the radio, I do not know how because I have not be listening to KLOVE, but this guy was saying we may never understand why god is allowing such pain but it says:“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

and my daughters counsler said we will not get bored praising him in heaven as praising him is in doing things also--not just prayer.

These things gave me comfort, but I still am not ready to praise him or go to church.

Ruthie

Permalink Reply by Elynn m on August 11, 2016 at 6:42pm

 Ruthie,  so sorry to hear about your tragic loss.  My husband went to be with the Lord 11 months ago.    Unexpected, but not as tragic as your experience.    God is my hope.    when we have a relationship with Him, he wants us to pray (to talk to Him) I know you love your son very much.  God loves you the same way that you love your son.   Yes, God can do things without our prayers, but He would prefer that we talk to Him.   If I claim that Jesus is my friend, then I should want to talk to Him.   That's what friends do.   It's OK to tell God how angry we are and how sad we feel.  He's listening, even though we don't always "feel" that He is there.      Jesus is the best friend I've ever had.   During this time other friends seem to disappear (because they do not understand and are afraid), but He understands me.    Again, I am so sorry about your husband.

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on August 12, 2016 at 3:26pm

I am at 8 months--so we are pretty close in the grief time, if there is such a thing.

6 months was so hard and his birthday was ten days after that.

Our daughter, Tonya, is 26 and Kevin was so looking forward to a grandson--I told him a granddaughter would be just as fun--but he wanted a grand boy as he always wanted a boy, but we only had one. Kev was so great with our daughter and seem to relate better to little girls and even girls up to my daughters age.

He went to church every sunday and begged me to go, I was to lazy--now I just do not want to.

Thanks for responding:)

Permalink Reply by Copper "Charlie" on August 13, 2016 at 12:34am

Hi.  I'm not really sure why I'm writing, to e honest.  Today is really not the day for it.  I want to say first that I am so very about your husband.  Mine died unexpectedly, as well, but there was no questions involved with his death or any person who could have caused it.  I can't imagine how hard it is to see Fred and know what he's done and to be looking at not getting any decent closure.  My heart goes out to you.

Yes, I have asked that same question and have yet to find a decent enough answer to satisfy me.  All I can do is wait to get there and see, if I'm lucky enough to join my husband.  Sometimes I worry that doubt will keep me from him.  But that's just me. 

What I do believe, though, is that God will not give us more than we can handle through Him.  While I don't really know that I can handle this, although everyone keeps telling me how strong I am (anyone else get sick of hearing that?), what I do believe is that God loves my Mark as much as He loves me.  So, I believe He saw that things were coming my husband would not be able to bear even with His great strength, and had mercy on him.  And while I would have done almost anything to keep him with me, I would rather do anything to keep him from pain and suffering, even if that meant having to be without him.  Because I love my husband more than anything.  I miss him.  I ache for him.  But I'd rather be going through this than watching him go through something he couldn't bear. So, that's what I believe.

I haven't been able to step foot into church, either.  Talking to God is hard.  Not sure why, either.  I can ask for help for others, but rarely for myself.  Not sure why.  Maybe I'm just not ready yet. 

The grief, for me, never leaves.  Everyone is different.  His birthday was hard.  His best friend's passing (the only person in this world who truly knew what I was going through) was hard.  My mother's one year was tough.  But this one...he became ill at about 11:35 p.m on the 12th of August 2015 and was gone by 12:23 a.m. August 13, 2015.  He had an abdominal aortic aneurism  brought on by his new chemo drug.  He had just been diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer.  he was weak from the chemo, but no sickness, no pain, no trouble breathing, the nodules were still so small they didn't bother measuring them.   It's now 1:30 a.m. 

You will make it through the one year.  Just hang on.  I don't know why we were left behind, other than our work here is not yet done.  There's still one more life to touch.  One more soul to make smile.  One more person to bring a unique understanding to.  I've never been so alone, but I think that speaks for all of us.  Anyway...hang on.  And know, you're not alone. 

Permalink Reply by Elynn m on August 13, 2016 at 2:23am

To copper "Charlie"....  You are right...God doesn't give us more than we can handle.   You, and ruthie, (and everyone else in this group) have an inner strength that God alone can use.   We may not see it yet, because of the grief.   But there is hope for us.   Don't be afraid to ask God for your needs.   He is waiting with open arms.  If u can ask for others, realize that you are just as important as the ones you pray for.   He is using you to bless others through your prayers.  He is waiting to help, we just need to ask Him.   Jesus said, "You have not, because you ask not".  

    Will be praying for you.

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on September 12, 2016 at 9:15am

Thanks Elynn for praying for me.  I am still angry at God right now, but only God could have made such a beautiful Kevin with a beautiful heart that I was lucky to raise our 27 year old daughter with.

Thanks Charlie for encouraging words.  I know there is one more life to touched.  But right now I am angry and I want Fred to tell the truth. Why do I expect people to do the right thing all the time--I am always disappointed.  I miss my jolly husband and hate the pain it has caused our daughter--she thinks she is cursed as her dad's father was evil (not exaggerating) and finding out bad things about that line of anchestry. It says in the bible you will be punished for 4 generations down--sometimes I wonder if that is true as she has had such a difficult life, but people say that was the new testament before Jesus came--but God still had said it.  Kevin had a pure heart as our daughter does.

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on September 28, 2016 at 3:26pm

God is slowly entering into my life again--thanks to a great Christian consuler , Mr. Kistler, in Perrysburg, Ohio.  I think it helps if they have been through great loss also-they can relate and share their stories.