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Permalink Reply by Jan on November 26, 2016 at 9:42am

No you're not.  I am still searching for the right counselor and tried all types of meds and nothing helped.  They even wanted to try me on some kind of brain stimulation thing (TM??) but my insurance didn't cover it.  I found that when I was on pain medication for an injury, I actually felt better - this all consuming pain and weight was lifted off my chest for a little while.  It came back as soon as the meds wore off.  Asked the doctor if there was a medication out there that zoned in on the same part of the brain that the pain meds did but was told no.  I was also told that some countries use pain meds as part of their depression medication therapy.  Not here though.  They'll put you on other things that can become "addictive" but not something that really helps.  I wish I could drink but my stomach can't take it.  I'm wondering if there's some kind of depression study to get into that might actually help.  Pot is legal now in FL - wonder if it's considered a treatment for what we're going through or if it's been tried? Can't wait for the holidays to be over because they just make you realize how much you're alone.  I'm alone when I'm around other people and can't wait to get away so I can take the plaster off my face.  What is the sense in having these things out there that have helpful affects on patients if they won't use them to help because of the addictive issues?  Isn't that part of the doctor's job to monitor that?  I feel for you Linda because I'm in the same boat.  Thank you for sharing.  It helps knowing others know your pain, but it sucks that someone else is feeling as awful as you do.  Make sense?  God Bless you and know that I'm thinking about you.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on November 26, 2016 at 9:58am

My first Thanksgiving without John.  Next month will be a year since he died.  I drank an entire bottle of Champagne and a few glasses of wine.  Thing is, I'm not supposed to drink   I have Autoimmune Hepatitis.  I don't care.  If it brings me some peace, some few hours without crying I'm all for it.  If it kills me, then hopefully, if there is an afterlife, I will be with John.  He was my world.  He would want me to take care of myself but what for?  You are not alone. 

Permalink Reply by CJ Moore on November 26, 2016 at 10:01am

You are not alone, just the 'drug' of choice. I eat to ease the pain, but it doesn't ease it at all. It keeps my mind occupied for a little while, but then the guilt sets in. After enduring the second Thanksgiving without my husband (he died 11/15/15), I have decided that looking for a volunteer opportunity for Christmas would be a better choice than celebrating with family. May we all find something a little healthier that helps!

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on November 26, 2016 at 11:20am

I lost John two days after Christmas...last year.  It's tough.  Just when I think I'm getting a bit better a song will come on the TV or radio....something will bring precious moments back to me.  John would  want me to go on and to go on WELL.  My date for pulling myself out of this morass is Dec. 27th....no, Dec. 28th.  .  Until then, he is always by my side.  One good thing....so many people never have the love that so many of us did. 

Permalink Reply by April on November 26, 2016 at 3:07pm

No you are not. I lost my husband right before the holidays last year. I dont even remember the holidays last year. i think I was in shock. This year I didnt even want to get out of bed on Thanksgiving. I did because my kids who are 19 & 18 made me get up and go to my moms. I drank way to much that day. It was so hard this year. I often use alcohol to get through hard days. It also helps me sleep. With the holidays here, I have also found myself drinking more just to get through. I wish I had a solution for you, but I dont. Just know you are not the only one. I am sorry so for your loss.

Permalink Reply by Fran on November 26, 2016 at 5:04pm

I find that alcohol just makes me more depressed. Makes sense since alcohol is a depressant. I only allow myself one drink unless I want to have a good cry.

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on December 11, 2016 at 11:33am

Alcohol is my new best friend, she helps numb the pain a little. Yeah I have a good cry while I'm outside drinking and listening to "My heart will go on" (On repeat) and thinking about my beautiful wife. There's no way I could deal with this life without it. I was so ignorant to the people who would take their own lives without knowing why but losing my beautiful wife has really opened my eyes. I personally would never do it because I feel my beautiful wife's spirit telling me to be strong and I need to be here for our kids and grandkids. Do what you gotta do to cope without hurting yourself. We will be with our loved ones in due time.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on December 11, 2016 at 12:29pm

I know.  Alcohol is poison to me.  Therefore I started drinking when I came home from the emergency room when John died..  I wanted to be with him.  I stopped but there are times when I would like to have a drink or 100 and join my husband.  I don't know why I stopped, maybe for the kids and grand children....maybe because John wouldn't want this for me.  I do know a couple of things, there are no words for his loss.  There are no words for how much I miss him.  There are no words for how much we loved each other.  Sixteen days and it will be one year since he left me.  I have no idea how I have got this far.

Permalink Reply by Patti on December 19, 2016 at 8:39am

I've tried therapy, groups and all the meds. I've found alcohol helps if even if it is short lived.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on December 19, 2016 at 9:13am

Nothing really helps does it~!  The memories while beautiful, torture me.  I'll never have those memories again.  There are no words for the hurt and emptiness we all feel.  I know if HE could, he would come back to me.  He died two days after Christmas.  Sleeping pills, anti-anxiety pills, neither work for me.  I just want him back.  I hope there is a God, I hope their is an "other side" so he and I will be together again.

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 19, 2016 at 10:27am

Hi Patti,

It is short lived, but at least we can make it through the day, as nobody knows the pain we are enduring.

Blessings, Linda

Permalink Reply by Alison J on December 19, 2016 at 10:04am

I totally get it.  This is my first Christmas and New Year's Eve without my beautiful, beloved husband, and it's brutal.  I can fake being "happy", but I'm just waiting to leave the social events and go into my room and cry.  I do understand that lots of folks have trouble with the holidays and how "merry" we're all supposed to be.  I lost my husband in February 2016 I've lived through our anniversary, my birthday, his birthday and Thanksgiving.  I have to give myself credit for being a survivor right now.  I hope you can do the same. God bless try to take care of yourself.  We all self-medicate in one form or another at certain points in our lives, so don't beat yourself up. Talk to a doctor or a counselor if you think you need help.  

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