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Comment by Laurie Laing on October 19, 2020 at 8:26am

I miss her so much it feels like a giant hole has been ripped through me.I have her ashes here and talk to her all the time but i really still cant believe she is gone.The pain is so unbeareable at times.I also take car of my mother who has dementia and i feel so angry that she is still here and Emm is gone WTF how is thta possible...also my Dad died when he was 31 how is that.....I have been greiving my whole life for him now I grieve for my daughter too... If there is a god he is a pretty horrible one.

Comment by Monique Tolle on October 17, 2020 at 4:28pm

It is such a horrible thing to experience losing a child. No one can grasp what it's like unless they too have suffered this misfortune. It isn't right that my daughter left before even any of her grandparents did. But, I know she had problems. She struggled since she hit puberty. She tried and did overcome difficult obstacles. She was creative, smart, so cute, funny. I am so thankful for every single blanket and scarf she made us. Each is more precious to me than gold now. We did have those good talks the last few years. She did get to know her big brother by moving to where he lived. She did get to finally fall in love with the right boy. I am tremendously grateful to our Lord for the last few years. She could have been gone back then and it would have been under bad circumstances. We prayed and almost gave up, but the Lord did have pity on us and gave her more time. I wanted it to be more. I miss her so so much. I can not be mad at God because I ask him to take care of her in heaven now. I can not be mad at him because we did get a little more time with her. She must have needed to be released and have peace more than any if us could have comprehended. I can not change any of it. I'll never be able to watch our home videos, but I'll see her as soon as this ride is over. I am heartbroken, but so are a lot of other people.

Comment by Laurie Laing on October 17, 2020 at 12:50pm

I miss her so much it feels like a giant hole has been ripped through me.I have her ashes here and talk to her all the time but i really still cant believe she is gone.The pain is so unbeareable at times.I also take car of my mother who has dementia and i feel so angry that she is still here and Emm is gone WTF how is thta possible...also my Dad died when he was 31 how is that.....I have been greiving my whole life for him now I grieve for my daughter too... If there is a god he is a pretty horrible one.

Comment by Dave on January 22, 2017 at 1:23am

My youngest son was murdered on august 28th 2016. My oldest & middle son were both arrested for his murder. Its a long story. Due to an active investigation I am unable to go into details. It has been a roller coaster ride ever since.
I miss my son EVERY DAY. There have been a few blessings. But, mostly depression and a strong desire to be drunk...
I never imagined I'd have to face something like this.
I dont FEEL strong. My friends keep reminding me of my "strength". They also remind me that I still have a purpose here...

Comment by Ammy on December 16, 2011 at 2:25pm

I don't know if this will give anyone comfort, but felt the urge to post it.....

Comment by Gyla Lynn Darden on August 19, 2011 at 9:56am

Hi Ann and to all others here,

I am so sorry to everyone that I have not been on here.  We have been suffering terrible financial problems since Brittainy's death as we are still paying for her funeral and trying to get a headstone put on her grave.  I haven't worked since she was put in the hospital, and that has been well over a year ago. 

Her year birthday (I call it that, because now she has a new life somewhere else) was on July 23.  I handled it about like expected, I tried not to think about it or talk about it.  I did go and visit her grave.  I am so upset because people keep stealing things that I put on her grave.  That is one despicable person or persons that can do something like that.

I the past several months I have been learning that I need to appreciate the small things that we all take for granted in life.  I have a hummingbird feeder outside my window next to the computer.  I seem to sit and watch them fly up and feed almost all day long.  I realize that waking up everyday is a Blessing, that I am here one more day to enjoy the family that I have left, and I try to honor Brittainy in some way or another everyday. 

I welcome everyone that is new to this blog, and please realize that all the feelings that you are going through, though very painful and confusing, are normal.  I will tell you that it will eventually get easier.  I was a total mess especially the entire first year, but since that year has passed I have seemed to feel a peace come over me.  That is not to say that I still don't have bad days, that is always to be expected.  I just don't have as many.  I want to send much love to everyone, and many Blessings.  I pray for all of you that God will bring peace over you, and that your heart will be filled with joy instead of sadness.  The wonderful part is knowing that we will all see each other again.  I am going to suggest a book for everyone to read. It is called "Heaven is for real" by Todd Burpo.  My dad bought it for me and it has changed my life in many ways.  I guarantee if you read it, it will bring you the most extraordinary peace and joy that you have never experienced before. 

I love you all very much.  Please take care of yourselves.  I hope to hear from you all soon.  Gyla

Comment by Ammy on July 27, 2011 at 3:34pm

Melissa, I'm sorry you were in such a sad place when you wrote your comment here.  I haven't been checking this page as often as it seems our dear Gyla has disappeared, but I'm praying for her that she is doing okay and will be back soon.

I didn't know about your daughter and all that she had been through until I read your post.  I can feel what you were feeling when you wrote, 'for I know that she is no longer in pain,no more sadness. I know this is my pain, my anger, my cross to bear'.  I live with those thoughts many days.  Your loss is so new and it is so bad in the beginning.  I remember those early months and all I can tell you is to expect it and let yourself feel whatever you need to feel.  It's the only way to start being able to begin taking those baby steps toward some healing.  It doesn't go away, but it will ease up to where it's not a 24/7 thing.  I'm sorry is all I can say because nothing said can really help when you're feeling that pain.  Just know you are loved and cared about.  Hugs, Ann 

Comment by Melissa Szuch on July 17, 2011 at 8:29am

I found my sweet precious Sarah on June 14th, she and I were very close. Sarah is a long haul trick driver and rolled her semi 12/16.07.  She suffeered from a  TBI, leg drop, had a small stroke.  She went from a healthy 23 year old to the mentality of a teeneager, walked with a walker.  The years following were spent in rehab facilitys, pt,st,vt,ct.  You name it we did it every day there was a doctors appointment of some kind. Sarah suffered with major depression, who wouldnt after so many losses. In October of last year Sarah was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.  That is what took my baby out of this world at 27.

I have lost my mother and father however this is so much differant, I cannot stop the tears when they come, my soul grieves. I was once such a prayer warrior, I prayed about everything now I just sit and ask God to take away the pain.  I know she is in Heaven seated at the right side of God, that brings only limited comfort, for I know that she is no longer in pain,no more sadness. I know this is my pain, my anger, my cross to bear, I am just looking for the light at the tunnel.  I want peace and joy restored to my life. Where do you go from here? 

Comment by Ammy on June 16, 2011 at 6:35pm

We had Charles' birthday get together on Tuesday.  I think I did the same thing as I did in the beginning.  Went through the motions without really being present.  We did do a balloon release, but what I really wanted to do was scream at everyone to just go.  I understand they felt as if they needed to do something to 'honor' him, but I just kept thinking, "you should have honored him when he was here".   Now, I'm dreading the thoughts of next month.  Don't know if I can do this again. I have felt completely wiped out these past three days.

Has anyone else dealt with this?  How do you manage? 

Gyla, where are you?  I thought I left a comment here for you a few days ago, but I probably forgot to hit the add comment button.  I need to hear from you.  I'm worried about you.

Sandra, you have been in my thoughts and prayers too.  I hope you are managing.  Don't feel as though that is the right word to use, but I hope you know what I mean.  Lately I'm not thinking real straight.

Peggy, where are you commenting (if anywhere)?  I know we stay in touch, but what's happening here?

I don't see any connections on here.  I'm sorry I haven't been around more, but each of you are always in my prayers.  This is just not normal, and I don't think our lives will ever be as they were.  We will have a new normal to our lives and we will adjust with the help of our heavenly Father and with others like us.  Hope to hear from someone.

Be blessed, and remember you are loved.

Comment by Gyla Lynn Darden on June 1, 2011 at 7:17am

Wow,

  what can I say to everyone, Ann, I do the same thing.  Try to distract myself with anything and everything possible.  That is why i think I go through spells where I feel Ok for a little bit, then once again, it hits me like a brick wall. 

By the way I am sorry I missed your call.  If you would call me again.  My husband lost your number (typical). 

Lately, it seems like my house has been turned upside down.  My husband is grumpy and angry all the time, I am always to myself, or can't stand being by myself (can't ever make up my mind).  I go from crying to laughing in a second (don't know why) from being mad as hell, to being happy.  I feel like I am in one of those awful horror movies, that nobody escapes alive. 

I think this is all natural, but is it really??? I feel like I have so much faith, and yet not enough.  It is almost a year for both of us Ann. We will make it through.  I guess we have to do it the best way we can.  If that means that we have to cry, act crazy, go insane, etc.  That's what we have to do.  That's what feels right and natural to us at this moment.  I love all of you.  Many prayers and Blessings. Gyla

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