Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Diane Grell on July 8, 2011 at 8:58am

Good Morning Michael

 

Welcome to the group and I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

This certainly opened my eyes, I myself take class a narcotics for chronic pain. Sometimes, because of the pain, I reach for the bottle of pills and don't realize, that although they do take away the pain, I am pumping poison into my system. And they didn't directly link my kidney failure into taking them, I suspect it was an underlying cause.

 

What kind of pills was your wife taking?

 

Diane

Permalink Reply by MIchael A Ballard on July 18, 2011 at 3:22pm

Diane,

My wife was taking hydrocordone, and sedatives from a psychiatrist.  Also there was high-blood pressure script along with Sugar Diabetes Type II pill.

The last thing that did her in was the Cough Suppressant with codeine.  

I have a attorney, but he can't let me see the autopsy results at this time.  

My belief is the two narcotics, hydrocordone and codeine did her in.  Her overall bad health and daily bad habits

worked against her also.

She would take some of her daily dosages after midnight, meaning, she would include her dosages in the

sleeping hours, not just the normal daytime and evening hours.  Like I said, bad daily habits, among some 

other thing with excessive cigarette smoking and over-eating.

Don't want you to worry, just follow your scripts and don't over-indulge.

Take care,

Michael

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on July 18, 2011 at 11:40am

Hello Michael, 

 

My sister had a problem with RX drugs. After she passed away and before we received the autopsy results, we believed that her death had been due to drug toxicity as well. It took a few weeks to get the autopsy results back that let us know it was her heart that had given out due to an undiagnosed heart condition. We were cleaning out her car and found a bag full of RX drugs, all prescribed by 4 different Dr's. It was heart wrenching. So while the result wasn't drug toxicity, I can't imagine that all the medication she was taking didn't speed up the process of her heart giving out. The last time I was there to visit with her, she was on so many drugs that she would sit and stare with her mouth gaping open. She wasn't herself at all. After witnessing it first hand I decided to give her tough love from affair and begged her to get help for her addiction. She cut off all ties with me in January of 2010, and she passed away in July of 2010. 

 

I am sorry that was a long winded response just to tell you that, while I don't know what it is like to lose a partner/significant other, I know the pain of watching the addiction. I hope that peace and love can find your heart in this time of sorrow.

 

Stephanie

Permalink Reply by MIchael A Ballard on July 18, 2011 at 3:26pm

Thank you for the kind words Stephanie.

Very sorry for your loss also.

My wife was getting at the end of her rope.  And she wasn't doing much to help her chances.

I sometimes think there may have been a heart thing with her.  There were lots of nights that I couldn't sleep

because of the way she was breathing.

Was always concerned of a heart-respiratory related issue.  But the Doctors always said she checked out

fine.

You mentioned your sister sitting with her mouth open.  My wife would do that also.  

It is a struggle and so punishing trying to keep them alive, but the best thing to do is know that you

did all that you could.

It's great to have friends on this site, and you are my newest friend.
Have a very nice day,

Michael 

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on July 18, 2011 at 3:59pm

That sounds very much like my sister's situation, she was a single mom, working and going to school. She could never find love in a significant other and always ended up with men that would abuse her. She got to the end of her rope as well. She had had lung problems for a long time, just generally her health was never very good. There is an investigation with the Dr's and psychiatrist she was seeing, as well as a pain management specialist that kept throwing new stuff at her instead of getting her into physical therapy for a neck issue. It was just hard to see, and I can imagine for you too, watching someone you love so much spiral out of control but they don't think they have a problem because a Dr is giving them this medication.

 

I am happy to have you as a friend Michael :)

 

Stephanie

Permalink Reply by MIchael A Ballard on July 18, 2011 at 7:29pm

When I saw that confronting her about her meds were only making things worse, I would tell

her how much she was scaring me.  And she would tell me that nothing is going to happen to

her, it is me that she is worried about.  So, I guess she had some conscience, but other times 

she would get defensive and ask me, "Are you a doctor?"  

It was a lose-lose situation.  I would call the Psychiatrist at times and found out that Jami (my wife)

lied to the Shrink, that she had stopped taking pain-killers, when she never really stopped taking them.

I still struggle with things, even with her gone, and now her hospital and many medical bills show

up in the mail.

There are more trials to conquer even after they leave us.

I miss our family meals at home.  The last 2 1/2 months she was cooking these magnificent restaurant style meals.  I wonder if she knew something was going to happen.

After she passed, I had my 7 year old boy (my blood child) and his 14 yr old step sister.

My crazy motherinlaw took little Jaci (14yr old) after she got POA from Jaci;s blood dad.

Now, what normal grandparent would seperate her two grandchildren from the surviving parent.

It's been very difficult to see my boy suffer, losing his mommy, then his step-sister.

About 2 weeks before my wifes last day with us she visited both my mothers grave, and then her sisters grave, all in the same day.  That bothers me.  Her psyche said she probably didn't mean to leave us

because she loved us so much.  (The nerve of some people!)

I don't know how to respond to that and probably never will!  

Hope to talk soon and if you ever want to call and talk its; 402-391-3669.

Peace and Love,

Michael

Permalink Reply by MIchael A Ballard on July 18, 2011 at 7:46pm

I have decided to celebrate my wife's life a little more every day.  

The grieving does still comes and goes in the 4th month, but I combat it with celebrating her life.

When the grief tries to take over, I let the grief know out loud that I don't appreciate this feeling, and my

deceased wife doesn't either, because she would not want me to feel down and sad like this.

I have found that a combination of expressing love, whether to your family,friends, or your lost loved one, celebrating your

lost loved ones life, and standing your ground against grief, will make your days a lot brighter and easier.

I guess like the candy bar, make your like "fluffy, not stuffy!"

Have a very nice day because you all deserve it!

Peace and Love to all,

Michael

Permalink Reply by Ronna Doescher on August 23, 2011 at 3:27pm

MB:

 

I am going through this right now.  I lost my beloved 17 days ago to an accidental overdose.  I know what you mean about the trips to the pharmacy.  Except in my situation, he was abusing meds.  3 days prior to his death, his dr confronted him about, then turned around and increased his dosage and added new ones.  He basically died of drug toxicity due to over prescribed meds.

 

You are probably angry.  It is okay to be angry.  I was given the suggestion of writing a journal every day for at least minutes until you don't need it.  Write down thoughts, feelings, every thing you want to say to express.  This will give you a good idea of the memories that you share and will help you to express those you don;t.  Read and/or share it after a year to see how far you've come.

 

I started mine yesterday.  I am angry that he did not think of me when he was taking meds.  I an angry that he thought he had to take more than was prescribed.  And I am angry that I found him the way I did.  I miss him terribly and wish he was with me.  There are times I want to join him.  By writing, I can get this out with acting on it.  I know it's a long process, but I also know he would be upset at how much I am grieving for him.  He probably apologizing to me for the way I found him.  But I know this, I still have all the loving memories of him and will keep those very sactrd/