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Comment by Mary M. on July 6, 2012 at 11:02pm

Debbie, its been a little over 3 months for me .. and I will admit I have had a few good days when I didn't cry, made it out of the house and in public without falling apart .. but most are few and far between.  Have been listening to some GriefShare tapes today and while they made me realize I wasn't totally crazy, that what I was feeling and doing was normal, they brought he tears in full force.  The tapes are a resource for a grief support group which I was able to borrow now even though the group is starting in the fall.   If you get a chance it might be something that would help you too.  Thoughts and prayers for you tonight.  

Comment by Debbie S on July 6, 2012 at 10:05pm

Kim & Joni I to can relate to both of you. Tomorrow will be 4 months for me, but it still feels like yesterday! I've cried everyday since my husband passed away. Weds are still the hardest for me thats the day he left me. I do have anappt Monday with a counselor. The hard part will be getting there. I don't want to leave my house. I know I have to have help. I pray will all find peace soon. Hugs, Debbie

Comment by joni on July 6, 2012 at 8:03pm

@ Dennis ...thoughts and prayers are with you

@ Kim .. I can relate to those feelings, it's ok we're supposed to cry and feel pain , it is part of the healing process and yes it sucks and hurts! My husband died in December so I'm at 7 months. Didn't think I'd make it this far....but we do. There were days it physically hurt to breathe from sobbing so much, it gets better.
It has helped me to attend hospice grief support ...also
journaling..church , friends and family. Hugs and prayers, Joni

Comment by Kim Phillips on July 6, 2012 at 6:30pm

It has been a little less than two months and the pain is getting worse.  I had a reprieve for about three days (for some reason) but now the sorrow and agony and longing and depression is getting worse.  She was the one I didy everything with.  At times I wish I was with her but I made her a promise that I would stay alive to watch over and take care of her son.  I think I cry 80% of the day.  Didn't know I could have that many tears. 

Comment by Dennis C. on July 6, 2012 at 4:44pm

It is very hard to watch your loved one suffer. The surgeries and the treatments (chemo etc) are agonizing. This time around we actually had a discussion about which way would be the way to die. From the treatments that rob you of every dignity. Or the cancer.

The treatments offer hope I guess. Although last time she almost died from the treatments. The disease isn't any kinder but at least she would have some quality time to enjoy her kids and grand kids.

The doctor says we can't do surgery because there is no longer a way in through the abdomin. They are going to do a cryo-ablation
And then chemo.

Sheesh.

Anyway I love this scripture that helps me get through.

Isaiah 33:24 and no resident will say "I am sick". Wouldn't that be wonderful.

Comment by Mary M. on July 5, 2012 at 2:36pm

Hi Jamie, I am sorry you had to go through your parents deaths alone. My heartfelt sympathy to you. There are a lot of great people on here always ready and willing to offer encouragement and support. I think we have all felt just like you at times, some of us still do. I know that all the encouragement and support I have received here has helped me tremendously. Each of us grieves in our own way and in our own time, there are no hard and fast rules. Best advice is to just try to take one day at time. Some days are definitely better than others, for me now anyway. You are so young still to have lost both parents I can understand totally your feeling of being lost. Are you working? in school? Do you have other family that might be supportive? Sorry not trying to pry. Maybe you could check with the minister/pastor of your church to find out if there are grief support groups in your area. Sometimes if you contact a hospice they have grief counselling available that is open to everybody in the community, at least here they do. If you just want to talk, I am sure if you send a message to any of the people on here they would be happy to chat with you and offer support as you work through the stages of grief and are able to feel more certain of where you want to go from here. Hugs to you and prayers.

Comment by Jamie Maggiacomo on July 5, 2012 at 12:18pm

Hi everyone.  I am 27.  I lost my dad in 2009 and my mom to cancer last year.  I had to watch both of my parents die terrible deaths.  I feel like my whole life is a mess and really feel lost.  Just looking for people for support and encouragement.

Comment by Mary M. on July 4, 2012 at 10:57pm

Still thinking of you and praying Debbie that you will get that peace you want and so deserve.  Take care!

Comment by Debbie S on July 4, 2012 at 7:37pm

We didn't have hospice. He was not suppose to die. He was doing great from his cancer. Jan 30th he got a clean PET scan and they told him he would be dancing at my daughter's wedding. The connor told me he had a heartattack. He was just 51. He had 3 kids from another marriage and I had 2. I went to the office on March 6 after he assured me he would be ok. He had a chest cold. On that Wed when I didn't hear from him I knew something was very wrong. I was 2 hours from home but made it home in 1.5 hours. I found him in our bed. His kids live in NY and didn't come down till Sat. My daughter lives in WV and was here early Thurs. I had to take care of everything by myself. Its all just a blur. We all knew he wanted to be cremated which they didn't do until the following Monday. His kids were told they could go see him but they didn't so of course they are blaming that on me too.They didn't offer to help with anything but boy they have no problems causing problems and asking for things of his. I just want peace.

Comment by Mary M. on July 4, 2012 at 6:53pm

Debbie, my kids are gown too in their 30's, but they did visit my husband often in the hospital and at the hospice.  My son was upset initially that he did not see my husband before his body was taken for cremation, where my daughter had insisted she be called if there were any changes in his condition.  My daughter called her grown daughter to come with her to say goodbye in the last hours of my husband's life.  I had been there all night so they joined me and I honestly didn't really think about calling my son even after my husband passed, I was crying so hard, and in such a state, I was barely coherent apparently.  My daughter and sister basically made the arrangements for the body to be picked up by funeral home and cremated.  I agreed to what they said.  As I said my son was upset until he met us all at the funeral home to decide on an urn for the ashes, I think when he saw how upset I was, he understood why I had not called.  He has been very supportive since then, and I count myself lucky that neither of them expected anything.  Both said that everything was mine to do with as I wanted.   Thinking of you and hoping your tongue is still in one piece!  {{Hugs}}

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