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Comment by mercy on September 1, 2012 at 1:31pm

Its been a while since I last posted, I really don't get access to a computer as much as I would like. When I'm home, forget it, my two year old will not let me have it to myself. I still have a hole in my heart, I'm still very depressed about the loss of mom and my dear brother. I struggle daily to find meaning in this life. The only thing that has changed is that I now feel an obligation to be around to raise my daughter. Giving up would have been the easy way out but I know its not what mom would want for me. I just read those last few posts about finding out one has cancer, and if not telling someone is better than telling them or if treatment is a better option or not. In some cases, especially where there is hope for for a good outcome with treatment then maybe this should be an option. In my moms case, her health was already compromised because of a long battle with high blood pressure and other health conditions. I feel that chemo and radiation put her in so much misery and the year that it extended her life was very painful emotionally for all who loved her. Without treatment, we think she would have lived fairly symptom free and healthy for a couple of years. I think treatment made her health worse. Hindsight is 20/20, when we were told she had cancer, we were all up in arms figuring out how to get her the best treatment. Even with the best treatment, the outcome was horrible. I still struggle every single day wishing we had approached treatment differently; I feel like I caused her death and will never be at peace or happy until I can see my wonderful mom again. 

Comment by Brenda Ann on September 1, 2012 at 10:16am

A long time family friend was found deceased in the woods surrounding the park where he went to play basketball.  The circumstances and the scene leave nothing but questions. He was only in his early 30's and was loved by many.  The tragedy is that he felt that he had no friends.  No matter if it was murder, suicide or a terrible accident, it is a horrible loss.  I hurt so bad for his family.  I know that they are now starting this terrible grief journey where only God can help them.  I and his family look forward to the promises found in the Holy Scriptures.

(John 5:28, 29) . . .Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice 29 and come out. . .

See you soon my young friend. . .

Brenda

mawmaw1591@gmail.com

Comment by Jayne on August 24, 2012 at 10:33pm

another day has gone by and the pain is still there. some peopl say to move on which is very hard to do. my mom meant so much to me. this online site is helping me relate to others who share the pain. thank you all for being so supportive!

Comment by anna l. on August 22, 2012 at 11:59pm

The two months last year from when Tom got sick to his death were horrible torture beyond words.  His pain was never really under control and for a man that cut his knee open with a powersaw one day and was back on the fireline the next morning with 30 stitches inside and out, that is saying something!  When he said it was a 8 it was probably a 20 for me.  Anyway, what I was going to say was, it happened so fast we never had a chance to catch our breath between one crisis and the next.  I was soooo angry with the doctors for missing the melanoma spreading.  However now I know without a doubt it was such a tremendous gift to both Tom and all who loved him.  For the 3 years from when the mole was removed until he was sick again we lived.  We didnt survive from one treatment to the next.  We didnt wile away those precious days in hospital waiting rooms.  He wasnt cut apart, poisoned with Chemo, burned with radiation.  He worked, he played, he love, he LIVED!  And then he got sick and died.  Melanoma is not curable after it spreads.  The average time from finding it has spread past the lymph nodes is 2-4 years.  Our doctor confirmed that even if they had found cancer cells in his groin lymph nodes in 2008 and treated him aggressively he probably still would have been gone by last summer.  So what a blessing not knowing turned out to be for us.  Tom was tortured in mind and body for 2 months, not 2 years.  Now, a year later I can and do thank God every day for those 3 years of not knowing.

Comment by Angel on August 22, 2012 at 9:11am

I've been following but not writing...because I know we all feel the same..my husband died 18 months ago from lung cancer that metastised to his ribs, the muscles all surrounding them and his spine...so his death was long and painful..I sit now and know he fought so hard because he was only 51 when dx and  didn't want to leave me...I know he wanted to die for a long time because of the pain...in hindsight ...had he told me that he didn't want any treatment and was going to just let the inevitable happen...I would have lived the rest of his life with him just as I did...the Chemo and radiation destroyed his body.....and created so many other problems...God bless all...it's a horrible desease for the patient and for anyone who loves them and has to watch....Angel

Comment by Jan Duvenage on August 22, 2012 at 1:43am

It has been a while since i last posted here, but to add to what Ann said, yes i think the japanese has the correct idea by not informing patients they have final stage cancer. My wife was told she had pancreatic cancer and that she has six months left to live, we as a family was devestated and came to terms with it and my wife had to accept the inevitable, 11 months later after enquiring about experimental treatment, her doctor and specialist was surprised to hear she was still alive, we had to go in for a consultation and was then informed that there was a serious problem, the biopsies and tests done nearly a year ago was all negative and there was no cancer, needless to say my wife was livid, she was so angry at the hospital and the doctors we started legal proceedings against the parties involved. My wife was in a state as she said "You prepare to die, you get all your ducks in row and make sure that you make your peace with everyone around you" she phoned people she had last spoken to over 20 years ago to say final farewells and now this. She used to say it would have been better dying as she was so prepared for it now she has to get ready to live again, the specialists and doctors never took more biposies and explained the pain she was having as nerve damage due to the laparoscopy she had and the stent(was put in due to blocked bile ducts)that was put in place. 13 months later , 2 years after she was diagnosed originaly she passed away on the 19th of April 20 from pancreatic cancer. She had to relive the horror twice, only 3 weeks before she passed away a new doctor had the decency of telling her it has been cancer all along just not as aggresive as was suspected. She could have had 2 years of reasonable carefree living without worrying about Damocles sword hanging over her, instead she and we her family was living with the fear of losing her at any moment during that 2 years. No one can predict when you will die, only God knows the time and the place.
Thank you for a wonderfull place and a group such as this as it has really helped me come to terms with the loss of my Margi.

Comment by Ann on August 21, 2012 at 1:23am

In Japan, it was common practice not to tell a patient that they had advanced cancer.  It was thought that they were able to better live their lives without that hanging over them.  I'm not so sure they were wrong.  I think that until cancer can be controlled, I don't see why we should be tortured with the knowledge that we are going to die and our only options are treatments that ravage the body and soul.

Comment by Jayne on August 20, 2012 at 11:23pm

Desiree , my thoughts and prayers are with you too and your children. how awful they lost their dad.

Comment by Desiree M on August 20, 2012 at 9:39pm

Jayne I lost my husband to Pancreatic Cancer June 18th, there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss him. I feel like you, why can't they find out sooner. I experience so many emotions anger, sadness, loneliness, helplessness but everyday I know his life was not in vain, he left me with two beautiful children and I am grateful for that. My prayers are with you and all that have to deal with this horrible disease.

Comment by Jayne on August 20, 2012 at 9:28pm

thank you for your support

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