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Comment by anna l. on September 12, 2012 at 11:23am

Im sorry for the added pain people in our personal lives cause by expecting things from us that we just cant give them.  I guess it happens to us all.  Im still alive 14 months after my husband died.  That in itself should be proof Im doing the best I can because for a very long time I didnt believe I would be, nor did I want to yet when I do have a bad day I get the comments and looks.  Really?  Walk a day in my shoes, try to sleep a night in my nightmares and see how well you manage is what I'd like to say to them!  I know Im better emotionally than I was a year ago.  I hope I can say that every year but I will not let it get me down even more if it takes that long.  I loved only one man in my whole 55 years.  He was a good man and I accept my tears as testiment to him and that love.

Comment by Kim Phillips on September 12, 2012 at 10:22am

Brenda Ann thank you for understanding.

Hugs and blessings

Comment by Kim Phillips on September 12, 2012 at 10:21am

Debbie,

I understand your struggle.  It has only been 4 months for me and my friends and family say the same think.  They are only trying to help because they love me and don't want to see me in this kind of pain.  I had to tell them that this is my journey of grief and when I am ready  then and only then will I be able to more forward slightly.  At this point days don't get easier for me.  Each  day at this time gets harder and harder.  I remember the day before she died she put her hand on my face and said "I am dying, what are you going to do?"  I started to cry and said "I don't know".  She said "we will talk about it later"  there never was a later.  Every day since she has passed I keep asking her to tell me what to do.  Well it finally came to me.  She had asked me to watch over her son and she had told me many times to "Live fully, laugh often and love deeply"  That is what she wanted me to do!  I try to do that for her but it is sooooo hard.  But I believe that our loved ones would want us to do that.  I don't understand why she is gone.  Why it was her time.  I keep going over and over in my head all the plans we had for the future.  I keep going over how much she loved people and life.  How hard she fought even up until she took her last breath to LIVE!  I miss her every day.  I cry every day!  I scream and yell and cry at G-D.  I scream and yell and cry at CANCER!  I scream and yell and cry at her for leaving me and her son and her grandson and the rest of her family and friends (although I know it wasn't her fault).  My life has stopped.  I don't know who I am any more.  I don't know what to do without her.  Every time the phone rings I think it is her.  Every where I go reminds me of her.  Everything in my house reminds me of her.  When I go to her house to she her son, it is so empty without her.  When I look at all the things we acquired together I think of her.   Our lives were build around each other and I am confused and lost and lonely and heart broken beyond words.  But I try so hard to remember what she told me "Live fully, laugh often and love deeply"  Debbie I can't tell you the pain will get better b/c this is the first time I have lost someone who I LOVED so deeply and unconditionally.  I don't believe that I will ever fully recover from this but I do hope that the pain over time will ease up.  I was journaling every day.  Writing to her.  Telling her about my day, what was going on in the world, plus my feelings (anger, saddness, etc)  I don't know if it helped or not.  Every day, I beg for her to send me a sign that she is ok and I feel, hear, see nothing.  The very core of my faith has been shaken but that is another whole issue.   Debbie, don't let others dictate your journey of grief.  You are the captain of your journey!!!!

 

Hugs, Peace and blessings

Comment by Brenda Ann on September 12, 2012 at 6:07am

Debbie S,

Grief is a journey not a destination. No human "gets over" a loved ones death by flipping a switch. It is not like that. No one that says that to you could have ever lost someone close to them. There are no rules and you are unique and you travel your own road. It is very important to talk and if you don't feel you can talk to one of us here on our support group then get a journal and start writing. If you accept my friend request or email me I will send you a private message with my phone number if you want to talk in person(so to speak). Otherwise I am listening - talk away . . .  

Brenda

mawmaw1591@gmail.com

Comment by Brenda Ann on September 12, 2012 at 5:46am

Kim, I will be here when you are ready. I am 61 and disabled - I have spent many years in Bible study and have found the Bible's promises the only "true" comfort. I want to share this with you when you are ready. . .  I will be waiting.

Brenda

mawmaw1591@gmail.com

Comment by Debbie S on September 12, 2012 at 3:34am

Have not been here in awhile now but still not doing good. I really don't know where or who to turn to anymore. It was 6 months ago I lost my husband. I have found myself putting up a front to my family and friends when I talk to them or see them. They act like I should be over him and enjoying life. I can't and I don't even want to talk to them or see them!!! Why can they not understand??? I've never had to deal with the death of anyone that I loved so much!! I'm going for help but they all seem to think they know what I should be doing better than her. All I do is cry because I have noone to really talk to anymore.

Comment by Kim Phillips on September 11, 2012 at 5:01pm

Brenda thank you for the offer but I have read the bible many many times in the past and for the past 4 months I have really looked for answers in the bible.  What I get is a lot of contradictions.  I appreciate the offer but at this time I am not ready. 

Peace and blessings

Comment by Brenda Ann on September 11, 2012 at 2:46pm

Kim, would you like to have answers to some of the questions you ask about God? I would like to share some scriptures with you - it may make you feel better about your faith. mawmaw1591@gmail.com  Honestly, without faith and hope what are we left with? I don't think I could make it.

Comment by Jeanne Potter on September 10, 2012 at 1:26pm

Well said Mary, I am afraid it is what it is and we all just have to find a way to get through and go on. Our loved ones would not want our lives to stop before our time. I have no doubt we will meet again and until then we are here for a reason. Everyone has to find their own reason and start living it.

Comment by Mary M. on September 10, 2012 at 11:13am

Kim, like you we prayed and prayed for my husband to be healed .. but sometimes we don't get what we pray for and that is like everything in life.  We cannot see the same way God does, and everything takes place in his timing not ours.  I would have given anything for more time with my husband.  Yes it shook my faith, Yes I am angry at God a lot, its ok to be angry.  But I don't feel abandoned so much anymore.  I have a very good friend who has been struggling with cancer a whole lot longer than my husband was, who has been at death's door so many times and has held onto her faith and asked for prayer and lived to watch her grandchildren grow.  I have to believe that everything is in God's timing or I would fall apart completely, I  have to believe that I will see my husband again at the throne on high .. or else why would I continue.  My faith helps to keep me together emotionally .. it helps me get out of bed and do what I have to do each day, and when my time comes it will help me leave this earth in peace.   That is all I have to cling to right now.  So while I respect all the other feelings and thoughts on here and understand I refuse to give up the one thing that I can hold onto right now, My faith in a Loving God!

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