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Comment by Angel on September 24, 2012 at 2:18pm

Oh Mark...my heart bleeds for you. I too have buried the majority of my immediate family..I stillhave twoof my 3 daughters and 2 grandchildren...but no life...I don't believe that God gives us bad but I think it is Satan's work in the world....drugs....promiscuous sex+ AIDS...that type of thing...my husband smoked for 35 years..the tobacco industry put the carcinogens in the cigarettes not God...so you see ther eare so many ways of loooking at life....for me God has been comforting...for you he makes you more angry then youa lready are....anger is normal..horible feeling but normal...Yes it is understandable and acceptable to feel as  you do...the anger will subside one day if you allow it too...and then you can finish the grief process...trust me Mark..I do understand...I have lost so many I love...and wonder at times why my cross in life has been loss...but I have seen others crosses that I would not want either..my prayers are with you...Angel...

Comment by Mark on September 24, 2012 at 1:10pm

I'm puzzled why a God that loves us so much would first allow disease, suffering, and agonizing loss and then expect us to "hang on"  Hang on for what?  My entire immediate family is now gone.  We get no trophy for enduring this.   Right now I feel a bit like an abused child but a very belligerent one that refuses to think of this unseen powerful father figure as one of coddling and comforting me after he allowed the disease and the suffering.   I don't want his comfort because to me that would be tacky.  I want an apology for all of this.  I want my mom back or I want to go back in time and if it was obviously her time to leave I want that departure to be pain free and peaceful.  She'd been through enough.  I ache for her and how she felt abandoned by God after all those years of serving him.  I can only go by what my journey in life brought to me.  I can't accept someone's "interpretation" as matter of fact.  I also get the lovely gift of forever questioning if there is a God and how come some will never endure even one tenth of the hell I saw a precious little woman endure every day of her life with no complaints only to be brutalized even further in that last chapter.  So it's understandable and acceptable that I feel the way I do.  I hate it. 

Comment by Teresa Barnes on September 24, 2012 at 12:02pm

My husband recently lost his battle with liver cancer (he passed on August 3rd).  I miss him everyday!  He was diagnosed mid-March and we had a short-but long-instense battle.  My faith is strong and the Lord sustains me with new strength each morning.

Comment by Angel on September 24, 2012 at 8:43am

I think we all at times need to do some Bible research...there are websites that offer answers tosome of our hardest questions...although I was raised a catholic and went through 12 years of catholic school..I don't practice any organized religion because I beieve them all to have about the same thoughts and most are brainwashing in some way....PLEASE NO RELIGIOUS DEBATES THESE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS...Jesus didn't die to take away death and pain he died to give us everlasting life and forgiveness....everyone and every organized religion has their own interpretation of the Bible...me personally..I have a wonderful relationship with God...it's between Him and I ...and I don't need anyone else involved with it...I have buried my daughter, sister and husband...so death and grief are not foreign to me...I am handing by a thread right now...but I also know God is the reason the thread hasn't broken.....MAy you all find peace...Angel

Comment by Kim Phillips on September 23, 2012 at 8:30am

Mark I totally understand what you are saying.  I thought Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins and the orginal sin of adam and eve.  The original sin was them eating from the tree of knowledge and the consequence was death.  If Jesus died on the cross for that then why does death and pain and suffering still occur?   When I ask question to religious people, they always come up with an answer to justify this and that and to fit the bible to their needs.  One minute I am told to take the words of the bible literally and then when I do and have a question then I am told well what G-D meant was blah blah blah.  How the hell do they know what G-D meant.  The one thing I do know is that I know NOTHING.  What I have learned is that CANCER is insidious, cruel and evil.  I question my faith in G-D every day.  If G-D is so loving and powerful then how can he/she sit by and watch the suffering.  Maybe the Jews have it right.  Maybe the messiah hasn't come to take away the suffering and pain.  I have been studying the bible (many versions and the Torah).  So many contraditions.  So many things that just don't make sense.  I am still stuck on the many verses in many books that says "Ask and you shall receive....."  Well I ask and ask for healing and to eliminate pain and suffering for people.  When I asked many people why my prayers are not answered , I am told well G-D answers prayers in his/her own time and it may not always be answered the way we want.  Well here we go again another justification.  OK I have babbled enough.  But I too feel lied to.  Honestly, I feel like my whole religious up bringing has been a lie.  Sometimes I think being an atheist would be easier.  Why I say that is b/c there is so much hurt and pain and disappointment believing in a

G-D that is suppose to be so loving and so powerful and all knowing and watching so much hurt and pain and suffering in this world (I don't know if that made any sense).   Sending a hug your way Mark.

Comment by Mark on September 23, 2012 at 2:51am

Dennis, thanks for the response.  It's hard to bridge the words comfort and death.  Maybe what I'm in search of is acceptable explanation for allowing the ravages of something like Cancer.  The one thing I allow myself to lean on in my anger towards God is the fact that I'm human.  I'm told my entire life he can do all things but when he allows disease to eat away a life it leaves me feeling like someone lied to me.  I'd feel stupid allowing something to stand and justify the ravages of cancer.  There are so many "maybe's" in the complex equation to life.  For example maybe there isn't a God or maybe God can't control death on earth?  I just don't know.  Odd enough very recently I did encounter a much needed answer to one of the many things we encountered in our journey with Cancer that had been eating away at me.  The answer was brutal but the repercussion as to why certain extenuating things happened during that hell would later be a rebound to certain things I face now.  I was stunned.  If it was God ordained it must have been hard for him to watch even though it had to be played out a certain way knowing later on it would serve another much needed purpose.  My resolve over that was very emotional realizing what it was all meant to be for later on.   My mom was an icon in our community.  A pillar in her church and a role model for hundreds of people.  I don't know if anyone here is aware of Joni Eareckson Tada  But her and my mom lived very similar life's although mom had some use of her hands and she could touch and feel.  When you've seen this life and lived that life vicariously through them you honestly think they've paid at the door so to speak when it comes to any additionally agony like Cancer.  There is unfair and then there's just down right beyond cruel should someone in that situation be handed this additionally.  It kills me that she had to endure this ugly disease.  I'll never accept that.

Comment by Ann on September 17, 2012 at 11:51pm

When I am not at work I am in bed where I can escape to my dreams.  My dreams seem more real than my life.

Comment by Brenda Ann on September 17, 2012 at 11:36am

Dear Lynda,

I know what you mean that cancer is so cruel! Kim Phillips said that cancer is evil and I agree with both of you. I have watched as my brother in law lost his 4 week cancer take over on Sept 5th 2012. It has ripped our family to shreds. www.grief-and-comfort.com is a website that is email based and your thoughts and feelings are not public. I hope to talk with you here or there but talk my friend it really helps.

Brenda

support@grief-and-comfort.com

Comment by Mary M. on September 17, 2012 at 7:57am

Jayne, I think that the pain is bad because we love the person who has passed so much.   Just my thought.  Blessings

Comment by Mary M. on September 17, 2012 at 7:56am

Peggy, glad you got through the week-end and knew he was with you in spirit.  Blessings

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