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Comment by Rayn Cumiskey on January 27, 2013 at 1:13pm

Jane, you and others here, though I am new here, have my prayers and healing thoughts as well.  I sincerely hope everyone has someone or will find someone they can share their heart with going through these losses.  I am very fortunate to have my mom here, but she is fragile and ailing.  Very feisty woman though and has all her wits about her.  I love and respect her so much. We talk nearly everyday on the phone (We live 100 miles away from each other) and I hang on that raspy voice, listening to each intonation and inflection and I never get tired of listening to her.  I lost a brother and a father, but she lost her first born son and her husband of 40 years.  She mourned for 20 years before she started getting out and doing things.  Her world became very small and her grandchildren, I believe, are her salvation.  They gave her something to live for and she's always been wonderful with children.  She and I call my daughter "Our Daughter" because we raised her together before my younger brother's kids were born and then it turned into a party!  She showered them all with love and nurturing and wisdom.  They're all grown up now and out of college with lives of their own so she doesn't see them that much anymore, but they call her often.  My mother is my daughter's hero and although she understands that my mom is getting up their in years, it will be a very, very hard loss for her especially.  I make a point of sending my mom cards, letters, long phone calls and we laugh so much.  When I feel like I can travel, I'll most likely take the train out there and stay a week or two, so it's something both of us are looking forward to.  The elderly are so precious.

Comment by Kim Phillips on January 27, 2013 at 10:39am

Jane,  Wow I feel exactly like you do. I lost my hero (my grandmother) a year ago and then I lost my best friend and the light of my life 8 months ago.  My life is so empty.  I don't know who I am anymore.  I am trying to find my way back to me again but I can't.  My life will never be the same.  I try so hard to smile and be the happy go lucky me but it is all a facade.    Jane hang in there.  I am not going to tell you it will get better b/c I don't even know if it will for me.  What I do know is I was blessed to have my grandmother for 46 years and my soulmate for 20.  My soulmate left me and all her friends and family with this message:  Live fully, laugh often and love deeply.  Well little did she know it ain't that easy for us survivors  :)   Sending  you hugs.

Comment by Mary M. on January 27, 2013 at 10:18am

Jane, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so alone and down today.  You are not alone, never feel that.  Pray for comfort and hope, believe it will be yours.  I know its hard, I struggle daily, but I know the only person who can help me move forward is me.  Encouragement, love, prayers from others helps, but I have to take those baby steps myself. I pray that you find the job that is right for you at this moment, working will help financially but also will give you another focus besides the sense of loss and loneliness.  Just remember you are not alone, I am praying for you and sending hugs to comfort.   There are times I would have loved to pick up the phone and call somebody who would just pray with me, cry with me and help me through a certain moment of time.  So I do understand nad I am praying for you now.  Blessings, hugs & prayers!

Comment by Rayn Cumiskey on January 26, 2013 at 11:20am

How very true Jane.  I was 28 when I lost my Dad and I'm 60 now.  My mom is 87.  I think of him during the course of every day.  I wish my daughter could have known him and we had more time together.  Memories, for me are bitter sweet as well.  Loosing one of my dearest friends just brings up a lot of grief I haven't resolved.  I don't look at this as a bad thing, but it doesn't make it easier either.  My wish for you is that you find comfort in your memories and the friends and family you have now.

Comment by Mary M. on January 25, 2013 at 8:07am

Sue, Without my faith I am not sure I would have survived this past year.  Family and friends have been great but they are not there in those long hours of the night but God is.  He listens, he comforts and shows me how to take one step at a time.  The bible does not tell us that if we have faith we will not have pain or illness, but it does say we will not be alone.   That is what I hold on to.  I am sorry you lost your job, but I believe that if one door closes another will open.  Will pray that the new door opens for you soon.  Blessings & prayers

Comment by Sue Waxman on January 25, 2013 at 6:54am

Hello Friends,

I am sad to read of your pain and loss. It never gets easier...the pain dulls at times but the loss remains. I lost my only parent June 26, 2010. She was my world. Her name is nancy Preston and she suffered terribly from throat cancer - radiation and chemo finally killed her. I wwatched her suffer and die before my eyes. It changed me forever. I have three sisters who are just the most cold hearted people on the planet. I have only my mothers sister who lives up North. Thank God for my friends or I would be alone. I lost my job in October and I am very depressed right now. I know we all have so many burdens in our life right now. I put all my faith in God and know he will somehow point me int the right direction. I have had some unreal things happen to me regarding my mother visiting me. Remember they are still our moms, dads, brothers, sisters...they are just in another place. We will go there one day too. Never use the term "was"...they "are" not GONE out of our lives. We miss the physical part of them the most. I still cry a lot and I am very alone in my life without my mother to call and do things with. God bless you all. Sue

Comment by Rayn Cumiskey on January 24, 2013 at 1:56pm

I wish you all the best Kim.  For someone you love so dearly, 8 months is not even time enough to be out of shock.  I sincerely hope you can find a way to find some comfort and solace.  

Comment by Kim Phillips on January 24, 2013 at 1:03pm

Thank you rayn.  It has only been 8 months so I am not at peace.  She was my soulmate.  My everything.  I am so alone and lost without her.  For the first 4 months I wrote in a journal to her every day and stopped b/c it was making things worse for me.  I will figure it out one day.  Thanks again for the suggestions.

Comment by Rayn Cumiskey on January 24, 2013 at 1:48am

I'm no dream interpreter, but these dreams you are having are very poignant and it sounds like you are not yet at peace with loosing this loved one.  It's as if there is something left unsaid or undone for you.  When my Dad past, I used to write him letters and it seemed to help with some of the trauma and sadness.  If there is something unique that you would like to say to this loved one or something you'd like to do in order to acknowledge your love for her it might help.  My friends and I used to light prayer vigil candles too.  Allowing yourself to be comforted by others and creating rituals to bring about a sense of peace may help with those dreams.  My hope is that you can.

Comment by Mary M. on January 23, 2013 at 9:22pm

Sorry Kim have not experienced that, but I am sure there is some explanation.  Hugs & Prayers

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