Comment

Comment by Mary M. on February 6, 2013 at 9:14pm

Becky, I am not sure that the tears do every stop entirely, we'd have to be made of stone for that to be the case.  Little things set off memories and remind us of the hole in our lives.  Like you I tell my family I am fine but sometimes I am not sure I will ever be truly fine again.  My faith helps me get through and move forward one step at a time.  You know many times throughout my life I have tried to make deals with God .. but God doesn't make deals.   His plans for us are beyond what we understand and I am learning to believe and trust in that.  Hugs & prayers for you.

Comment by Mary M. on February 6, 2013 at 8:58pm

Anna, I truly understand how you are feeling because I cannot find it in my heart right now to help in raising more funds for research, after all that has been raised and was so little help to my husband.  I know that is not a very positive attitude but its how I feel and why I won't participate in raising funds right now.   Hugs and Prayers to you.

Comment by Becky Locati on February 6, 2013 at 5:49pm

Do the tears ever stop? Does the guilt and anger ever go away? My wonderful husband made a deal with God when I was diagnosed with breast cancer to take him instead of me and he did in less than 2 years. I am angry with him for making that deal and at God for taking him. It hurts to breathe and I cannot feel his presence and wonder why. Ours was a true love story with not enough time. No one understands my greif and I can lie on the phone to family that I am fine and they believe me. What do I do without him.

 

Comment by dream moon JO B on February 6, 2013 at 4:02pm

i no how u feal anna l all the mony it gose to recherch on ths evil deses thy shud hav a cure for it by now the funrell i woz at last fryday woz family flowers only mony to go to c recherch or the mamilian nurses who care for people to ths evil deses we r in 2013 by now thy shud find away of geting rid of it 

Comment by anna l. on February 6, 2013 at 1:48am

When will this gut twisting anger and pain ease up? 

Right now so many of my friends, family and aquintances are talking about and getting ready for the relay for life, cancer fundraiser.  Another group is looking for help to make chemo caps and quilts.  I used to be part of those groups but now I cant seem to get past the anger that all the money I helped raise did nothing to help my husband.  And if he could have had a treatment the last thing he would have been worried about would have been his hair.  I cant even read their slogans without bursting into sobs.  He died a horrible death with that monster cancer.  I do not want to be this person who is too selfish to want to help raise the money to help others but right now that is me.  Angry, sad, and just not ready to be anywhere that word is spoken outloud. 

Comment by dream moon JO B on January 30, 2013 at 2:49pm

i feal like im cursed by death 6  people i new died ths month 2 of my mum and dads freid s sthe big cmoking related illess like the big c a cuzen who i only no at partys and last sataday my cuzens husbnad steve he died of

Comment by Mary M. on January 30, 2013 at 10:51am

Hi Sue,  Sorry to hear you are having a down day .. we all have them.  Just like I think there are days we miss our loved ones so much more than others.  I know I have days when the simplest thing can set off tears and yet in the last month I have actually found myself laughing at something; and I thought I would never laugh again.   But you know reading your post about pulling yourself out of them, I think you are well on your way today.  I see your glass as half-full not empty.  Call one of those good friends .. just chat about nothing .. I think sometimes just shifting our focus can help us pull out of the funk. You are a strong woman (I know I hate when people say that about me too) .. but its true none the less.  Sending hugs & prayers your way.

Comment by Rayn Cumiskey on January 30, 2013 at 10:21am

Hi Sue, my deepest sympathies on the loss of your mother.  It's understandable that you are sad and having down days.  I'm learning, from my own experiences that having a quiet place to live or got to is very helpful for my healing process.  Staying in touch with close family members I can trust and close friends as well, even just to talk about the weather and ask them how they're doing calms me down and lets my tears take there journey down my cheeks without burning so much.  I wish only good things for you both present and future.  It took an amazing amount of courage and fortitude to leave someone who was killing your spirit, even if it hurts so much.  You hang in there Sweetie.

Comment by Sue Waxman on January 30, 2013 at 8:37am

Hello Friends,

Today I am having a down day. I just feel sad. Usually I can pick myself up and dust off my boots. I know that life is not easy for most people right now. I wish my Mom was here - healthy and happy and I could hear her comforting words like I always could. I lost my job in October and the stress of getting another one is taking its toll on me. I am 57 years old, divorced for 5 years after a very abusive relationship that I stayed in way to long - 20 years of verbal abuse and mental abuse. Finally get myself esteem back and Mother gets throat cancer. She suffered so much I cannot even think about it. Horrible. I feel so alone right now even though I have so much to be greatful for. I am looking at the glass as empty today. I have great friends who are always there for me. I miss my mother deeply. It never gets easier.

Comment by Rayn Cumiskey on January 27, 2013 at 3:14pm

You are so welcome Jane.  My dad's been gone since 1980 and I, as well, can't fathom the grief I feel sometimes and the same thing with my brother and my two dear friends who died recently.  One had cancer in her spine and the other breast cancer.  My husband and I split a few weeks before she passed and I'm still moving into my new place.  My head and heart feel like they're both going to break in a million pieces at times.  The only thing that keeps me half way sane is that I'm living in a place that is very quiet and comfortable.  I tend to withdraw when there's too much trauma.  I'll talk to my daughter and my mom, but won't burden them with all the stuff going on.  I just want to hear their voices and have family conversations and laugh with them.  It keeps me present and grounded to a degree.  I'm still in shock over everything that's happened.  It's going to take a while to be able to find ways of coping, but it will be alright.  I have friends who live in the neighborhood I moved into and they are very supportive, even if I don't want to talk about anything (which I really don't . . . I'm so fragmented, I can't get a thought or a sentence to make sense).  Sometimes, it just has to be alright to find simple things to do that don't require my brain to work on all thrusters.  Crying is a good release.  God knows, everyone here has a right to be sad and heartbroken.  

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