Comment

Comment by Mary M. on February 24, 2013 at 8:48pm

Ann, Valentine's day was really hard for me too, my first without my husband.  I hope that you can find some comfort knowing you are not alone and others have travelled or are travelling the same journey of grief.   Hugs and blessings.  

Comment by Ann on February 24, 2013 at 8:33pm

Valentine's Day was horrible.  Easter will be hard too.  I can't even express my grief any more, it's just there, every moment of every day.

Comment by Mary M. on February 24, 2013 at 8:15pm

Kim, You have nothing to be sorry for.  Like you there are some comments that people make that really hit a nerve, but I try not to let them get the best of me.  I did not take offence, just felt bad that I had caused you upset.  This forum is a place where we should all be able to vent, express views and support each other as we each travel our own journey of grief.   I really do hope that you can find some peace amongst all the turmoil and pain of grief.  Hugs

Comment by Kim Phillips on February 24, 2013 at 8:03pm

Jeanne, I did reach out to a psychic and she was so was so right about most everything (I am a psychologist too and I know about cold readings and how psychics can manipulate to get information so.... I didn't supply her with to much info).  It was unbelievable.  What she did say was that my loved one didn't understand what happened.  She is trying to figure out and analyze what happened and that she just wants to come home to me and her son.  The psychic said so much more and was right on.  The psychic sent me a tape of our conversation.  I was skeptical until something happened on the tape.  She told me my loved one was very worried about me and I heard a heart beating on the tape.  I few days later I ended up in the hospital with a blockage in my heart (this was in October).  I went back and listened to the tape the other night and the heart beat was gone.  I listened to it twiced and it wasn't there.  A friend of mine heard the tape with the heart beat and I told her it was gone and she listened ago with me and it wasn't there so.......

Comment by Kim Phillips on February 24, 2013 at 7:54pm

Mary, I am sorry.  It wasn't directed personally toward you although when you did say it it just set a spark off (have had many many people say it to me when my loved one passed).  Her struggle was horrible too.  She had metastatic breast cancer to brain, lungs, bones and liver.  She was very religious but still fought so hard to live even up until the last few minutes.  She wasn't ready to leave.  She was a single mother and leaving her young son (28yrs old) all alone.  He does have me but that was his mommy.  She had taken care of her son and had taken care of and buried her parents.  It was finally her time to have a life and then she gets sick.  Her life was here.  She wanted to watch her son grow and her grandson grow up and help children (she was a child psychologist) and travel and enjoy life.  When the priest at the funeral said she was in a better place it made me mad too.  I believed for so long that when we pass we go to heaven.  Well, when I re-read the bible it doesn't say that at all.  It says per Jesus that we are in a state of sleep.  We will not go to heaven until the second coming.  I am just so confused and lost and angry.  Thank you all for listening and letting me vent without judgement. 

Comment by Mary M. on February 24, 2013 at 6:25pm

Kim, I am sorry if I upset you with my wording, however, I do believe there is a heaven, I believe when my time comes I will see my loved ones again.   But I also know that life here for my husband became unbearable, he was in so much pain, could not eat, and knowing  his spirit is in heaven and he is no longer enduring that is enough for me.  No, I don't want to kill myself or leave this earth before my time, I am sure there are things I still need to do before that day.  But I do look forward to the day I am reunited not only with my husband, but my little girl who passed away too soon, my father, grandparents and so many other people I have loved and lost.   It is that faith that helps me get through the days I must remain behind on this earth.  

jb, I am sorry you too don't seem to believe there is a heaven, and are upset by words that are not meant to cause pain or anger but rather to give comfort.   And whether we want it to or not, life does go on for those of us left behind.  What we do with that is up to us. 

Hugs & blessings to you both.  I hope one day you find some peace to replace the anger.

Comment by dream moon JO B on February 24, 2013 at 3:21pm

yes kim i get sic of people saying thy in a beter plase and u get sic of people saying life goes on or thy tell us to get over it its easy the 1s who say it hav never lost any 1 ib the life yet

Comment by Jeanne Potter on February 24, 2013 at 3:19pm

Well Kim, I say it because I know that it is true. I have been deeply involved with psyhics, the first one being John Edward on his old show. I can tell you that everyone starting with my younger brother, my best friend, my father and mother, my husband and most recently another good friend. Everyone of those people have come through to me in readings loud and clear and they are all very happy where they are. You might want to read some of John Edward's books. They are very enlightening. The feeling you get when he brings through your loved one is nothing less than Euphoric. I don't know of any disbelievers that have come back from a reading with a reputable person and not believed and felt wonderful. Mine started with my brother in 1999 and again and many times through the years including a few months ago when my friend came through to thank me for being her carebgiver and my husband saying some things about my son and some problems I had been having with him. I could tell you many more things and signs but you really have to be open to it. So I say no I don't want to kill myself and I don't want to die before my time because I have others here that I love and don't want to make them sad like all of us already are. I guess the difference if you believe in the afterlife and how it works is that you don't have a thought about taking your own life. I so wish more of you would seek out someone to help you make contact with your loved one. It won't stop you from missing them, but you will know without a doubt that they really are alright and we are the ones in pain. Jeanne

Comment by Kim Phillips on February 24, 2013 at 2:29pm

I am just very angry and venting.  I don't understand when people say our loved ones are in a better place.  If it is such a better place then why don't we all kill ourselves to get there.  Are we all striving to get to that place.  Would you rather be dead than alive. Why do our love ones say they don't want to dye.  Does saying it is a better place just suppose to give us loved ones some peace of mind.   

Comment by Mary M. on February 23, 2013 at 7:29pm

Hi Kathy,  I am sorry for your loss.  Cancer appears to have no boundaries, it seems to strike whenever and whoever it wants.  While I understand a certain amount of guilt seems to be part of the grieving process, I do agree with Jeanne that we cannot feel guilty for not being able to take away the disease or the pain from our loved ones while they are still here.  My consolation is that I know my husband is in a better place, is no longer suffering.  I think that was the hardest thing to see him in pain and be able to do nothing about it except hold his hand, talk with him, lay beside him and pray.   Hugs to you.  

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