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Comment by Fran on January 4, 2015 at 1:19pm

My mind is still somewhat of a blur. I can't always follow a simple train of thought.

My husband had complained of hip and back pain on and off for years. He traveled for work, nationally and internationally...and he hunted as often as he could...even going elk hunting in Dec. 2013. His complaint were always attributed to over activity and arthritis and just getting older(he was 57) by the MD...here's an anti-inflammatory or a muscle relaxant, try to deal with it. Last December his pain got so bad nothing touched it! At the same time he developed a cough and we thought it was pneumonia. One thing lead to another with the definitive diagnosis coming St. Patrick's Day...Stage IV Lung Cancer. He was admitted immediately following a bronchoscopy...I didn't think he would survive the night...He had problems breathing and his pain was off the scale. It took 3 days to get his pain under control using IV Morphine. They started chemo and radiation before he was discharged trying to get a handle on the pain caused by all the bone metastasis throughout his body. He ended up with a Cyberknife procedure to take care of the brain mets.

I went on FMLA and turned my attention to taking care of him and taking him to all the doctor's appt, and chemo and radiation and lab appts. Once we got things to a "schedule" of sorts, my workplace arranged for me to work 4 hour shifts so I would be able to continue caring for him. I'm a nurse and it wasn't the first time I've taken care of family, but, it was more intense/different. I got to be inventive in some of the ways I took care of him and all his doctors were ok with whatever I did. But, I never felt like it was good enough.

We never got the "quality" of life we expected. For every issue we overcame, it seemed like another one popped up. I was lucky to have our 2 children (both in their 20's) still living with us and were my back up. My son was able to get him out in Sept. for a little 'bird" hunting...the thought being that he'd be able to go deer hunting in November. My daughter drove him when I wasn't available.

Long story short, he died 2 weeks short of deer season. November 6, 2014. Wasn't expecting it...most recent xrays, Cat scan, lab work showed he was doing ok; but, all of a sudden he was having difficulty breathing. He ended up on oxygen which I had to increase daily to the point where I didn't have enough oxygen to give him. I'd check on him during the night and he'd be practically blue until I could get him situated more upright. He was admitted on Monday, transferred to Hospice on Wednesday and was gone Thursday.

In some ways, the past year seems like a lifetime and in other ways it seems like a blink of time.

I give everyone who comments about their loved ones a big hug and I understand where you are coming from. If you haven't experienced this type of loss, you just don't understand.

There's not just the feeling of loss, but also of guilt...

Comment by Shirley on December 26, 2014 at 11:47pm

My husband was diagnosed with Prostrate Cancer in 2000. He had 28 Radiation treatments and they implanted 73 Radiation seeds around the Prostrate. For a few years we thought things were okay.  In early 2009 Cancer showed up in the right lung.They gave him 5 weeks of Radiation and 7 weeks of Chemo.  Said it was in remission and wanted to monitor him for five years.  In late 2013 another Cancer appeared in another place in the right lung.. His body could not have any more Chem and they tries to give him 5 more radiation treatments, which did nothing but run his body down farther. On Mar 4 2014 we were told the Cancer had jumped into the right side of his brain and was stage 4.   Mar 6 2014 I enrolled him with Hospice of the Valley in Peoria Arizona. I took care of him at home. It is heart breaking to watch someone you love go down ward on a daily, hourly minute basis. The last four weeks he could not walk, barley could say yes or no, could not eat or swallow.  Lost my husband about 4:14 AM on this past April 29, at home.  Christmas would have been his Birthday, and on Dec29 we would have celebrated our Anniversary and also the 29 will be the 8th month he has been living in Heaven. I do not question God and His Plans. I ask HIM daily to be my strength and walk beside me until I can make it it on my own.He is an awesome God and I Praise him every chance I get.   Going to ask GOD to be your strength and walk beside you as you go forward with your grieving. May HE Bless each of you in the coming New Year.   Thanks for letting me vent here.

Comment by Jennifer L Gebhardt on December 26, 2014 at 7:37pm

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010. She moved in with me and I became her caregiver. After four years she passed away.I am heartbroken. 

Comment by Michael C. Ramsey on November 29, 2014 at 11:10am

I lost my wife of 14 years to metastatic lung cancer on Oct.20th, she was 51. She was diagnosed in 2012 and seemed to be doing well with the chemo she was taking. The last 2 scans showed growth again, so  in the beginning of October we were switching to something else. She started having breathing problems and within 20 days she was gone. I can't seem to get my stuff together,been crying every day and find myself staying away from people. Please tell me it gets better.

Comment by Mary M. on October 22, 2014 at 11:26pm

Betsy - I am sorry for the loss of your mum and husband. I can relate. My husband would have turned 64 this Friday (October 24). I am dreading spending it alone. My plans to go away for the weekend have been changed to Saturday departure. Trying to find friends who are not working to spend the day with. I am sure The Lord will make sure I am not alone. Blessings and prayers for you and others on this site.

Comment by Betsy Arnold on October 18, 2014 at 12:37am

Mary M, I lost my husband almost 5 years ago from blood cancer and a failed stem cell transplant, and I still miss him every day. He was only 43, I was 45 when he died. October 31st will be the 5th anniversary of his passing and already I'm dreading it, especially now having just lost my Mom less than three months ago. I feel like I lost the two people in this world who truly and completely loved me.

Comment by Betsy Arnold on October 18, 2014 at 12:33am

Jayne, I am also so sorry for your loss. My Mom died almost 3 months ago and she was also my best friend. I am completely lost without her. I am still in shock. She had liver cancer, diagnosed only a week before she died. We had her home on hospice for 5 days and she slipped away so fast that my siblings and I are all left feeling like a tornado swept through, leaving us in the aftermath. My body fell apart, as I was recently diagnosed with Chronic Inflammatory Colitis, and lost almost 20 pounds and a lot of blood since her death. I was her caregiver, too, and we were planning for her to move in with me before all this happened. I am totally and completely lost. Prayers and deepest sympathy to you.

Comment by Mary M. on October 17, 2014 at 11:52pm

Jayne I am sorry for your loss. It is difficult losing a parent especially if you were really close. I lost my dad and it really messed me up. I ended up quitting my job at that time because I couldn't get my head straight. For me losing my husband was worse but I do understand how difficult it is to lose a parent. There are others on here who have gone through what you are feeling now. I am sure they will reach out to you too. Hugs and prayers

Comment by Jayne on October 17, 2014 at 11:43pm

i would love to talk to others who have gone through the passing of their mom. I am  so sick. I lost my bff.

Comment by Jayne on October 17, 2014 at 11:39pm

any cancer stinks

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