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Comment by Sara Schwartztrauber on May 24, 2015 at 1:53am

I think that the shock of losing my husband and the anger at my stepdaughters is wearing off and allowing me to really feel the pain of losing my husband.

I forced myself to go to his grave on Thursday for the first time. They couldn't get his stone in for memorial day and I didn't want his grave to be bear. I took a plaque with his picture and name, wind chimes, lights, flowers, and tried to make it look better, and then I sat there and cried until it was so dark that I had to leave.

We were together for 37 years and all his two daughters want to do is try and have his will set aside because he left all to me and not to them. What is wrong with them, why is it only about money? They treated him terribly while he was here, and he was such an amazing man and a great father to our two kids. They haven't asked for one thing to remember their dad by, just where is the money. My kids would give everything they have just to have their dad back for one day.

I am rambling, but I just don't understand how they can be so cruel. Our grandchildren haven't even spoken to me since he died because they all think that he left them money and I am hiding it from them. I gave them a copy of his will, it was signed 8 years ago, before he got sick and had to have pain meds, but they still think that I am hiding money from them.

I miss him so much that I can't breathe at times, and they just want money. I don't understand it. He was loved and admired by so many people that there was over 600 people at his funeral, yet his own kids don't give a damn, except where is "the money they deserve". I have blocked them all from calling me, and put an alarm system in my house because I don't trust them. Can't they just leave me alone and let me miss him in peace?

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 23, 2015 at 3:52pm

bg c is evil i wish thy cud get rid of big c coz of all loss we had coz of it

Comment by Debbie on May 23, 2015 at 3:30pm

I feel all of your pains. My husband died in August 2014, he left me with 2 boys and no money. I'm am still sick like it happened yesterday. I cry all day. I feel like I'm drowning. I miss him so much. He was only 48 and had Leukemia . I'm so tried of feeling this way. There is no family around me, all I have are my 2 boys. I'm only here for the, but I really don't want to be. I sleep most of the day everyday and never get out of pj's . No money and nj insurance for the poor , no nothing.sick of feel like shit ...........,

Comment by Shirley on May 23, 2015 at 1:21pm

Hello Richard,

Just read your post and wanted to say just a few words regarding your love and pain for the little girl that lives beside you . She is Gods child, as we all are, and none of us can change HIS plans even if we wanted to give our life for the one ill. I have lost my parents, in-laws,  five brothers, one older sister, two husbands, a number of friends and would have gladly given my life for either of them. I feel like you...God is keeping me here for HIS reason and I don't understand it either. We have to wait until HE calls us Home. Some day, with HIS help, there will be a cure for Cancer.  Please have a Blessed day and it is alright if we grieve for others........

Comment by Richard G on May 23, 2015 at 11:56am

Yesterday I found out that my next door neighbors 2 year old daughter has leukemia. She is like a granddaughter to me. I can't make any sense of this world. I've told God that I'm ready to die. I'm seen all the pain and suffering I want to see  in this life. But I'm still here so God must have some purpose for me. I am in the bone marrow donor bank and I prayed to God last night to let be a match for little Eleanor. I thought my grief couldn't get any worse but I was wrong. To have another person I love battling cancer is just tearing me apart. She is so young and I feel so bad for her parents and brothers and sisters. I pray that she will beat this dreaded disease. I think it is about time that someone I love beats cancer. I have lost five loved ones to cancer. The sorrow is so overwhelming. 

Comment by Shirley on May 22, 2015 at 4:57pm

Hello,  Sorry have not posted in awhile. Been going some small health issues but things are okay now. Lost my hubby on April 29 2014. He had several cancer cells erupting through out his body. Pain, confusion, medicines, anger, and tears took over his body . Took care of him at home with Hospice of the Valley. It hurts so much to watch your loved one going through this, so when God took him home,  I cried and thanked HIM for taking my hubby HOME.  This past 13 months has been tough to swallow, but in the end I know where he is and there are no more hurdles for him to climb past..  My heartfelt prayers are with each of you here who have had to say good-bye to a loved one,  due to Cancer.  Hope there can be a cure found for this disease before it is time for me to take my Journey HOME.   Blessings to all.    

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 21, 2015 at 3:46pm

big c got me get me so sic its evil it kills me wen u hear lots of human so on die coz of it 

iv lots a lo t of famly 2 big c i cnt evn say it full coz it mks me feal sic 

sorry im rantn on 

Comment by Michael Thompson on May 21, 2015 at 8:57am

Hi Richard Goggin, I feel your pain, I'm 67 years old, I lost my dear wife to cancer on September 18 last year 2014, after she had a 10 month battle with this rotten disease.  We were married 22 years.

The quiet is deafening. The loneliness is equally so, there is now no rapport to carry me through the day.

When you share a huge part of your life with someone like a wife or a husband, and they suddenly die for whatever reason, everything changes in your life and world, the little things you might have taken for granted each day, became the big things. There is now no rapport, no one to talk with about the things that you talked about, it is like suddenly being in a jail with no windows or doors, you are mentally and emotionally, trapped.

My wife was a Yorkshire Terrier lover all her life, to her these dogs were'nt just dogs, they were little people, part of the family. Although I know I am no compensation for my wife's lap, and all the kisses she got from our now two year old Yorkie pup, I promised my wife I would take care of her as she would have done, please see recent picture.

Thank you

Michael UK

Comment by kathleen akin on May 21, 2015 at 8:56am

Richard, that is just so sad. You lose someone twice! I don't think I could ever love again and I can't stand the thought of being without him, my husband, Rocky. He was not given much time, so is still here with me, but like you I can just look at him and I can see that he is not going to be with me much longer. I hate thinking like that. But he has just shrunk since the very first day they told him. Sometimes I wish we never knew so we could just go on with our lives in the dark, not knowing what it happening...just like we did in Feb.  Its too bad you didn't have more time with Cherie. And her loss is still so fresh. You're right there is just so much sadness all over here. I feel for everyone.

Comment by Richard G on May 21, 2015 at 8:14am

I can feel the pain of everyone in this group. Cancer is so cruel, it not only takes our loved ones but makes us watch them waste away. I lost my wife, my love, Cherie on 4/18/15 to lung cancer. She never smoked. I met her in a grief support group after I lost my first wife Jane to cancer. I never thought I would love again after I lost Jane. I think that Jane brought Cherie into my life to show me that I could love again. I had Cherie for six years, far too short. When she was diagnosed with lung cancer my gut told me that she would beat the cancer. The doctors offered no hope but I think I just couldn't bear the thought of losing her. It is so hard to just go on living. Most days all I can do is sit in her favorite chair and cry. I have been in this terrible dark place before and survived. I know that I need to just hang on and someday the pain will not be so overwhelming. My heart goes out to all the people in this group. 

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