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Comment by Diana on November 14, 2009 at 8:30am

Tania, Grieving is a strange and difficult time. and also very personal.
The one thing I have learned in my jouney with death of loved ones is that if they want you there to see then die you will be there. otherwise if they dont want you with them at tha time you wont be. This Was Moms choice.
I was not at my Moms side when she died but I was there the night before. I treasure those times with her. Very special .

Comment by Tania Taylor on November 13, 2009 at 11:31pm

I lost my mom last July 22nd. She died four months after being diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer. While she lived in Hawaii and I live in Las Vegas I spent a month in hawaii then came home for 6 weeks then back again for six weeks during which time she passed away. My older sister cared for her while I wasn't there but worked so she needed me to help care for her since I don't work. I had to switch back and forth leaving my husband and daughter behind to take care of my mother. I have two other sisters, but they chose to continue on with their own lives. I feel so bad because I couldn't be there for mom in those last hours. I have a disability that exhausts me and we had spent all day at the cancer center. I told my mom I needed a nap so left her in her room to also nap. Later that night I checked up on her and she was complaining of heartburn. I told her to take a tums and if she felt worse to call for me. Turns out less then one hour later she had died in her sleep. I found her the next morning, peacefully looking asleep like a cherub. I feel like I didn't do enough for her. Like in her last moments I just said "take a tums". She wasn't one to complain at all, but I feel I should have known more. How do you deal with this guilt?

Comment by Katherine Ellis on November 6, 2009 at 12:44am

Diana, I can't imagine how your feeling. Your loss is so new yet. Our daughter died 9 years ago. So I can tell you that with time it will get softer. There will always be an empty spot and days where there is pain. But it won't be every day. Your right about the crying being normal and then will come anger. Dealing with a death comes in stages. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts, my heart and I will pray for you. God Bless

Comment by Diana on November 5, 2009 at 6:58pm

Oh how I feel what you are all feeling. I lost my husband 4 months ago to a very aggressive cancer. he was not diagnosed until he collasped and was taken by ambulance to a hospital and one week later he died, He also was not feeling well for the previous month and he took all the right steps so we thought. Its a good thing he did not have to suffer long. All I wanted was to say good by and let him know I loved him. He gave me a couple of days. He will always be my hero. My soulmate.
I needed to grief, although I knew he did not want me too. I cried and I cried and the tears still come rolling down my face just over a simple song. or going to the cemetary. i just sob. then I cry all the way home.
I loved him and I know this is all normal for me. and so it is for you.

Comment by Katherine Ellis on November 5, 2009 at 12:09am

Vikki, your loss is still so new. All I can tell you is it will take a lot of time for it to get better. I know, we lost our daughter 9 yrs ago and my Dad 10 yrs ago. If you need to vent or cry or whatever please come here and share with us. We do understand. I am praying for you and your family. God Bless

Comment by Vikki Avila on November 4, 2009 at 11:54pm

It was two years this past Oct, since losing Dad....I do not know how to go on. I try and try, but the over whelming sense of loss is almost unbearable. I find myself lying upon his grave, just trying to feel him close to me. I'm not sure the newness of losing him will ever wain. So many times I've needed his advice, but my pleas to the wind fall away.

Comment by Julie Dolsey-Weiss on November 4, 2009 at 7:53pm

It has been almost 5 years since my dad died of colon cancer after a five year battle and I miss him very much. The death of my mom has brought his death back into my face again. I feel so alone!

Comment by sistershirley on November 4, 2009 at 1:23pm

I lost my mother to leukemia - it was sudden and unexpected, in fact she wasn't diagnosed until she was in the ICU. She died 3 days later. Months prior to her trip to the hospital, she had symptoms but they were never properly diagnosed. I miss her every day, she was my best friend.

I started a blog to help find new ways to cope: www.modernmourner.com

Comment by Katherine Ellis on November 4, 2009 at 3:00am

What your feeling is normal Stephanie. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I find myself still wanting to pick up the phone and call mom. We shared everything. Your grief is so new right now, give it time (lots of time) and it will get better. It will never go away, but it will get easier. You are in my prayers. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Comment by Stephanie Monroe on October 27, 2009 at 5:56pm

I lost my mom 13 weeks ago and still have trouble accepting the fact that she is really gone. She was my best friend and I feel completely lost without her.

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