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Comment by Kirstine Rushing on May 5, 2010 at 9:10pm

well I am going to wallow in misery, but I can't help it. I plan on going to the cemetary and just laying by her and crying my eyes out until I get it all out. My husband asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day, I told him not mentioning the holiday at all would be the best present he could give me. I just can't help it. I can't bring myself to going to church and seeing everyone get up to hug their mom when the pastor says to b/c I am just so mad I don't have my mom anymore. I love God with all my heart and I know he has his reasons, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Ok, thanks for letting me vent! :)

Comment by Lilly pizer on May 5, 2010 at 9:06pm

yes, I expect this weekend will be especially hard for us. Most any holiday or anniversary just really hit the heart, sometimes I don't even know what the problem is, it's almost unconscious, I'll have a horrible day, and then realize its our wedding anniversary, I've never tried this... i wonder if I planned to do something fun on a sad day, if it would work. I might try it this weekend. My thoughts are with all of my new friends.

Comment by Suzanne Ballard on May 5, 2010 at 8:22pm

Hang in there, sweet Kirstine. You will make it. We are here for you.
MaryJane, We all understand here at this forum. You can email me anytime you need to talk.
And to Lilly, Sue, Carolyn and everyone else here, this is going to be a hard weekend for a lot of folks, so remember that we are all here for each other.

Namaste, all my new friends. Wish we'd met under different circumstances, but we did meet and that is what is important now.

Comment by Kirstine Rushing on May 5, 2010 at 5:50pm

So badly missing my mom today. I am almost 3 months pregnant and as a girl, you know this is when you need your mom! My sister uploaded some pics today to facebook and there was a pic with my mom and my baby boy when he was born 2 years ago. It was a photo at the hospital. For the life of me, I don't know how I am going to handle that whole hospital ordeal this time around w/out her. Normally I would panic, call her, she would tell me she was on my way and speed down to be there with me and once she got there I was fine. Its just so weird w/out her here and the worst day of the year is on Sunday to make me even sadde...Mother's Day! :( Its going to hurt so bad!

Comment by Lilly pizer on May 3, 2010 at 6:05pm

thats awesome Kirstine, I'm so glad for you to have that time with your mom again, even if it is a dream for now.

Comment by Kirstine Rushing on May 3, 2010 at 4:42pm

Its been 3 months since I lost my mom and you will see below that I mentioned me asking her to come to me in my dreams. I was giving up hope, but last night she did! She told me she was worried about me b/c she had seen me crying so much and being so sad. She told me not to cry for her or worry about her. She said she is alive more than ever and that Heaven is everything she said it would be and more. She told me she is always with me even if I can't see her. My husband said I was just sitting in bed fast asleep talking away to her. It was so comforting to be with her again. For the first time since Jan 22, I woke up today with a bounce in my step. My mom told me that this is only temporary and that we will be together again one day and won't ever have to part again. This was the BEST Mother's Day blessing I could have ever received! I was so dreading Sunday, but now it won't be as rough b/c I know I haven't really lost her.....I knew that all along, but hearing her tell me made it that much more awesome!

Comment by Suzanne Ballard on May 1, 2010 at 8:41pm

I am having in incredibly bad day today for no apparent reason other than I miss my honeyman. What triggered it this time? Who knows. Could have been the Bob Dylan song playing on the radio this afternoon or the fact that I cleaned out the freezer today and there were some things in there I bought just for him. I am beginning to be worn out from this emotional earthquake. If anybody wants to talk off the boards, my email is on my profile. Suzanne Ballard

Comment by Sue Swinehart on May 1, 2010 at 6:57pm

HI, just joined today. Much like Suzanne, I'm joining 3 weeks after losing my husband to pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed 1/20/2010, died 4/9/2010. I've been keeping myself insanely busy since his death. I went ahead with the move he and I had planned 4 days after he died, and since then I've been painting, cleaning, arranging, shopping, etc some days from early morning to early morning. Yesterday I was at Home Depot, talking to someone about ordering a new countertop when she mentioned it was Friday. I burst into tears, and haven't quite stopped since. For more than a few minutes, anyway. I guess it just finally hit me. I immediately started searching for a support group and finally landed here!

Comment by Suzanne Ballard on April 11, 2010 at 7:34pm

Lost my husband less than 3 weeks ago but I already feel like I need to reach out to others like myself because I am surrounded by people who want so much to be sympathetic and kind but when they claim that they understand, it is simply not true because none of them have lost a loved one to cancer. My husband was only 50 years old and had had kidney cancer for the last 5 years. Originally diagnosed in 2005, he had a nephrectomy and was cancer free until October of 2008, when it recurred in his spine. We were together for 16 years and spend nearly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week togethe. Because we had both been married before to workaholics who cared more about their careers then either of us it was a mandate for both of us to be in a relationship where it came first. We succeeded in that and it was a wonderous time for us both. I find that one of the things that I miss the most is just having him around to talk to me. It is hard to lose your husband, best friend, lover, mentor, teacher, and all of the other things that he was in one blow. This is so very, very hard and I miss him so much it is breaking my heart.

Comment by carolyn anderson on March 22, 2010 at 11:00am

well it's march 22nd and it's moms bday today she would have been 57 today and it's hard cuz I can't even call mom and tell her happy bday or take her out for dinner and then go shoping for whatever she would want or need . I still find myself picking up the phone to call her and then I juut hang the phone up cuz then I rember that she's not here with me anymore .about 2 or 3 weeks ago I found out that mom also had head and neck cancer and mom didn't tell anyone at first I was mad but now I understand why mom didn't tell me but it still hurt . I don't think this pain is ever going to go away

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