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Comment by Jan Duvenage on December 1, 2010 at 3:12am

Shawna, this is the worst time of the year , never mind the worst time in any persons life to come to terms with and deal with the loss of one's partner and soulmate. I lost my beautiful wife and only soulmate on 19th April 2010 to pancreatic cancer and since then it has been hell. We all have to make this journey in our lifetime and to deal with it is beyond words, description, emotions and feelings. It does get better i know that but it still does not make it any easire living withou the other person. It is coming up to our anniversary in December, plus my birthday and Christmas and it is going to be very difficult keeping a brave face but yet i know my dearest Margi will be with me in my heart and mind because nothing dies there unless we choose it to be so. Be strong, keep on living life to the fullest because if Jerry was here , this is what you both would have been doing, remember his soul is free and beautifull once again no longer trapped in his body, and this is what you fell in love with . Appeareances and the outside matters not but how you loved and the other person loved you back.

Comment by Jessica Manning on November 30, 2010 at 3:16pm

I lost my dad back in May from Stage 4 Lung Cancer. totally came out of nowhere and now he's gone and im stuck here on earth. :(

Comment by Shawna Shuler on November 29, 2010 at 6:43am

Thank you Connie, sorry to hear about your wife. I am on this site because reaching out to my family is damn near immpossible. Maybe its just me being paranoid but since Jerrys passing it seems very few people come around or call and very fewer want to hear how bad Im feeling. Mainly yeah I hear how it will get better and I just have to hang in there and be strong it's like people are drilling it into my head but right now it feels like someone reached in and ripped out my heart and soul, and Im trying to comprehend what the hell has happened I feel like its a bad nightmare that Im going to wake up from and he's going to be there beside me. But when I do finally fall asleep and do finally wake up hes not there and it hurts all over again almost as much as it did before I went to sleep. I walk around my house and try to find something anything to give me a sign that his spirit is still here, or something that will remind me of his voice but theres nothing. I talk to him all day long either in my head or outloud and feel like Im completly losing my mind cause all Im doing is talking to myself. I know I just lost Jerry 2 wks ago and Im just getting started going through whatever it is Im supposed to go through but I wish it was done Im tired of crying and feelin numb and shock and lonely. Thanks again for your words though they gave me a tiny bit of comfort

Comment by Shawna Shuler on November 28, 2010 at 7:52pm

My fiance of 5 years passed away 2 wks ago leaving me with our two young children. Obviously I am not handeling this very well. We went x-mas shopping the week before for the kids and we were going to do x-mas and thanksgiving early because he wasnt feeling very well. He passed 11-13-10 we were planning the early x-mas and things 11-20-10. His birthday is coming this week and I had a surpirse party planned which everyone is telling me to do something for it even though he wont be there. For the last year I devoted all my time to taking care of him and the kids and sadly I watched him slip away. I miss him so much I dont know how to do this how do I do this? Everyone keeps telling me it takes time but I never realized losing him would hurt so much he was my everything my best friend, he saved me from an abusive relationship when we met and we have never been apart since. Im only 34 years old and I never thought I would lose the one person in my life that I loved so much, much less watch him as he started dying right in front of me and our children. It feels like someone reached in and ripped out all my insides, heart, stomache and all and just left this empty void there all I want if to turn back time and have him back...I just want him here back beside me

Comment by Judy Kemp on November 6, 2010 at 11:12pm

My husband died in MAy of 2009 I still cannt get over how he suffered while he was on this earth, I watched as he wasted away in front of me. His birthday came again this year and he wasnt here all i could think of was how much i need to be witrh him i even went so fas as to pick up the meds that i take and taking them all i think i would have if my childern hadnt called me that day. i cannt do this any more i dont want to hurt and be numb all the time i miss him so bad i cannt sleep i dont eat i cry all the time iam so tried of pertending that i okay for everyone else i just want to be with my husband i need to be with him god help me but i cannt do this anymore i cannt live without him and if anyone tells me it gets better with time i think i'll scream so tried of hearing that it dosnt get better it only leaves your heart ripped in pieces breaking my sprint and soul... god forgive me but i need him hes always been there for me thru all the last 24 years of my life was with him each and every day and night 24/7 we were together i cannt do this on my own..... so tried of tring just want to feel something and not cry anymore want to feel his arms around me holding me god i miss him so bad want to be with him so bad

Comment by Gerene Keesler on November 6, 2010 at 8:14pm

I am so glad to find this group. My father died 10/10/10. His Celebration of Life gathering is tomorrow. We were extremely close. He had a rare form of salivary gland cancer, Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. I feel so empty without him.

Comment by Barb Shannon on November 2, 2010 at 8:52pm

My husband passed away on September 21, 2010 after a long battle with metastatic prostate cancer. We farmed together our entire married life. Today our corn test plot was taken off, and it was so strange and lonely not to have him there. In addition to the pain of losing him, I had to move my parents to assisted living at the same time he was going downhill. My parents tell everyone they love their new place, but my mother has targeted me as someone who has taken control away from her, and basically won't speak to me. I'm in enough pain missing John, without this additional stress. Everyone tells me how well I'm doing and how well I am coping. I guess I must be a better actress than I ever knew, because inside I'm not feeling like things are ok. Being farmers and self-employed, we tended to be pretty independent, and I don't feel
comfortable bothering others about my feelings.

Comment by Irene Hernandez on October 4, 2010 at 2:45am

I lost my beautiful mom to Stage 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme brain cancer on may 17, 2010....my mom was the best mother a girl could have..not only my mother but my best friend...i felt like my world ended the day she was diagnosed and the day she passed away.....i took care of her full time while she battled this monster for 5 months..the hardest thing is watching someone you love with all your heart and soul slowly disinigrate and be in so much pain and you cant do anything about it but i wouldnt have changed it for the world that i was the one that cared for her i would have done it for however long she needed me to i got to share a special bond with her ..i prayed to god every night why? and to please spare my mom.but in the end the cancer took her from me......she wasnt given a chance...she was diagnosed in jan 2010 and passed may 2010...everything happened so fast..theres days that i still dont believe shes gone..its like im still asking god what happened? how did this happen? i cry every day for my mom...my life is hard without her in it..some days i just feel like giving up....the pain is so excrutiating...no one deserves to have to go through this..they need to find a cure somehow for all these cancers.i miss you mom and i love you.......i cant wait to see you again my precious angel.....

Comment by Julie on August 21, 2010 at 5:16pm

Hi Connie,
I truly feel your pain and I understand. My husband and best friend passed away 5 months ago and it has been extremely difficult for me to continue to live my life, solo without him physically by my side. We were a team and did everything together and I really mean everything. I joined a support group soon after he passed away and I went once or twice and wasn't able to committ to going, so it really wasn't helping me too much. My Mom who is my best friend and main support system, helped me realize that my husband wouldn't be very happy with me if he knew how upset I was every single day. He loved me so very much and would not want me to suffer anymore than I already had and experience sadness continuosly. I started going to the support group more often and still continue to do so, and it gives me some bit of peace for a short time. It helps me knowing that there are other people who are experiening some sort of similar loss there. The counselor explained that every loss is unique like every relationship, but Loss is loss. I also saw an individual counselor, maybe that would be helpful to you. I am not sure if you have tried it already. If not, you may want to look into it at this very difficult time. It's just a suggestion. I think it's very important to talk about your feelings and express how you feel. If I don't express my feelings my head feels like it's going to explode, it's terrible. I too, was pissed at God for letting this happen but my Mom said that it's not God's fault. She said that this stupid cancer is so much bigger than ALL OF US. I believe that. I also started to focus on the beautiful special love that we had and I constantly look at our pictures and relive the wonderful times that we shared together. Believe me, I wish he were here because he was my soulmate, love and my source of strength but even though he is not physically by my side he is watching over me as my angel, just like your partner/soul mate is watching over you Connie. She needs you to be okay for her and for the two of you and your love. You have to make her proud of you and you will. It takes time and it is so difficult to accept, but unfortunately this our reality. I thank my husband every day for coming into my life and loving me and marrying me. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and the best thing that ever will. I need to continue to make him proud, it's very important to me and to him, this I know. My Mom gave me a book called Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman and I pick it up and read exerpts from it whenever I am up to it. Every day I try to do at least one thing that gives me a bit of pleasure, small steps. This doesn't mean that I do it. Some days I can't get dressed but that's okay too. This is all that we can do. Losing someone is the worst thing in the world to experience. I think we just have to try and get through each day the best that we can.
For me, I needed to start making more committments and following through with them for my husband and for myself. Everyone has to do what is right for them and don't let anyone tell you what to do. You have to do things when you are ready. I am here for you if you need to talk and share. Please know that you are not alone, we are all in this together and somehow, someway we will all get through for all loved ones. ----Journal writing has always been very soothing to my soul. For years I would start journals and never once finish writing in one. From the day that my husband got sick, I journaled daily and I filled up 3 books. I continue doing that now and I feel close to him. Maybe you would find some peace in writing. Whatever works for you is what you have to do. Try to find things that help soothe your soul a bit, even if it's only for a few minutes. It's important for you Connie.
We are here for you at this extremely emotional and difficult time.
-Julie

Comment by Byron Eugene Jordan on August 6, 2010 at 3:37pm

First of let me say something in regards to this forum. When I get an email about someone then try to respong to it. I no longer see or know where the posters comments are. And I have notice that there seems to be very little communication.
But enough of that someone posted about there father and cancer. Well I would like to say to the poster I am sorry to hear about your father. And I know fear,heartbreak, and being lossed is running at you at once. Well first all I pray that you don't feel that you will be ready for the out come. That is the best lie someone can buy into. One thing you can do is spend as much time with your dad. Tell him over and over again how much you love him. And how proud you are to be his daughter. Now if your are with him when the lord comes great. Help him walk to the lord and just be ready to let him go. But you must know that you will be with him again. Meanwhile talk how you feel because the hurt and pain your dealing with now is out of this world I know this well. But I don't know how you really feel and nobody knows that but you. Meanwhile I will pray for you. Also I am sorry that I cannot remember your name or my email link did not direct me to you.

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