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Comment by K.T on January 3, 2012 at 2:26am

Barbara - I can also relate. My Mum had a heart attack on January 1st last year which lead to her diagnosis and she passed away straight after my birthday in April. The next few months I can tell will be difficult. Full of bad, painful memories and 1 year anniversaries of operations and treatments and bad news after bad news. I'm just waiting for the 1 year mark to be over as I somehow feel things might start to get a bit easier then. Here's hoping!

I hope your daily life isn't too painful and you also manage to get through these months. I'm here if ever you feel like you need to talk - sometimes you need a stranger to pour your heart out to.. Kelly.

Comment by Laura Salefski on January 2, 2012 at 10:44pm

Barbara, I know just how you feel. A very good friend of mine told me New Years Day it was time to move on. It has been 13 months. I wanted to scream at her that when she lost her husband then she could decide when it is time to move on. People who have not been in our circumstance have no clue what it is like.

I wish you well returning to life as it has become. I know how difficult it is. Hugs, Laura

Comment by Barbara Sutton on January 2, 2012 at 10:04pm

Hi all and for the value of words, Happy New Year. As I sit this evening and ponder the whirlwind of 2011, I find it all a blurr. Knowing today that this would be the beginning of losing my husband within 4 months, I dread this first year and I can not believe how fast it is upon me. On Feb 1 it will be one year since his diagnosis.

I still have the huge urge to talk about his path to death, and yet find it so difficult to bring myself to talk about it.

I find it funny now that time has passed how everyone still says if I need to talk to just call, but when I do, asked how I am doing, the conversation is brief and the subject is quickly changed. So now only after 8 short months of his passing, I find myself really alone and don't know how to cope with everyone else moving on and me being still broken hearted. The crash of the Holidays I fear will be hard for me. Just came home from 2 weeks vacation with my 1 year old grandson and daughter. Back to work tomorrow with lots of lonesome nights. Thanks much to all for allowing me to blog...Bless you and keep you all in peace. Barb

 

 

Comment by Laura Salefski on January 1, 2012 at 2:59am

Well it's another new year. A new year without Jon. A new year that I wasn't able to sPending with my sister and her family. She did post on FaceBook that she was off to pick uP the traditional New Years Eve meal. Chinese Food. She also toasted Jon in her post. Thanks Mary. He always loved going to Canada for the holidays. He loved all the traditions we made as a family. He always participated in the Polar Bear Plunge in Lake Ontario New Years Day to support World Vision. Last year my nephew did it in honor of "Big Jon". This year the plunge will go on without us. Just like my life going on without Jon, not the way I want it, but the way it was planned. I just wish I understood the plan.

Comment by Cristina Garcia on January 1, 2012 at 1:16am

Happy New Year to each of you. Wishing you many blessings in 2012. May we find comfort in our family and friends and the memories of our dearly departed. Tonight was especially hard for many of us. The start of another year without someone special we miss terribly. For me, it was both my parents especially mom. She loved New Years. A few years after dad passed, she started a tradition of playing Loteria (bingo) to pass the time. Everyone would bring wrapped gifts for prizes, some were gag gifts just for laughs. We always invited our elderly neighbors who have also passed away. Many great memories. My youngest nephew was adamant that we continue the tradition. He's only 8 & realized the importance. It was never about the game but rather a way for mom to keep us all together enjoying each others company. Each year we also always took a family picture. No one wanted to last year and now this year everyone has gone home and no one remembered the group picture. Feels like we've let mom down. Another year to miss her and dad. Hoping 2012 is better. I know it will never be the same without them but resolving to try to make each day count in any small way.

Comment by anna l. on December 31, 2011 at 7:42pm

I have had plenty of time to think of what I would do with just one more day with my husband Tom.  I know the answer by heart, in my heart.  I would wrap a blanket around the two of us and just have him hold me one more time.  Feel his heart beat strong under my cheek.  Smell the smell that was his alone and ask him to talk to me, about anything, just to hear his voice. 

Sometimes I dream of him and that is my dream.  I dont know if it is him coming to me in the dream or wishful thinking on my part that creates the dream but it is always the same and I love it and hate it both equally.  I love to be with him even in a dream, and I hate waking up to the knowledge it was only a dream.

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on December 31, 2011 at 7:22pm

Don died on Nov. 12, 2010.  His father died on Thanksgiving day, 2010 - two weeks after Don died.  The first year is hard, of course; I don't know if it's harder than years to come or not because I haven't been there.  But my mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and she's always been my rock, one of my best friends and I am so grateful for the relationship we've had.  My dad was just put on Hospice care; the main reason was because of an infection in his leg (cellulitis) and he refused to stay in the hospital but needed i.v. antibiotics.  As you can imagine this (with my parents - my mom is 86 and my dad is 96, and they have been married for 68 years...!) has been very triggering for me.  It's hard to watch my mom decline mentally, but I've been watching it for several months; it took a while to get her to a doctor and get her checked out to confirm what I already suspected.  My dad was he one who remembered the dates and medications and such things for this past year.  Now he has been diagnosed with "Delusional dementia" because he hallucinates and he's having episodes of extreme anger and belligerence.  My mom told me today he is sleeping a lot - more than normal for him.  I think it means he is declining rapidly.  My brother told me he just talked to him yesterday and he sounded "fine; he was joking and was right on point" but I live here and see them more often; my dad was slurring his speech the other day and not making sense.  How do you know when it's medication or brain damage?  There was a mix up about his medications with Hospice between the hospice doctor and the nurse; after having had experience with hospice with Don, my feeling was that we need to check out the miscommunication and if we need to make a change, we need to do it now, but to my brothers, I'm just the "little sister" (even though I have a Master's degree in psychology and I'm almost 60 years old!) and I'm "making waves."  It's very frustrating trying to do one thing for your parents when you gut is telling you to, and no one will listen.  It's even more frustrating when your loved one's doctor won't listen.  

I guess I'm just venting.  This is New Year's Eve.  If Don were here, we would have feasted on chicken wings, stuffed mushroom and cold shrimp with champaign, then made love and then watched a movie or t.v., and gone to bed after that, usually before midnight.  That was our New Year's routine. But this morning I went to the animal shelter and adopted a dog.  Her family had to surrender her because they moved and couldn't keep her.  They only had her for 6 months.  It's very sad.  She's very sweet, cuddly and right now is sleeping at my feet.  But she keeps wanting to go back in the car and go "home."  She doesn't know yet that this is home.  But I have a new companion in my life to love, and I know she will give back lots of love, too.  

I know this is a terrible time for all of us on this list, and I wish none of us needed to be here - I wish this list didn't exist because that would mean no one needed it.  But in spite of all that, I do want to say - I hope the coming year is better for all, and that we all get what we need.  Take care.

Comment by michael sandoval on December 31, 2011 at 6:20pm

the best thing about this year has been... my therapy and therapist.  Yayy Dr. Inna.

Comment by Melissa Broome on December 31, 2011 at 3:59am

Laura,

I often lay awake at night and think of things I would have done differently. I knew my mom was going to die..and soon but something would not let me fully grasp it.

There's so many things I would have said to her now that I have had almost 9 months to think about it. But during the time she faded so fast all I could muster up to say was. Mom I'll be o.k. It's alright. That killed me to even utter that. I think it was to hard for the both of us to have any sort of talks about her dying. But now I wonder what was going through her head. I know she knew she was dying. I know she didn't want to..Even though she was in so much pain she still didn't want to leave us. :( If I had one more day with my mom I would hug her...and just listen to her talk..watch her with my kids and just soak it all in. I would ask her personal questions that I never talked to her about. Because I thought I had more time. I have learned not to take time for granted any longer, we just never know.

Hugs,

Melissa

Comment by Laura Salefski on December 30, 2011 at 11:59pm

If I had one more day with Jon, what would I do? I know what I wouldn't do, but am not sure of what I would do. I would be happy nestled in his arms, but he would want to be active. I would say silly things just to hear his laugh. What I wouldn't give to be pulling in the driveway and hearing him yell "go Bears". I would happily sit and watch football with him, even though I don't like it. I would lie awake all night listening to him snore and not shove him a little so he would change positions. I wouldn't complain that his dirty socks are lying on the floor beside the hamper. All those little things that used to irritate me, I'd gladly put up with them for one more day, or 100 more days.

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