Comment

Comment by anna l. on January 23, 2012 at 2:25pm

Joni, I am so sorry for the pain you are in now.  I am here for the very same reason as you.  My husband was diagnosed on April 21 at 11pm with cancer.  By May we knew it was stage 4 melanoma, and he was gone at 5am on July 1st.  It was like riding a runaway train, no way for anyones brain to get used to one thing before something else knocked the wind out.  Again I am so incredibly sorry.  You have found a wonderful place to share, vent, cry, scream, sit quietly, or anything else that comes up and someone will be here to listen, to understand.  Hugs

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on January 23, 2012 at 1:26pm

Mercy , I think what you said is so true, and so well said.

Comment by mercy on January 23, 2012 at 1:14pm

Joni, my sincere condolences to you. I’ve not lost a spouse but I can imagine how hard it is for you. The shock is normal and there are many stages you’ll go through. I’ve lost three siblings and both parents even though I’m not forty yet. I’ve been through grief but every time; it feels like am doing it for the first time. Your husband did everything he could have done and don’t ever feel like you failed him. I go through the what ifs with every death in my family. The one positive thing that came out of you sharing with us is that even if our loved ones had had tests done or taken preventive measures, life and death is out of our hands. This place is a safe place with caring people who understand every emotion you’re experiencing. Words fail me when I try to comfort someone on this board; there are really n words that I can think of except to tell you I’m so very sorry for your loss.

Mercy

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on January 23, 2012 at 12:26pm

Oh. Joni.  I'm so sorry.  It was way too fast; you should have grow old together.  We - all of us here - should have grown old together.  And I think no matter how fast or how slowly this vile disease takes someone is too fast.  

And Michael, no it isn't fair.  It just plain sucks. SUCKS, SICKS, SUCKS.  

Comment by joni on January 23, 2012 at 12:03pm

hi my name is joni and my husband died the day after christmas a month ago...it was stage 4 lung cancer and happend sooo quick im still in shock...he was healthy..went to the doctor regularly (every 3mos.) and actually had a special cancer test done once a year to looks for certain cancers...from the time he was diagnosed, oct 22 to his death on dec 26...i just cant beleive it...he was my life ...everything i did was for him , we were consumed with each other...am soooo lost, really dont know what to do without him....and on top of the grief and everything else.... his adult children and ex wife are threating me , wanting to take everything we've worked for together...breaks my heart because he would be appalled at the behavior....well enough from me for now...thanks for letting me vent.... hugs and blessings to all

Comment by anna l. on January 22, 2012 at 1:07am

No Michael it is not fair.  It is horrible.  It is unjust.  It makes no sense what-so-ever.  Cancer is anything but fair.  It snuck up on my husband too and in 2 short months he went from strong as an ox, working 14 hour days to just gone.  It has been 6 months since he left us and every day, a million times a day I scream similiar things into the quiet of my empty house.  IT'S NOT FAIR.  WHY?  HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO HIM, TO US?  There is never an aswer.  Michael Im so sorry you are hurting for the same reasons as I am.  It is a hard thing..  Hugs

Comment by michael sandoval on January 21, 2012 at 9:33pm

it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair. it's not fair.

it's not fair to my baby,

Comment by mercy on January 10, 2012 at 7:17pm

Donna, am so sorry! that must be so, so hard. Three months is a very short time. I pray that the Lord of all comfort be with you. Its a long, hard road but we are here for me. You can write me anytime.

God Bless.

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on January 9, 2012 at 11:13pm

Dear Anna and Barb -

What you said - amen!  And thank you.  I honestly don't know how long my dad will hang in there. Maybe it's just a feeling I have; maybe I'm completely off, but it just feels like he's ready to go, and he's refusing his medication because its the only thing he can still control.

Take care. And Thank You.

Comment by Barbara Sutton on January 9, 2012 at 10:45pm

Thanks all for your comments. I find it amazing how when someone dies, all of the sudden flocks of people, particularly family show up. I lost my father to scirosis of the liver in 1999, poor man died with a lot of money in the bank which his wife of 6 month sucked every dime (this money was from his wife's life insurance account who had died almost a year before my dad), moved all his valuables to her son's house while he was still alive, and never once said she was sorry. My own brothers could not call me often enough, but to ask if the check had arrived, not how ya doin sis? The money that was left to us was a mere 4 thousand per child, I even had a step bother who was to inherit. Sadly I found out he died about 5 years ago with no phone call from anyone. Anyhow. I found that when Jim was so sick, his sister came out to be with him and brought her good for nothing son. The first thing out of their mouth's was what was I going to do with Jim's guns? They kept hammering me for the combo to the safe. Thank God Jim's other nephew was here (he lives with me) to have them back off by saying we didn't have the combo. Now I've never met Jim's father, he died way back in 1981, but as sure as I sit here, and after the bullcrap that came up today... they will not see one of his father's guns. I'll hawk them first. Bunch of ungrateful people that are so selfish in the moment, that they have no consideration for those of us left to deal with the fallout of such a mess as death. And yes, those In-laws are the worst. Amazing how they know it all and have planned it as though they sat in wait planning and plotting their next move.

 Oh Lord am I in a mood tonight! Cynthia, I don't know if it is right or wrong, but that is why I keep to myself as hard as it is, I think it's best to just go through the motions so people won't feel so inclined to tell me what and where I should be.

 

Much love and lots of huggs.... Barb

 

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