Comment

Comment by anna l. on February 2, 2012 at 2:24pm

Congratulation Cynthia on raising such a strong inspiring young lady as your Betsy sounds to be!  You have every right to be a proud Momma!  You speak of your husbands fight with cancer and it makes me think of my husbands journey and am actually glad he only knew about it for 2 months.  I dont know how I would have bared to see him suffer any longer than that cruel 2 months.  I have spoken to 2 other doctors about my husbands situation and they both agree, if we would have known he had melanoma spreading out from the original mole 3 years ago he would have undergone chemo, radiation and trial drugs.  He would have been sick.  His thinking and memory would have been off.  He wouldnt have been able to work at his job that he loved and that 1000s of people depended on him to keep them safe.  He wouldnt have been able to spend the kind of quality time he did with his grandkids just spur of the moment stuff and he most likely still would have died last year.  The type of melanoma he had was at the top of the list of most aggressive, hardest to cure: nodular melanoma.  So I am conflicted.  I wish like heck we could have known and had a chance to cure him, and I am grateful as can be that he didnt suffer any more than he did.  I pray every day that God gives our scientists the answer to this horrible plague called cancer so no other family has to endure what we have.  Hugs to all my new friends and I hope you have a  calm day.

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on February 2, 2012 at 1:52pm

Betsy - My daughter just got her master's in Music Therapy!  And my husband would be sooo proud; but wherever he is, I know he IS proud of her.  And she also got married last summer without him; that was a very bittersweet day for all of us.  Don died on Nov. 12, 2010.  I miss him every day, and I always will.  He had rectal cancer that appeared to be "inactive"; not growing or spreading, and suddenly overnight it just went wham and invaded all of organs, bone marrow - most importantly his liver and lastly, his brain but only at the very end was he not always lucid.  The dreams can be torture.  I find when I've dreamt about him, at least for me, I usually wake up feeling like he was here with me.  It doesn't take away the pain of the loss, but somehow it comforts me.  I know he's been here when I've been wide awake; just some strange things going on that were unusual.  But one night the dog got very, very spooked, wouldn't leave my side and even had to go in the bathroom with me and hid behind the toilet; so I know he was here.  And I know he would want me to go on.  I am an MFT; I still haven't gone back to work, and I don't know if I want to.  But your message touched me and I had to reply.

Comment by Betsy Arnold on February 2, 2012 at 1:23pm

I'm really, really missing my husband. I've had dreams about him almost every night for the last two weeks. I've been going through some life changing issues, and I know that he is in my dreams to probably encourage and support me to get through it all, and it is wonderful to see him in my dreams, but when I wake up and know he is not in bed beside me, the painful reality is there. He's gone and not coming back. He's been gone for a little over two years now. He was 43 and too young. Cancer took him, and a big part of me died when he did. I want very much to continue his legacy of love and always helping others. I'm doing that now as I move forward into the next step to becoming a professional music therapist. I hate that he isn't here as I am taking these new, frightening yet exciting steps. The dreams are torture.

Comment by mercy on January 26, 2012 at 6:51pm

Ron and Jan, your stories of the love you shared with your wives are so inspiring. My heart breaks for you that their lives were cut short by this evil menace of society. I hate cancer! Cancer feels like the devil in disguise to me. When mom got cancer, we all got cancer; we were suffering along with her. I actually had pains in my esophagus quite often. I hate to think how much pain she was in; she was so protective of us all. She refused to talk about her eventual death since she knew how hard it would be on all of us. She took my soul with her. I’m just a body, walking without a soul.

 

Comment by Sue Waxman on January 26, 2012 at 1:22pm

Ron,

I have the answer to your question. You will be reunited with anyone and everyone that YOU choose to be reunited with. You can have several loves in your life, but it is soley up to you. When leave this world and go to the next...God will not judge you..you will be asked to judge yourself. You will be the one who critiques the way you have lived your life and you will be the one who hands down any consequences to yourself. No one goes to the next world without some type of burden on their heart. You will have to reveiw your life and answer for some of the decisions you made and why you made them. The next world there are different levels. If you have made every effort in your present life to be the kindest, honest and most loving person...you will be given more wonderment than someone who has been rotten, mean and ugly. If your wife was married before, she can have any type of relationship with this man she chooses. And I bet it will be YOU! Please start reading and looking for answers to where we go when we depart this place. There are amazing answers that will give you hope. Our loved ones are still "alive" they are just somewhere else waiting for us to join them. We have to be the best people we can possibly be until the day comes for us to journey to the next place. Ask yourself...am I prepared to judge myself. And will I be proud of who I am? Sue

Comment by Ron on January 26, 2012 at 12:56pm

Their is one thing that really bothers me. My wifes first husband died of a heart  attack at age 42. My question is.  Will my wife be there to meet  me when my time to leave here or will she be gone with her first love? Can someone give me some thoughts on this?

Comment by michael sandoval on January 26, 2012 at 12:51pm

agreed

Comment by Jan Duvenage on January 26, 2012 at 12:42pm

My wife was diagnosed in April 2008 with pancreatic cancer and given six months to live. It breaks you in every possible way as a man that you are hopeless and powerless against a treacherous criminal which is cancer. Margi was my life, my inspiration to allways do my best and be by her side. Two years later on April 19, 2010 she lost her battle and the criminal which is cancer got away with another life. To watch a strong woman like her face her fears and never once speak of death becuase she didn;t want to upset us really hit hard and fast. Holding her in my arms at night and telling her i loved her seemed so little but she never broached the subject. Some mornings waking up at 3 o'clock and then rushing her through to the hospital for treatment made me realise just how much i really cared and loved her and i would do this for the rest of my life if i can just have her back with me, it would be unfair of me because the pain she suffered was not something i would wish on anyone and it really took the spirit out of her. I wanted to and kept on believing that she was going to be with me for ever and even on the last night i was with her just hours before she passed i did not want to believe that this may be the last time i would see her! She had outlived the period the doctors initially gave her by 16 months and that's what made it difficult to accept that she was going, but just a week earlier a new doctor told me that the cancer had become very aggresive and that she has limited time left. Even now i still cant grasp it that she is gone, it is now nearly 2 years later and i miss her more than ever. Love is not just an emotion it is a spiritual chain that binds two kindred spirits forever.

Comment by Ron on January 26, 2012 at 11:49am

All i can say it will follow me the rest oh my life.One day when i was feeling really bad  Jean says to me You will be alright.You will find someone new to do things with. I said to her are you nuts? I then said if i were would you find someone else? She says well no. I said then why would you think i would? She says because i would want you to be happy.So i said you are my soul mate  forever, enough said. Jean said no more about it. She knew how much i loved her.

Comment by michael sandoval on January 26, 2012 at 10:25am

Dear everyone and Ron,

It is very hard to watch your wife struggle and pass away.  I still deal with it every day.

Love,

Mike

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