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Comment by Ron on February 12, 2012 at 10:41am

I know what you are talking about .I am a widower and i also get them.I wish they would just leave me alone.Their will never be another woman in my life. I will wait for my time here ends and maybe God will reunite me with my soul mate.

Comment by Laura Salefski on February 12, 2012 at 10:21am

I want to know how all these singles sites know that I am now a widow. I am not interested in any "gift" Dennis has sent me. I don't care that there are any mumber of single guys in cyber space who want to " meet" me. I am now, and forever will be Jon's wife. I miss him so much, and all these stupid emails make me angry and sad.

Sorry to post such an angry comment, but I think you all will understand. Laura

Comment by anna l. on February 12, 2012 at 12:06am

I got one of those phone calls again last weekend.  Actually one of the 11 year old grandsons answered the phone and with a very blank face handed me the phone.  I had to say those words, that was my husband and he passed away in July.  We all had a good cry after that one too.  I hate those stupid phone calls!

Im all for showing our children real emotions and leading by example. Im a preschool teacher.  lol, but if I hadnt gotten upset, he wouldnt have gotten sad, and I have guilt issues from old old baggage.  He was fine way before I will be fine with it.  Kids are so resiliant, I want to borrow some of it.  IF Tom had a favorite grandson this, the youngest one was it.  Tom was the emergency coordinator for our town.  One of his jobs was to watch the river for signs of flooding and all that goes with that.  The youngest was very interested in the river predictions and how the dam was used to balance the lake, ranch irrigation, and runoff.  Tom showed him how to check the height and flow online and nicknamed him Deputy Brody.    Off topic a little but it just popped in my head....  Toms last day out doing what he loved was in June, this kids mom picked Tom up and took him to check on the sandbagging operation.  He couldnt get out of the truck but he was there.  After they left the river, he asked her to drive up to the look-out above town.  She did.  They parked up there for a few minutes.  He looked out over it all and said to her, "It sure is pretty".  And with that I have to stop since the tears make it difficult ot see the screen.  

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on February 11, 2012 at 11:34pm

Anna- I am so sorry.  This is so hard; just this morning I got a call asking to speak with my husband - it was a solicitation for a donation, but having to say "he deceased" even after over a year is still hard.  It's hard taking care of the insurance and all the "business" when we lose someone.  And it's hard if you have to try to hold it together for a child; I am a therapist, and I've always told people it's okay for kids to see you cry; it makes it okay for them to cry.  We just say "Grandma's sad right now, and when I'm sad, I cry.  it's okay to cry."  He'll get the message; kids pick up on so much more than we give them credit for.  I know the health care system in Canada can be difficult; I don't know if it's any better here.  If you have money, you get treatment.  If you don't, you go on a waiting list... unless you're an illegal alien, then you seem to get all the benefits without any of the responsibilities... like taxes... oh well.  That's a whole different tirade!  

Hang in there.  I will still hold out hope for your grandson and your whole family.  

Comment by anna l. on February 11, 2012 at 6:34pm

Thanks Cynthia for your encouraging words and the prayers.  I did call my granddaughter last night and we talked while she partied with her friends and her mom.  It was bitter sweet.  The grandson who is ill is her brother.  Because he is young he needs a childrens hospital and a pediatric surgeon.  They are on waiting lists in 2 provinces but still waiting to hear anything.  At this point the doctors believe it is not cancer but will only know 100 percent when the can biopsy it. 

Yesterday must have been a hard one for you too.  Its good to know you have friends that helped make it bearable.  It seems not all of us here have that and it must make everything so much harder.  Im glad for me that I have good friends and family that I can count on too.  But there is nothing like just being able to come here, say what I want, cry if it happens while Im putting thoughts out there, and not one worry about how my tears might make those I love hurt more too.  I had to deal with some stuff today at the insurance and my youngest grandson and his mom were with me.  I broke down when they asked for the plates off my husbands truck.  My grandson saw that and then he had tears too.  So I had to suck it up really fast and hug him and try to explain it would ok. 

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on February 11, 2012 at 11:48am

Anna - you are not alone and your "problems" are not a "drop in the bucket."  You matter and you are no less than any one of us who has been struck with the loss of someone one we love.  I am so sorry about your grandson.  I can only hold good thoughts for your family and hope he gets moved to the top of the list asap.  Is it possible for your family to try another surgeon, or another hospital?  Perhaps one that is a cancer treatment center?  I  realize not everyone has the ability to relocate or the resources to search out other doctors, and it sucks.  Sorry about the use of the word - I know some find it offensive, but it's such a good word for these situations.  If you can't be with your granddaughter, call her and how can she not understand?  I'm sure she won't hold it against you.  I just want you to know you are not alone, at least in spirit, and I will hold you and your family in my thoughts.  I would pray for you, but I'm not one who prays... 

Yesterday would have been Don and mine's 33 wedding anniversary.  Last night I went to a game night with a group of women I socialize with; I didn't want to be home alone.  He would have wanted me to be out having fun and laughing and not staying at home alone moping.  I didn't miss him any less.  He is still always with me in my heart, even tho there is still a huge hole where he should be.  Does make any sense at all?

Take care and hang in there.

Comment by anna l. on February 11, 2012 at 2:05am

Today was just a very bad day.  It didnt matter what I was doing, who I was talking to the tears just burst forth.  So many things just feel so wrong.  How can it be Valentines day when my love is gone.  My grandson who has this mass growing in his head has still not made it to the top of the waiting list for surgery.  My granddaughter is turning 21 tomorrow and without Tom here to drive us I cant get to where she is.  I could take the bus, but I have pets that arent allowed on the bus.  My daughter is having financial problems still from when she missed so much work last year staying with us to help take care of her dad, and without her dads paycheck I can no longer help out.  I know compared to others here my problems today are just a drop in the bucket.  I just miss my husband so much, I need him, our family needs him.  Cancer.  such a little word for such a world of hurt.

 

Comment by michael sandoval on February 5, 2012 at 3:56pm

Ron, I believe on the spiritual platform we are not limited the way we are on the material platform.  we are very limited while in this material body, but when we are spiritual, we are much more free and there are far less limits to what we feel and how we act.  so we may be able to travel and love and meet with many simultaneously, unlike what we do here.

Comment by mercy on February 5, 2012 at 3:20pm

Hi Cynthia and everyone else. I’m just amazed at how strong and giving you are. God blessed you with a wonderful husband and you really deserved him. I was sorry to hear about your dads passing. I remember just over six weeks ago, you were telling me that he was refusing to take his water pills. I lost my dad at 21; it felt like the rug had been pulled from underneath me. I was out of the country when he died and home never felt the same again. I also hurt so badly knowing my mom was left to deal with the challenges of life alone. How is your mom? I’m sorry that you are dealing with so much tragedy.

Mercy

 

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on February 2, 2012 at 7:59pm

Hi, Anna.  Just one correction: Betsy is not my daughter; Betsy is on this list!  My daughter who is a Music Therapist is named Sarah.  But as far as your husband's melanoma, I'm so sorry.  Yes, grateful he didn't suffer longer than he had to.  My husband had Crohn's Disease for over 30 years; he suffered more with that then he did from the cancer or the treatment.  I'd give anything to have him back, whole and not suffering, of course, and I am glad he is no longer having to deal with the pain he was so used to living with.  He was amazing; his doctor told him he one of the worse cases of Crohn's he had seen, but somehow Don just kept on going and going; kind of like the energizer bunny; he never quit work, he never made excuses; he just accepted that it was his to deal with.  He was amazing in so many ways, but mostly, the way he loved me and our daughters.  I can't remember him ever once raising his voice to our girls.  We always worked out our differences.  He was the most loving, giving man I've ever known.  Anyway thank you for your kind words.

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