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Comment by Sue Waxman on February 27, 2012 at 10:00am

Yes...Barbara...Sundays are tough for me too. I am on a great antidepressent called Effexor. I would highly recommend the same for anyone needing help. Let's get get through this day ....Sue

 

Comment by Barbara Sutton on February 26, 2012 at 10:46pm

Sigh....Sunday sure does stink this week. I just came home from spending the week with my daughter and grandson. They bring such joy. The 4 hour ride home though was quite tearful this week. I have a lot on my plate. I went to see some old friends and that was something I dreaded. It was a large group I used to work with and a birthday party for my dear girlfriend of 27 years but I made it through. Lots of hugs and akwardness but I just said to all who hugged me, no worries, there are no words, your hugs are enough said. My fear is that I will cry if I talk about it so it went well. I am contenplating meds myself. I have a sleeping pill but coming up on the year anniversary of my husband's passing, I am filled with alot anxiety. I was trying to recall what I did a year ago this time and for the life of me I can not recall. I also lost my watch at my daughters that my husband bought for me our last christmas and I am just devistated. I think that is why I cried so hard. I kept looking for the time on my way home. Ugh...Is there a bright side? Well I have to keep remembering that I now have a grandson who is such sunshine and a daughter who is a pain in my a$$ but I love her with all my heart and she loves me. I do have a sister in law that is also close to my heart and I am thankful for that. My mother has been a great support also, wanting to fix everything but knows she can't. I am thankful that I do have a huge network of friends and family that do love me. It just does not take away the hurt when I'm home alone. I will send you all who are hurting like me love and strength through prayers and hope that we will survive the pain.....

Comment by michael sandoval on February 26, 2012 at 3:16pm

Dear Sue,

I've also been pretty sad lately.  My job selling workout videos gets me down sometimes when i am reminded about Denise and how she also bought a workout video to lose weight.  I was talking to my therapist about it at my last session.  She said she wanted to "roll play" and she pretended to be a caller ordering a video.  She said she wanted to lose 50 pounds and then acted like an angry customer.  I immediately started crying.  She reccommended i go back on medication.  

Comment by Sue Waxman on February 26, 2012 at 12:54pm

Hello Friends,

Sunday...I call it the lonelist day. The day most families are together maybe sharing a meal, a movie...anything. I've been pretty sad lately. I cried for the first time in awhile the other night just thinking about how my sisters care so little about me they just couldn't put the effort in to be a familu until after mother left this world. I thought about dating again but somedays it sounds good and others I say "why"? My life is just simple and fairly uncomplicated right now. I met a guy on a dating site, we have spoken on the phone once, he had a malignant kidney removed several years ago. I couldn't even go there. My friends are like - it's just a date Sue! I don't even know how to date. And I started looking at my body in the mirror and had a panic attack about someone seeing me naked!!! Then my mind went to...would I have the right clothes to date?  Then it went even further...is my house nice enough for me to have someone over? Then finally....I have to say....what if he is allergic to cats???? I have four! My friend Lucinda told me that this time around it is about ME finding what I want. Not me being good enough for someone else. I so miss my mother on Sundays. Lonely Sundays....

Love you guys! Sue

Comment by Philip B. on February 24, 2012 at 7:10pm

I know that people who ask me "how are you doing" really do mean well and probably really want to know.   I don't think they understand that there have been other people who have asked that question multiple times during the past few days.   It's something akin to picking at a sore over and over again.   It friggin hurts.

I'm thinking perhaps some sort of sandwich board that I could wear with line items that read something like:

tears:   Y  N  You betcha

anxiety:  Y N You betcha

sleeplessness:   Y N You betcha

bitterness:   Y N You betcha

meltdowns:   Y N You betcha

volatility level:  Y N You betcha

If it were some sort of white board and erasable markers, I could just circle the appropriate box, people could read today's "grief forecast"  and eliminate some of the awkwardness.

I apologize if some of you take offense to my making light of the situation.  I'm really not trying to do that - I'm just trying to deal with the emotion on my side of the equation and the awkwardness that I know my friends are surely feeling - they feel they NEED to ask the question but are terrified of the potential answers  I might provide?   I don't know.   Maybe I'm just losing what little I had left of my mind.

Comment by Philip B. on February 24, 2012 at 6:59pm

Dear Laura:   I know exactly what you mean about going out to eat.    I take my ipad so I have something to do and so I don't end up trying not to stare at happy couples enjoying their dinner.  

My three hairy children (aka dogs) help to take up the space in my empty bed, but even their early morning kisses are really just warnings that they have to pee!!

Comment by michael sandoval on February 24, 2012 at 4:15pm

me too Laura

Comment by Laura Salefski on February 24, 2012 at 12:17am

Ron, I know exactly how you feel. When Jon, my husband was sick and people would ask what kind of cancer he had I would tell them melanoma. Their response would be " oh, that's JUST skin cancer". I wanted to scream. After he died and too this very day people will ask, "Are you doing okay?" I really want to say no, that just skin cancer robbed me of growing old with my husband, I now sleep in a bed that fitted the two of us, all alone. I go out to eat and am painfully reminded of how alone I am. Just by watching the happy couples enjoying dinner together. So am I okay, HE'LL NO! I will never again be okay.

Comment by Ron on February 23, 2012 at 11:18pm

I for one am getting sick of hearing people say to me, how is it going.I have now come to telling them not worth a shit. And if they don't like it  just bug off. How in hell do they think i feel .Good Lord  I just lost my wife . I don't care what anyone says unless they have been there they don't  know what the hell it is like. It is not something i am happy with. I miss my wife,and i sure as hell don't neet someone asking me how i feel or the other big one how ARE YOU DOING.Cause like i said not worth a shit.

Comment by mercy on February 23, 2012 at 7:41pm

Terry my mom died of the same horrible cancer that took your dad. It was horrible to watch the toll it took on her. My sadness and grief are unrellenting. I have to take the most powerful sadatives just to get four hours of sleep a night. When I wake up, I relive her suffering all over again; its a neverending nightmare

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