Comment

Comment by Barbara Sutton on March 13, 2012 at 8:48pm

Hi Shawna, I just read your post. I sit home alone most every night. I go visit my daughter and grandson every other weekend which fills my heart but sends me home in tears from all the lonliness. I've only been going through this not quite a year. I too sit alone and look at pictures, don't have a social life other than work, and feel so lonesome but I am not at a place where another man in my life is an option. I also found myself not talking about Jim any more because I don't want to burden or tire anyone from listening to my heartache so I just come on here where we can do it freely.  Your children I believe should come first. When they've grown to a comfortable age, and you will know when, maybe then you will be ready, but until then, just grieve the best way only you know how to. I know that I am not crying daily, so if that is what better is, then so be it but whan you and I had with our love, no one can judge or assume so just be you and don't worry about those who judge. Their life has gone on..... ours stands still in those moments of aloneness...which they do not understand. Forgive them.

 

Comment by Shawna Shuler on March 13, 2012 at 8:16pm

It has been a long time since Ive been on here, it's been a little over a year since I lost my fiance to lung cancer and to this day it doesnt seem the pain or emptiness gets any better.  I have tried so many ways not to deal with losing him I have become almost a hermit in my home with our kids I hate to leave it even for a little while.  More than anything I just hate dealing with people and things I just like sitting alone with my kids and talking about their dad or looking at the videos and pictures.  To me it still doesnt seem real family says because I have not allowed myself to grieve. People have started gettin tired of  hearing me talk about Jerry but he was the love of my life and all that I had aside from our kids.  He and I were always together there was never a time really that we were apart even before he got sick.  He was my best friend and my soul mate and now I feel lost I second guess everything I do and I find myself always talkin to his pictures and feeling guilty if I do something with anyone else.  Im angry he left me to take care of the kids on my own and I just dont know how to deal with it all and Im tired of people saying it will get better because as I said its been over a year now and nothin feels any different or easlier

Comment by anna l. on March 12, 2012 at 1:07am

Anger is raising its ugly head in my life again.  I used to happily give to the cancer fundraisers. I never said no to their booths, the canvasers, I bought daffodils every year.  Im sure all of you did the same.  But this year Im feeling so angry, and almost defiant.  It just makes me so angry that it didnt save my Tom.  Why????  I dont want any other family to go through what ours did, but I cant shake the anger every time I see or hear anything about the cancer walks, or donation jars.  And I am not an angry person so Im angry at cancer for making me into an angry person too.  Ugggggggg, I HATE that word, Cancer!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Philip B. on March 11, 2012 at 5:00pm

Hello everyone.  I was just telling my sister-in-law the other day that Sundays are the hardest day for me to get through without crying.

I decided I wasn't going to let cancer take away my Sundays like they took my Gary.

For a couple of weeks now, I've purposely left Sundays open to get out and go do something.   Anything.  It could be going to a museum or a concert or a movie.

Today, we had a huge book fair on the campus of UofA here in Tucson.  It took me the better part of two hours to walk the entire thing.

But I didn't get through completely unscathed.   Right at the end of the display tents was a table for.......guess what...... the American Cancer Society.  I couldn't stop the tears from coming, so I just let them pour out.  

After a couple of minutes, I was able to gain some composure so I could finish out the fair and walk back to the car.

It was still a beautiful day and I tried to concentrate on that and just enjoy it as if he were still with me.  But, he isn't.

Comment by joni on March 11, 2012 at 11:17am

hi everybody...am so relating to all the comments...sundays are so empty as that was our day to do stuff or just be together...went for a drive yesterday and just cried and cried on the way back home...however there appeared a huge rainbow as i was coming around a curve...i actually stopped got out and took a picture of it...i beleive it was God assuring me everything will be ok...eventually.   am going to try and find and do one good thing today... am hoping God will send you all some comfort today...huggggsssss and prayers to all of you

Comment by Barbara Sutton on March 11, 2012 at 10:25am

Morning Sue, weekend are rough period. These are the days we would spend together inseprable. In the beginning of our relationship, Jim would drive 260 miles to be with me so for 12 years thats how we would be together. After I moved in with him, 4 years ago, nothing changed. Even though we were together 7 days a week, there was no separating us. We were such best friends and loved eachother like never before.I cried in the shower yesterday, a good hard cry. I'm so drained today but I know I will survive. It feels like a no-air day for me, hard to breathe. There is a song called No Air by Jordan Sparks, if you get the chance, grab a tissue and do a search for it on Youtube. It really speaks millions to me. Just when I think the huge hurt is gone, here it comes again. Hang in there girl. Love, Barb 

Comment by Sue Waxman on March 11, 2012 at 9:14am

Sundays are heartbreaking for me. It is the day I feel so completely alone. I wake up with such a heavy heart.

Comment by Ron on March 10, 2012 at 11:42am

It is going to be a sad week-end for me. Jean and I have tickets to the las vegas race. We have had the same seats sense the inaugural race (1998). This will be the first race we will miss. I sold the tickets to a friend. I asked him to tell our once a year friends that we sat next to  about Jean. I don't think i will watch the race on tv. I  think it would be to painful. If you care to see  a couple of pictures of my Jean at the track  go to facebook and search out my name .Their is also a photo of her in a sky box at a packer game .

Comment by Lori B. on March 9, 2012 at 5:14pm

i do have times when i momentarily seem to forget my husband is gone...at work, i think, i should call....oh, right, i can't call him, he is dead..i shake my head, where does that come from, i know he's gone...but it's so ingrained in me, i work evenings and he worked days, we would always talk on the phone a couple of times during my shift...its like loosing an arm, he's gone, but i still feel him..and of course love him, so much...but but but, its up to me to carry on, to take care of our home and myself, and i'm doing ok with it all...not great by any means, but ok..it just surprises me everytime tho, when i metally reach for the phone to call him...its so much a part of my work evening...so much a part of everything else that has changed.

Comment by Ron on March 9, 2012 at 4:48pm

Well i had another wonderful day,I sun is shinning and it is getting nice outside.I just hate it.I was looking out the kitchen window and was thinking,Jean will not be here to work in her flowers around the house nor help me plant the garden.Then i jumped ahead a little. She also will not be here to help me can this fall. I  then got in the car and went to the cemetary.Cried there then came home and cried somemore.  I am so lost without my Jean .I pray every day that maybe today is the day God will take me home but it just  does not happen. i really do not like being here without my Jean.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 120
• 121
• 122
• 123
• 124
• …
• 209
• Next ›
• Page