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Comment by Sue Waxman on April 2, 2012 at 1:26pm

Ron,

God will take you when he knows you are ready. How can you expect to go to a perfect place when you still are dealing with so many issues that are unresolved. Your wife is there waiting for you. She knows you are in pain and miserable without her, free her from that so she can be happy where she is. Sue

Comment by Ron on April 1, 2012 at 10:17pm

Rachel what kind of makes it a little tougher is being catholic   i went to palm sunday mass. It did not help remembering  that next week is going to be my first easter without my wife.Even when in church i ask God to please take me. If not for the fact that i know i would go to hell if i ended my own life i would be long gone. My children say i can;t leave yet because they need ne here. What for i have no idea.They now have their own lives to live and i do not want to hang around here. and be burden on them.I have a father inlaw that is 101  in  home and it did not help with the strain it put on my wife. Now that she is gone it is all resting on her brother and now he is thinking the old man is going to out live him. All he does is bitch and complain everyone stole all his money Thing is he never had that much.I sure do not want to live like that.All the more reason for God to take me now..I used to kid my wife and say the only reason i am still here is because God dosen;t want me and the devel is afraid i will steaL his job. Well i took my usual nightly pills that help me sleep .so time to climb in bed.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on April 1, 2012 at 8:28pm

im having to try and survive, i have pain, pain medicine doesnt do a f'ing thing.....days are too long, not sure how to change things.....

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on April 1, 2012 at 8:27pm

im so sorry Ron

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on April 1, 2012 at 8:26pm

boy do i know how you feel ron, i begged god to take me home too.....

Comment by Ron on April 1, 2012 at 6:53pm

Really bad day today .I pray every day for God to take me home. I just no longer want to be here.This emptyness and lonelyness is just so bad. My chest even hurts from all the  crying i have done. I sometimes think to myself is their something i could have done to help her.or is their a way i could have made it a little easier for her  God how i miss my wife.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on April 1, 2012 at 6:01pm

reason*

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on April 1, 2012 at 6:00pm

i guess i should be thankful about being alive today, today especially and yesterday i have been depressed for no apparent recent, i think its my medication, i went to the hospital, they didnt really provide assistance, i think im ok enough....any input you all can give would be helpful.....i dont know whether i need to be on a different medication or what to really do

Comment by Mark on April 1, 2012 at 5:06pm

Thank you all for those words of support.  I need that.  I've dealt with a lot.  This loss is overwhelming for me and I know way down deep inside I don't deserve to be treated the way some have treated me.  I've even blamed it on me and my fake public face I put on giving the impression I'm all good with every thing.  It's been exhausting playing that game.  Although the conversations people throw out there to avoid my loss is out of my control and so blatant sometimes I want to tell them to knock it off knowing the avoidance is for them and not for me even though they'd swear it was so I wouldn't get too emotional. 

I just wish there was a card the grieving could hand out that reads.." Dear idiot, you have crossed the line.  Do you have fluff for brains or are you incapable of truly understanding what unconditional compassion is?  It's not about you.  Although I'm handing you this card to let you know how stupid your comments are please let me be clear.  If the time comes in your life when you lose someone you love with all your heart and soul I'll be there for you.  In any capacity.  You can cry all you want.  Talk about your loved one all day and night.  I won't change the subject to avoid your pain because I personally don't want to deal with your emotions.  I won't displace my choice to avoid by saying I'm doing it for you.  I won't say stupid things that I know hurt or leave you confused like if there is anything I can do let me know.  I'll just do it knowing you need that support.   and not once will I ever ask.. Whats wrong?  I'll know.

Comment by mercy on April 1, 2012 at 4:35pm

Mark first of all, I want to commend you for all you did for your mom for all those years. I know she was so proud to have a son who cared so deeply for her. I loved my mom so much but I left home almost twenty years ago to go to school and then got a job abroad, all those years I would see mom only about twice a year, for a few months. I feel like I missed out on so much with mom and it hurts so deeply. I was planning to relocate back home and thought I had many years to enjoy her but cancer decided her fate. It hurts so badly Mark. I know the pain you are going through. Don’t apologize to anyone for grieving your mom. I still have to explain to my friends every time I break down. I don’t know why people think we should move on so easily. I myself have endured so many losses in the last few years that it seems am constantly grieving. Just two weeks ago today, we lost my sister’s husband in a tragic car accident. Please accept my deep condolences and support.

God Bless.

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