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Comment by michael sandoval on April 27, 2012 at 8:48pm

Sunday is a grief support event and it's my third time.  Oh my, third time.  I can't take it.

Comment by anna l. on April 27, 2012 at 12:18am

Yes Laura, it seems each new season brings its own pain after our loves have passed.  Ron I tried mowing the lawns last week and had to stop too.  I was the one waiting with the cold drink and a snack when Tom was done that job and now I need to do it alone.  Then I washed his truck because it had been sitting unused for months and really needed it.  Finished that and cried because he should be here to drive it.  All in all this past week has been a hard one.  Sure wish there was hope it would get better but since I dont see me stopping loving Tom or my son Karl any time soon I dont see things getting much better any time soon either.

Comment by michael sandoval on April 26, 2012 at 9:10pm

Dear Ron, 

My Denise and i took our once in a life trip while waiting for the results of her tests.  She was sick the whole time, thinking it was the gastroentitis they mis-diangnosed.  Denise was wonderful and was a real trooper on the trip.  She was dying of cancer, but we didn't know.  When we got back she immediately had to have a colon re-section and she never recovered.  she passed just five months later.  I miss her so much still, after 2 and a half years, I still cry alot.  a whole lot.  Hang in there Ron, you are not alone.

 

Comment by Laura Salefski on April 26, 2012 at 8:37pm

Ron, I understand exactly how you feel. Each new season seems to bring new struggles. The every day things in life are so much mire challenging because our lived one is not there to cheer us on. I took the dog out in the front yard and there was Jon's chair sitting there. I started crying because he was not in it. He always sat in that chair enjoying the weather. Sometimes it feels like I will never quit crying. Jon has been gone 15 months now and I miss him so much. Why do some couple get 65 years and we only got 25?

Comment by Ron on April 26, 2012 at 8:18pm

Had hard day today. i was cutting the grass and when i got to the back yard i had to quit.I looked up at the deck and i could almost see Jean standing there saying to me, ready for some lunch? I was feeling so bad i put the mower away sat on the deck and had my usual cry.Life is  getting really hard for me. i just wish some of this hurt would stop.

Comment by Barbara Sutton on April 23, 2012 at 11:37pm

Laura, I've often continplated going to a support group but the fear is that I will end up crying as hard as I did in the first few months after losing my hunny. I know what you mean about not finding the clothes on the floor, emptying the washer and not seeing his underware in with the clothes. It makes my gut hurt when I do the simplest things, and even though it has been 1 year ago that I lost him, I still miss him so much. I'm having a hard time going to bed again at night, not having him in there, and no one to snuggle up to is just too much once again. Those arguements you speak of are the things I miss too because the making up part was always so much more fun! I hope the Lord continues to carry me through another day, knowing how much I loved my dear man, and how good of a man he was. Huggs Laura.

 

Comment by Laura Salefski on April 23, 2012 at 11:30pm

Tonight I went to a grief support group held at the Cancer center her in town. I had not been in that building since 6 months before Jon died. It was hard just to go there. The memories there are very unpleasant. The first time we went there the Dr told Jon and I that all of his tests results were not back yet do the next we were to go he would " tell us when he was going to die". Needless to say we found a different Dr.

Tonight at the group stirred up so many feelings. I am feeling very sad, lonely, and depressed. I don't know what to fo with all this stuff I am feeling. I know I miss Jon terribly. That has not changed. Talking about our journey just made all the wounds to open and ooze once again.

I just want to see and to hold him one more time. I want to tell him how much I love him and how very proud I am of him. I want to see his dirty clothes on the bedroom floor beside the laundry basket. I even want him to argue with me about something that is meaningless and trivial in the grand scheme of things.

I love you Jon and that will never change.

Comment by Ron on April 23, 2012 at 8:38am

Ann my wife and i were making plans for a once in a life trip.A couple of days before i was to go get my passport while jean was in taking a shower we received the dreaded news of her tests that she had done.We would have never in our life that this could happen to us.I opened the shower door and gave her the phone.She looked at me and said i have cancer.We just held each other and cried for a very long time.I guess we cried a little pretty much every day untell untell she left me. Now i cry alone every day and think to myself i wish we would have taken our trip sooner......Ron

Comment by anna l. on April 21, 2012 at 10:28pm

On year ago thismorning I sent my husband off to see the doctor to have a slight pain in his chest checked out before we were to fly off to Mexico the next day for our second honeymoon/30th anniversary getaway.  From the Drs he was sent to our local hospital, who sent him by ambulance to a larger hospital in another city for a catscan because the Dr suspected a blood clot in his lung.  At 11pm Thursday April 21st 2011 I was looking at the results of that cat scan showing scores of glowing spots of cancer, the start of the end.  Been crying all night and all day wishing there was a way to rewind the world to before that dreaded time.  It still amazes me how fast he went from working 16 hour days, hiking 5-8 miles in the bush every day to just being gone.  I will repeat what I have said a million times this past year. CANCER SUCKS!!!

Comment by Sue Waxman on April 13, 2012 at 1:55pm

Hi,

You are never alone once you find this group. We are all in the same ricky boat!

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