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Comment by vince s on May 12, 2012 at 9:16am

I'm very thankful I've finally found this site.I've been reading all the postings for a few days and I am convinced this is where I need to be right now.Many of the experiences you people have shared I'm trying to deal with some days very poorly.I feel good just being around this group and know it will help me get threw Losing Someone To Cancer thank you  

Comment by Sue Waxman on May 11, 2012 at 7:50am

Mary,

I found this site the day I lost my mom. The people on this web site just scooped me up into their arms and became like a family to me. I have 3 sisters who showed their true colors when mother passed. I was horrified how they behaved. I had to just close the door and walk away from them in order to not go completely over the edge. I am so happy you found this site too. This weekend is going to be tough for us. I have some of my moms ashes on my mantle along with some of her things. I will buy her flowers and be in denial that she is gone. Sometimes I just have to do that. Pretend she is visiting out of town. Love Sue

Comment by Mary M. on May 10, 2012 at 7:38pm

Thank you both for your love and support.  I am so grateful that I found this site because I know you all will understand and encourage me on those days when I can't encourage myself.  Blessings to you both.

Comment by Sue Waxman on May 10, 2012 at 9:38am

Mary,

Barbara's advice is so true. At first I could not allow myself to even think about my mother. I watched her suffer terribly and I was holding her hand when the life just drained out of her face. It was the most horrible day of my entire life. Nothing can hurt me more than that day. My mother was all I had. Somehow I found the strength to just put my life in Gods hands. The day I did that I acquired this amazing strength. As time passes and the weeks become months since her passing I do feel things changing and the tears are less but the loss is always part of me now. Her passing changed everything about me. I am no longer afraid of anyone or anything. If I get hit by a bus it only brings me closer to seeing her. Right now I live what life I have left living in THE MOMENT. I do not think about anything but THE MOMENT I am in. How I wish I could kiss my mothers beautiful cheek and hold her hand again. Eat one of her great dinners. Go shopping with her. All the things we use to do together - I miss every single day of my life. We cannot change what IS. We can adapt and do the best we can until God says "come home". My heart is with you. I feel your pain because I experience the same pain. Love Sue

Comment by Barbara Sutton on May 9, 2012 at 10:20pm

Mary, i was where you are a year ago sweetie. All I can say is embrace every thought you may have of him, he will come and go to you if you acknowledge his presence. My tears have dwindled to once a week rather than every second. That part gets easier. The missing them does not. I hope you have faith in time. That is all I have faith in, and I've learned that we live on God's time, not ours. I've also learned to have faith that no matter what I will see my sweet baby's face again, smell him, and kiss his onry lips.

 

Comment by Mary M. on May 9, 2012 at 10:12pm

My husband died of cancer in March and it was the hardest thing I have had to do to watch him in pain.  The pain from the chemotherapy from the radiation but most of all the last few weeks watching the cancer take control of his vital organs and the sparkle go out of his eyes.  The night before he died the nurse on duty told me she believed he was holding on for me, because he thought I needed him.  He was suffering for me.  She told me I needed to let him know I would be OK even though we both knew I wouldn't be so that he could be at rest and not struggling in pain anymore.  She must have been right because after a night of holding him in the hospital bed and telling him to rest now that I would be OK, missing him like crazy, but OK .. he slowly slipped away from me.  

Like Anna I tried to bargain with God to take me instead, to let me take the pain and the cancer.   But instead I am here trying to understand how to live without him.   Trying to be strong for our kids and grandkids but not succeeding most of the time.  Really all I want to do is hide away and cry, even after all the tears I have cried there always seem to be more.   People say in time it will get easier but right now I have trouble believing  that is true.

Comment by anna l. on May 9, 2012 at 2:04am

Laura I do know what you mean when you say,I would have rather had him leave me for another woman.  Let them think what they want, they have no idea how what you or I went through with losing our husbands to cancer.  I tried bargaining with God to take me instead.  I love my husband so much I would have given my life for him.  I would have let him go on with a happy life without me just to let him be ok.  Of course I believe if it had been me that went first he would be the one lost in grief now.  I sure wouldnt want that for him either.  I wouldnt wish this loneliness and heart breaking pain on my worst enemy. 

Comment by Barbara Sutton on May 9, 2012 at 1:21am

Going through the motions is what I am learning to do best. However yesterday, in my mad dash to mail my mother's day gift to mom, I ran in the house after work. When I opened the door I smelled him. Stopped me dead in my tracks. I said I love you baby then continued on. While waiting at the package store, and old man with broken english asked me if I would do him a favor. I said sure what is it? He asked if I would bend down and get a penny that was on the floor for him. When I bent down to get it I noticed it was very shiny and face up. I didn't think anything until I got in my car and pulled up to the stop sign. While waiting for vehicles to make their turns I noticed a truck coming in to the drive way that looked exactly like the one my husband had. I thought nothing of it until the truck got closer and sure enough, it was the man who had bought it from me a year ago. It has been a few weeks since I've felt my husband's presence. Needless to say once my day was ending and I had time to think, it all made sense. I just wish he would come home to me for good. A year has passed and I am still so heart broken at times. I do have to say that it has gotten better. I am able to breathe without it hurting so much. Hugs and prayers to all.

 

Comment by Laura Salefski on May 9, 2012 at 12:03am

One of the teachers came to me at lunch today and shared with me that she had been looking at my photos on Facebook. She apologized that she had never made the connection with my name and a young man she grew up with. That would gave been my Jon. I know she meant well but she stirred up a lot of emotions for me. I shared with another teacher who had lost her mother about a year before I lost Jon. I told her she had lied to me because she said with time it gets easier. Guess what it hasn't. I know t least all of you on here know how much it hurts and how very much we miss our loved ones. It feels like they were stolen from us. I even went so far as to say I would have rather had him leave me for another woman and I got stupid stares. They didn't get that then he would still be here and I could see him and touch him. Or maybe I am just crazy.

Comment by anna l. on May 2, 2012 at 2:18am

Im really having a hard time tonight.  We just found out my grand niece who is only 34, has breast cancer.  It has just passed the one year anniversary of when my husband was diagnosed.  Try as I might I cant get a handle on the flashbacks or the fear of what might happen to Sara.  I hate being so scared of this one word.  I need to go to bed again but I know I will just either stare at the ceiling and think and cry.  Or I will go to sleep and dream horrible dreams.  When will the doctors find a cure so all these precious lives will be spared?  Soon enough to help Sara please.  Please God, Please.

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