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Comment by Anne Delina Johnson on May 24, 2012 at 4:33am

Wow - all the sudden this group is busy. Cancer sucks. I support all cancer related organizations locally it's a little but every dollar helps a family or an organization helping those with cancer. I do this to honor my best friend who died of ovarian cancer.

Comment by Jaylean Wilson on May 24, 2012 at 1:58am

Hi Maura & Mary, thank you. It isn't easy for me to open up to anyone but I feel I can't do this alone. Maura, I know how you feel, I feel like that also. When I found out my grandmother was really bad off I was worried I wouldn't be able to make it down there in time. Finances was making it hard to just pick up and leave. They kept her alive long enough for me to get there and say goodbye, by then she was already in a coma and she had passed hours after my arrival. I was doing ok while I was around family but now that i'm back at home, away from family, it's been really tough.   

Comment by Mary M. on May 23, 2012 at 11:09pm

Jeanne thank you for your post .. my husband and I had also agreed that when either one of us passed the other would sell our home as it would be too painful to stay in it without the other.   Now that I am alone I have told my grown children that this was what Poppa and I had agreed to do but they are not happy at all.  Thankfully they are not controlling or trying to take over my life.  My son comes by to cut the grass because of my allergies and right now is helping his uncle repair the garage roof.  Some things have to be done before I can sell .. and slowly they will get done.  I am respecting my children's wishes to wait one year before selling, besides it gives me time to do some cosmetic fixing up so it will be good for whoever buys it.  I have to say it is really hard trying to sleep in the bedroom we shared for more than 25 years.  Most nights I cry myself to sleep and in the morning get up with a mega headache.  The last two nights we have had thunderstorms where the the sky was lit up by the lightening, the kind of storms we loved to watch together so have barely slept .. enough to function but that's about it.  Sorry now I am rambling .. I am sorry your son cannot understand how you are feeling and what you need for you.  Time is great healer and hopefully it will heal the rift between the two of you.  I can't imagine having no contact with my children, although will admit sometimes I do wish they didn't live quite so close.  The only thing I can think of to say is just keep doing what you feel is right for you .. don't be manipulated into a situation that you are not comfortable with.  Hugs to you.

Comment by Jeanne Potter on May 23, 2012 at 10:43pm

I am so sorry for your loss Tina. My husband was my sons step father since he was 8 years old. He gave my husband very hard times for many years and it wasn't until a few years before my husband got sick and my son was a father himself that he realized how much my husband meant to him. He is really the only father figure he ever had although his real father is still living but no contact with him. When we found out my husband was sick my son took over helping me redo the house to get ready for my husband to come home. He was a very big help the whole time of his illness. My grandchildren were his grandchildren and they still talk about grandpa and how much they loved him and miss him. We encourage them to talk about their feelings about him. Last year for the Memorial day parade my granddaughter and grandson were marching with the scouts and they took my husbands army picture from Viet Nam and made pins to wear in the parade. It was their idea and a good way to have good thoughts about him. I could not go to the parade last year as I had gone with my husband the year before and was not ready for it. Maybe this year. After my husband passed my son tried to take over my life. He wanted to help me with everything but that was more like his way or the highway. I sold my house like my husband and I had planned to. I moved on Dec. 21st just one day short of the anniversary of his death. I live with my sister and one of my brothers. We are very happy in this situation but my son wants nothing more to do with me because I did not buy a house  that he and his family could move in and take care of me. So I have lost my husband, my son and it seems now that my grandchildren are being used pawns against me. It is a sad situation. You expect to lose a parent but to lose your spouse or your child is unthinkable. My son does not seem to understand that I lost my soulmate and now what is left of our family is going to pot. Sorry I am rambling, but my point about your children at least is that it is good for them to talk about their grandfather. They don't have to feel like they cannot speak to you about him. It might even help you feel better to bring up good memories. I hope that you will start to feel a little better at least soon. It will take time, but you will come around to the point that you can talk about the good times and smile when you remember and if you cry that is ok too. It is a process with no pattern.

Comment by Tina on May 23, 2012 at 9:43pm

I lost my Step Dad to stomach cancer in March of this year. He battled the cancer for 18 months and 10 months into the battle we thought we had won. Even though he was my Step Dad he was very much apart of my life for the past 16 years and has been apart of my children's lives since they were born. I have been struggling every day since his death to go on. I have started medications a month ago and felt good the past couple weeks but this week has been really really hard. Every day one of my children brings up my Dad and it just makes me sad to think that they will never be able to hug him again or hear him say "Your doing well." I am just looking to talk to other people who understand my pain. 

Comment by Debra Wick on May 23, 2012 at 9:26pm

Michael, thank you for the condolences, same to you regarding Denise. I'm sure she was as precious to you as Bob was to me.

Comment by Debra Wick on May 23, 2012 at 7:58pm

Thank you so much for your post, Jeanne. I was so fortunate that Bob was lucid the whole time. We never lost that part of our lives together. I saw you in the Chat Room a little while ago. Let's chat next time -- there ARE no coincidences! :)

Comment by Jeanne Potter on May 23, 2012 at 7:52pm

I am so sorry for your loss Debra. Strangely enough I lost my husband on Dec. 22, 2010. He retired and the next day I took him to the er and they found a brain tumor. The next 16 months is a blur. Like you said he had no pain and that was the best if there can be one. With brain cancer it can be very bad. The worst part was he was my computer wizard and anything that needed to be fixed he could. It was hardest watching that ability go and he knew it. He never complained right up until the last day. He is my hero and I miss him every waking moment. I am afraid with a year more than you have it doesn't change much. You miss them and cry and go through the motions of your life. At least we have our memories. God bless us all!

Comment by Debra Wick on May 23, 2012 at 7:04pm

They say cancer is the disease that kills your body before it lets you die. Sure enough, he disappeared before my very eyes. No pain though, until the last 48 hours.

Comment by michael sandoval on May 23, 2012 at 6:31pm

Dear Debra,

My Condolences.  I lost my Denise to colon cancer almost 3 years ago and I still cannot take it.

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