Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by anna l. on May 19, 2013 at 12:39pm

Losing someone to cancer is such a horrible thing that no one can truly understand until they witness it first hand.  You have my sincere sympathy.  We only knew of my husbands raging cancer 2 months before he died.  I know he deserved to know so he could do what he felt he needed to do to put things in order but I have often wondered if he would have had more peace of mind not knowing.  You have to know that the decision you made was made out of love.  Where ever your fathers spirit, energy is now, he is at peace with that decision.  I firmly believe if they are aware they are also able to see the love that guided us in all we did.  Try to be gentle with yourself and let go of any guilt you feel. 

Permalink Reply by Christine Xerri on May 20, 2013 at 12:42am

Thank you so much for your kind words and your understanding. It does help a lot to talk about these things.

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on May 19, 2013 at 3:45pm

i dont thnk any of us  r preperd wen we loze peple we love i no wen my dad died he had a lot of helth probs lik c o p d heart dese lot of ohr stuf 

he woz recoving frm a stroke th postmortm we got dun on him woz full of bull sH@t it woz 3 difrnt reprts still dont no wish 1 woz th rht 1 

som drs r hard to trust i fidn it hrd to trust th yung drs i do 

Permalink Reply by Christine Xerri on May 20, 2013 at 12:48am

My Dad had a lot of complications with his cancer, diabeties, high blood pressure just to name a few. I also don't trust Drs. at one point they gave him his pills for an extensive period of time 6 months instead of 6 weeks and it caused him to have a slight stroke but one in which he never fully recovered. Drs are not gods they are just like us they make mistakes but when they make a mistake it can effect us perminently and the damage sometimes destroys lives. Thank you for your comment and I'm so sorry you and your father had to suffer so much. Sending you my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on May 20, 2013 at 1:20am

We lost my brother in law to pancreatic cancer in less than one month. There is nothing right about this horrid disease. It does not matter - no matter what they know or what you bear for them - it is still horrid on all levels. Cancer is evil. I have found my faith in God and talking to him in prayer most helpfull. One

Permalink Reply by Betsy Arnold on May 20, 2013 at 2:04am

Hi Christine,

     I am so sorry for your loss. I do understand how you feel. My husband died 3 and a half years ago from cancer. He was 43. He had two rare blood diseases that eventually led to the cancer, and even though we knew he had life threatening blood diseases, and that he might die at a young age, I still never would have expected to be a widow at 45. My husband himself even warned me that he believed he was going to get cancer from his blood diseases and that he was going to die young. He had a stem cell transplant a year and a half before he died after he contracted Leukemia. He told me he believed it only bought him a few years' time. He tried to prepare me every way he could, including financially. Still, even when he came home on hospice care, I was still nowhere near prepared for his death. For my being a widow at the age of 45, for living life without him. It has been 3 and a half years and I am still have days that are very overwhelming. You are not alone.

Permalink Reply by Christine Xerri on May 20, 2013 at 4:23am

It is very comforting that there are people that understand what I am going through. I thank you for your reassuring words and I do know that I will never live life as I lived before because without my father there will always be something missing from my life. People die everyday and in so many different ways it is never easy which ever way a person dies. One day I know it will get easier but for now it's people like yourself that will make it easier for me. Thank you and I'm so sorry for your loss I can't imagine what you have gone through.

Permalink Reply by Willa Morehead on June 16, 2013 at 3:46pm

I lost my daughter to brain cancer on Feb.20,2013 and my life will never be the same.  She was diagnosed with Stage IV glioblastoma Jan. 2012 and with chemo and radiation lived a year and a month.  I practically left my home and lived with her that year and was with her when she passed away.  The last words she spoke was to me, calling "mama, mama, mama, I can't breath, I don't want to die, I want to pray".  That was on a Tuesday morning at 7 a.m. I prayed and she never spoke another word or ever moved again and passed away the following morning at 7 a.m.  She fought such a hard battle and I was by her side all the way. She would have bouts of hemorrhaging through the nose and mouth and medics would come and take her to the ER and she would pull through.  She had infections during all this and they had to discontinue the chemo.  The last 3 weeks were so horrific in that she would have spells of being delusional but always calling "mama".  To be by her side and seeing her like that was torture and now it is like I am reliving all of it and cannot get it out of my mind.

My husband died suddenly 5 years ago and I live alone.  I lost my mother, then my sister, then my brother, then my husband, then my other sister, and then my daughter.  I feel so alone and lost in the world.  My daughter was my support person and now she is gone.  I pray each and every day that this pain will ease.  Any other suggestions???

Permalink Reply by kristen on June 26, 2013 at 12:35am

Thank you for sharing your stories. I just joined this site and am hoping having a place to share my thoughts will help. I lost my husband to small bowel cancer in early march. Diagnosed almost two years prior... You think you prepare yourself some.  I guess we did. We often talked about the end.  But you really can't prepare for feelings you can't control.  You could tell it was getting harder and things were getting worse but you still hold on and hope for more time.  He went in the hospital on valentines day and never came home.  The entire two years was a roller coaster but those last three weeks were incredibly hard. We talked of his pain and it being time and he cried as he thanked me for understanding.  Then docs said maybe two weeks. Then he had a surgery and they thought three months perhaps.  He was due to come home from the hospital and we were planning on hospice but he fell into septic shock and died the day he was to be released.  Bless his heart he was still talking about fighting with more chemo.  He fought an amazing fight and endured so much just to have more time with me and our two boys. 15 and 11.  I think of him all the time and look forward to the thoughts being about the good days but it seems like I replay those last days over and over.  And I really miss taking care of him.  The last night of his life I left him around 5pm and had plans to stay the night with him at hospital. I got back at 9 to find him in the worst pain ever and was unable to Really communicate. What I wouldn't give to have had that last night. It was going to be good. Instead we headed to ICU and I asked god to just take him. He was hurting so badly. I look back at some of the signs and feel stupid for the optimism I had for those last couple days.  Thanks for letting me share. The heading... Are we ever really prepared struck me.  With all we went thru I feel as though i didn't get to say goodbye. Even though I held his hand for 12 hours just waiting for him to go and telling him over and over it was okay....  Its so not okay. I'm so not okay. I miss my best friend.

E

Permalink Reply by Eliza on July 27, 2013 at 9:43pm

Watching your loved one struggle with and ultimately succumb to cancer is one of the toughest and most heart-wrenching experiences imaginable. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer in December after a 16 month battle. I understand your pain, your sorrow, your guilt, your grief. All of these emotions are a normal part of grieving. I, too, held out hope my mom would get better. I told her to not give up hope. Even when she was stage 4 and deemed terminal, I had a tiny sliver of hope that there'd be a miracle and she'd be one of the 6% to beat the odds. I think it's just natural to want to hold onto hope. Know that everyone in this group understands your pain. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. Sending you hugs.