"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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New to group..
Hello. Just joined group in hopes that it will help me get through my situation.
I lost my girlfriend and companion of 20 years, Chris, a couple of weeks ago on Aug 17, 2012 after a 2+ year battle with cancer. It was a shock in the final two weeks of her care in the hospital where I never left her side. We and our doctors were still looking to the future and a continuation of her treatments. But, sadly, there were others plans in store. She was only 40 and was everything to me as well as one of the most kind-hearted people I've known. Everyone she came across instantly was drawn to her smile, joy, and compassionate spirit.
I'm not sure what to say as I'm still in a fog and full of overwhelming emotions. As if losing Chris isn't enough, I'm currently unemployed and am going to lose our house (our home more precisely). I've been trying to take it one day at a time and get motivated to tackle one thing at a time. Baby Steps. That's what I always told her to do during our fight with cancer. I check off one task and feel a sense of accomplishment but then out of nowhere I completely lose focus and am overcome with grief.
I have some support (family & friends) but really wish they would do more and be there more for me. I desperately wish any of them would just embrace me and hold me and let me cry. I miss cuddling with my Chris and I so crave for someone to just lie next to me and tell me it will be OK.
On the same token, does anyone else get angry when someone says "Be strong!" I don't want to be strong! I want someone else to be a least for a short while and just let me let it all out. "She will always be with you!" Sure, I have many wonderful memories of her and I love her so much. But, she is gone and she took a large piece of me with her. "Is there anything you need or that I can do let me know", etc. No, I don't want to have to let you know. I want you to figure it out because my whole world is spinning and I haven't the foggiest idea what I need or what you can do. I guess I just hate cliches. I know they all mean well, it just seems many of them are insincere and though they hurt too they can move on with their lives and routines. While my world has completely flipped. I'm pretty sure I'll be OK, just not sure how to get there.
I've been reading these forums for a few days now and its helps to see other people that are going through or have gone through the same types of things. Thank so much for sharing your stories. I don't know how much it helps, but I know it is helping some to read them.
Cheers,
Tim
Views: 131
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mary M. on
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Hi Tim, I am sorry for your loss and for all you are now dealing with in possibly losing your home too.
It has been 5 months since my husband passed away and some days I am still overwhelmed with loss with no clues as to what to do next. I also have friends who continue to ask what they can do to help, but thankfully some seem to see what I need before I have even figured it out for myself.
Right now I think your emotions are still raw and very close to the surface so everything is much harder to deal with. Right now I am not sure if it does get better or if we just adapt are better able to deal with things. I remember thinking of the song, 'Paint it Black' .. I didn't want to see colours, I didn't understand how the world, including my friends and family, could continue life as it was .. for me it had stopped. Just sharing this so you know you are not alone in what you are feeling and going through.
Take care.
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Thank you for those words Mary. Sorry for your own loss, I can understand those emotions you speak of. Yes, I wish I had friends that see what I need before I know myself. Is hard to focus at times.
Love the song "Paint it Black"! I can see how you didn't want to see colors. Everything seems dimmer, less tasty, less fun than before the loss. And, your comment, "I didn't understand how the world, including my friends and family, could continue life as it was .. for me it had stopped." is exactly what I'm saying to myself. Others grieve about the loss of my Chris, but their "routines" stay that same. But my own world/routines are completely shattered.
Again, thank you for your sincere thoughts, it helps to hear others going through similar issues.
-Tim
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Permalink Reply by Ron on
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I never heard that be strong one Tim. What i heard a lot of and even eight months after i lost my wife still hear is "How are you doing" or "it will get better" I want to say to them .How in hell do you think i am doing? Also, it does not really get better. You just learn to hide it better. Of course that could be just me but i know a few other people who have lost their spouse and they all feel just about the same way.
Just have faith in your God and in the end it will work out.
As for me i am trying to be the best kind of person that my wife would want me to be and just maybe, when my end time comes. I will be met by my Jean saying . Hi Hon i missed you and have been waiting for you.
Take care................Ron
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Wow Ron! That one comment you made:
"How are you doing" or "it will get better" I want to say to them .How in hell do you think i am doing?
That is exactly what I've been saying. Thank you so much for letting me know I'm not off my rocker thinking things like that.
I agree with the point that it does not really get better. People use different words like "hide" or "put aside" or "learn to handle it". I believe it is all the same thing. I don't see how anyone that hasn't lost a true love would ever understand that gaping hole that is inside you.
I like your thoughts on being the best kind of person that your wife would want you to be. That's pretty much what I've been doing and what I even did in my girl's last days in hospital. It was something I could control and feel good about. No regrets kind of thing and knowing she would want me to be that way.
Sorry for your own loss Ron, sincerely and thanks so much for your kind words.
My love Chris just died too damn young, only 40. She gave so much to this world even in the short time she was here.
Take care Ron and thanks again for your words.
-Tim
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